God Makes Me Laugh

Stealing.

2010-09-08T12:15:00.002-05:00

I'm a time stealer. I think of that episode from the office when they have to do an HR meeting about ethics and they talk about time theft. I'm bad at it. Luckily I still get all my work done. My new job has been going great but its been such a hard adjustment going from running all day long here and there with lots of different people and stimuli to sitting at my desk writing curriculum with no one to talk to for 8 hours straight. I'm too ADD/multitasker for that. Luckily this part of the job will end soon. Not that I don't love writing curriculum for trainings but I like the actual training part better. Or at least I hope I do haha..

So for those who don't know:
About a month ago I started a new job at the El Paso County Sheriff's Department as a trainer for the Law Enforcement Academy for Region 8 Texas. I will be training in victim sensitivity, psychology and whatnot as it relates to Family Violence and Sexual Assault. Its a pretty fun job and will make a difference in how LE works with victims in the field when conducting investigations. The content is heavy, difficult and emotionally exhausting, but it will be a great way to get training hours in so I can be a professional trainer and have the resume to show for it.

Justin gets home in like 60 days and I can't even really believe it. He should be home the first week of November and it makes me all nervous and smiley to even consider th ethought. Not to mention that we're already legally married which is hilarious and so weird. I haven't seen my husband yet. Look up Marriage by Proxy on Google an dyou'll know what i'm talking about. My facebook picture is sort of a giveaway too.. the guy in the picture is Ryan Visser who is married to the woman taking the picture.. If there was audio you'd hear us giggling saying I do's and Amanda saying "this is so weird, this is so weird". Funny day. It worked out well though. The timing hit perfectly. I had crashed my car and was out a vehicle, starting a new job and not wanting to pay for the health insurance and needed more access to Post for Family Company Meetings (FRG).

So in the last 2 months:
- New Job
- Different Car
- New House
- New "status"-.. aka Wife. Military wife at that.

Its been a whirlwind summer but the end is nigh.

December 19 is the wedding. Plans are coming along. Invitations are in the mail for the most part and Justin will be coming home soon.

I love you all and thank you for all the support over this past year. Phew!!

Sunday.

2010-04-11T21:40:00.002-05:00

I really don't have a better title than that. Today was a pretty eventless day. I'm recuperating from an awful flu that hit me saturday. Apparently the lot of us who went to Peter Piper Pizza on Wednesday Night caught something because about 9 of us that went ended up with relentless stomach flu (I'll spare the details), fever, chills, dizziness etc. I came home from work early and was racked up in bed all weekend. To top it off I'm still tired and starting to get a sore throat which I am attributing to our newly operational swamp cooler. Same thing happened to Justin and I in this house when he turned it on for the first time last year. Bummer.

The good news. I get my tax check back Tuesday! Which means I get to start my allergy shots, pay off some bills, credit card and have some money to save in the bank towards wedding stuff. So far the plans are working out well and I am excited to move forward again. I am sort of taking a wee break from plans right now. My sister is dealing with the calling off of her wedding and its pretty hard to be planning mine when I know she is struggling and in pain. I love you sister! I am sorry it got called off.. I'm glad you didn't marry what turned out to be a loser. Many prayers.

The one thing I'm worrying about is the budget right now. I need to have a real conversation with my dad about it but it has been such a struggle for us. Its hard to have serious convos when we both have such stubborn heads and differing opinions. I have treated him pretty badly about it, not intentionally but in hindsight I should have been more sensitive. I plan to rectify this when I call him this week. I wish I could fly out to see him and the Mrs. so we could sit down and work together on it. Maybe I'll suggest it.

Ma-wage!

2010-03-09T18:12:00.003-06:00

The chaos of wedding planning continues but the good news is we found a venue.. pause.. so before I begin I would like to say that although I do not blog often I refuse to force you to listen to me vent about the chaos of wedding planning through my eyes unless you choose to do so of your own free will. Thus I am starting a blog.. more like a memory book but I am too lazy to scrapbook. I'm gonna post stuff as it comes along. I was never a wedding planner as a young girl so this whole process is utter chaos and confusion to me. I had seen a blog by a girl who posted EVERY FRIGHTENING DETAIL OF HER WEDDING PLANNING EXPERIENCE. And I was scared .. but also intrigued and sort of thinking it might be a cool thing to look back on. Thus begins a new blog.. Eventually we'll post wedding pics and such there too.. for now I plan to vent and think and plan and explode about cool things I find. Hurrah!

EDIT: I gave up already. I enjoy reading other peoples blogs and I don't have time to stress, plan AND blog about my wedding. I will spend that sacred time sleeping, or god forbid working :)

Nonrelated wedding info:
Next week a group from SMU is coming to STAY AT TLC to do volunteer work during the day. Which means two things: Spring break for the kids will be filled with strangers to play with.. and I will be on call 24/7 for the week because I'm volunteer coordinator. Can't I just stay at TLC too? That would be cool.

My mom is dating again. Mom I love you and I'm sure he's a nice guy. I'd like to meet him. I'm praying for him and for you that he's as great as he seems. I'm glad you are happy but don't go crazy head. Take your time. Enjoy it. And slow down on the shots will ya? :P

Can I just take a moment to say that I am so happy for my sister right now? I love my big sister and we've become so close in the past few years. I can't go a few days without hearing from her or I totally worry. I was freaked out when I was in Ohio and never had a chance to give her updates. I never had a moment to call anyone and "spill". I'm so happy for her that she's found true love and is getting married in September. It's such a blast planning our weddings at the same time and being happy for each other. We get to share ideas, and freak out about arguments and stupid stuff. She's also a Lash Stylist now which is crazy cool. Don't be surprised at my wedding if I look outrageously fabulous!!

Off to work now. Parenting Class starts soon and I need to go start hounding and herding :)

Crazy things are happening.

2010-03-03T12:48:00.003-06:00

Welcome to March.
Today is my birthday.
I am engaged.

Why do I feel kinda sad today? Weepy even.

Overall life is incredibly great right now. We have a third roommate who is moved "in".. aka paid rent and moved in her furniture. TBD when she starts sleeping at the house. She's hilarious and fun, super outgoing and exciting. My Becky is still an incredible girl who I admire in so many ways. We enjoy our time together and she listens to me ramble when I stress out. She's good at it, I try not to take advantage of it.

Some days my job is great, others I want to just walk out the door and never come back. Today is actually an ok work day. I spent my morning encouraging one of our participants that she really has done some great things she can be proud of. Her husband was a very violent abuser and she slips things into her conversations like... well I still have issues with my teeth since my husband kicked me in the face with his workboot... Rough. Rouuuuugh. I got nothing to complain about.

My cats are great. They give me so much joy. They make it really difficult to get to work on time. I wake up to them all snuggled around me and they are so sweet and affectionate. Makes me happy to feel loved and cared for even if they are just cats.

I'm also engaged. Which is awesome. Justin is such an incredible guy and he has stolen my heart for sure. He's stable and strong, proud and sweet, talented, wise, and lots of fun. We have lots of adventures ahead of us.. the first being getting through this current deployment and executing a huge wedding. That part so far is stressing me out a bit. Next post will have details.

Today I am working and enjoying tedious tasks. I am enjoying birthday wishes from friends and family, and talking with people from venues. Still my heart is sad today. I miss justin a lot. I feel just a little lonely here in el paso even though I am surrounded by people who love me. People at work, my roommates, friends from church. Everywhere. Still I'm sad today. 8 months is not going by fast enough.

Good things abound.

2010-01-15T09:50:00.002-06:00

I'm so glad God works all things for those who love him. And I do. And He does.

So on the lighter brighter side of the world:
I went to this training this week to be a racial justice facilitator for the ywca here in El Paso. It was a great and humbling experience. It also reminded me once again that I love my education and what I have learned to do. This training was humbling because it was basically the skin and bones of my degree in three days. I loved hearing how they taught facilitation and issues of social justice to people who would then turn around and start teaching it. I am excited to cofacilitate and learn with other educators how to work the minds of young adults and stretch them to see the harsh reality of the world and more importantly the hope found in working for change. It is amazing that I have been placed in the ONE organization in town who does the work I love for FREE without even knowing it. Which means while I live here I can get hours and hours of training experience without having to do it as a "profession" yet then move to another town and have this amazing portfolio of experience. All while still keeping my job at the shelter and loving the relationships I have here.

On another great note I get to see Justin in a few weeks. I can't tell you how excited I am for this. His deployment made a pretty big shift in our relationship for the better and I am so excited to hug him and tell him I'm proud of him.

On ANOTHER great note.. my diploma is in the post office waiting for when my work schedule allows me to pick it up.

On another good note but.. well brace yourselves. We found another roommate candidate.. but once again.. no phone calls no email. I AM FAITHFUL GOD WILL PROVIDE US A ROOMMATE TODAY AND HER NAME WILL BE DENICE AND SHE WILL BE TINY AND WONDERFUL. Mostly becauas I know God answers prayers and she is cool girl. I just hope she didn't disappear into the abyss like the last one. Makes me fearful to call someone else. Will they too disappear? And to where exactly?

Congrats to Blade aka Steve

2009-12-30T16:44:00.002-06:00

Just heard my good friend Steve got engaged! I'm so happy for him I've been hearing a lot about how he's been doing lately and its so good to have good friends with similar interests. We've been long distance buddies for about three years and its been a neat thing God has done. He was showing me this really cool website for "conflict free" diamonds. He's a social justice head like me too and I thought that was neat. I've never been that girl that plans her entire wedding by the age of eight.. just as brooke and megan who both had drawers for their "wedding ideas". I still plan on taking brooke up on the offer of planning and executing my wedding for me some day since I am extremely clueless. Thats ok though. Thats what friends are for right Brooke?

Still no word from the roommate, and still havent heard back from the pastor rick about money for my computer which would be an incredible blessing right about now. Who knows. I just am trying to trust and be faithful that it will all work out. We have a roof and food and good family and friends. We can be poor for another month if we have to.

New Year!!!!

2009-12-29T19:09:00.002-06:00

Greaaat News!!

Justin's Leave is going to be sometime in February. He's "requested" the first two weeks so any time within that two weeks he'll get 48 hours notice of his departure and a few days later be in Cincy!! OOOOOT!! I'm very excited. I was expecting to not see him til June, even bracing myself for possibly August which was a total bummer. Now I'll get to see him in just a few weeks AND he may even be home for good in June or July!! I can't even tell you what a relief that will be. It has been a hard few months even though we get to talk pretty often via email and even the phone. I still miss him pretty bad and I can't wait to see him! I already talked to work about getting time off and it looks like they are going to be super flexible with me. I wont know really until about 4 days before I leave but atleast I know it will be in February so I can be prepared and planning for it. I'll fly out to Cincinnatti to meet some of his family, we'll head up to Michigan and see my dad then either go to KC to see mom or Phillie to see Amber. I'm not sure which yet until I talk to my sister. We'll only have a few days at either and I need to see which will work out better because of their work schedules and such..

On a sad note: Jezebel escaped and disappeared.

On a sadder note: The new roommate is NOT ANSWERING MY PHONE CALLS or emails or texts or anything and I am officially freaking out. I have to start budgetting in case she doesn't show up or call this week. i am hoping she's been gone for the holidays or her phone is dead. Otherwise we may just start stealing and gambling to pay first and last months rent in February :P Nahh.. itll work out. God is good and it always does.

Cant wait to see Brooke Charles Landry and Daniel next weeeeeek!!

4:34am

2009-12-25T05:33:00.003-06:00

I am at work right now. It is Christmas eve. Well Christmas morning I guess. All around the nations kids will be shaking their parents awake hoping that its not too early to start opening presents. I was thinking about Christmas and laughing at how many fun traditions it entails. Slyly peeling tape away from presents to peek. You had to do it only with certain types of tape on certain types of wrapping paper and if mom found out or noticed.. yikes. I only have a few strong memories of Christmas but I do know that the experience was in general a good one. We would always get to check out our stockings first while the parentals woke up. We had probably already opened a present the night before which usually set me to bed and I had freaky nightmares of this creepy santa looking elf in my closet for many Christmas eves. I don't think I ever told mom that. I always thought I would sound stupid tellign her there was a monster in my closet. Even at like 7 I knew she'd think I was just being a punk. But for reals folks. There was a tiny santa man who lived in my closet every Christmas eve and he scared me into not trying to catch mom aka Santa putting presents under the tree. He was like the Big Brother elf and I just KNEW I would get coal if I thwarted this little creature. He also made me scared to even step on the floor. But then that was probably because I remember my sister once telling me about some slasher dude in West Michigan who would hide under cars and slash peoples achilles then steal their purse and car while they writhed and screamed in pain. I thought of that every time I stepped out of bed at night.

Older Xmas'
Other than nightmares Christmas Day was always so fun. As a little kid I just remember opening presents and relaxing most of the day. I'm sure we went outside and played in the snow but I don't really remember any crazy details. My mom probably does. Most of the Christmases I remember and relish were when I was in highschool. My mom and I both worked at Barnes and Noble and we would work the holiday schedules together. It was such fun. Busy and crazy with all the holiday traffic. We'd get off work Xmas eve. Do presents or food or whatever then go to bed and work together the next day. We'd make time and a half and still be able to enjoy the holiday together.

Grandma Fly
I would usually do Christmas with Dad at the aunts and uncles houses, or Grandma Phyllis' when she was still alive. Every once in a while I realize how much I miss spending time with Grandma. She really understood me and listened. She stood up for me a few times and was always so proud of me and my choices. She was joyful and giving and kind, creative, musical, and just such a blast. She was sarcastic and dorky sometimes, she played the piano beautifully and was such a hard worker. Incredibly intelligent with amazing stories to tell. She cooked like a wonder and was a tough old bird playing 12 holes of golf in her 70s. I'm proud to be her namesake. I wish I could name a future daughter after her but Id feel like people would be like.. yeah whatever.. she's named after YOU. haha

Present
Now I don't appreciate Christmas much. I think when I have kids I will appreciate it more. I think I've become somewhat jaded by the holiday. Not the joy of family, or giving.. just the necessity this culture has of the yearly rite.

"You going home for Christmas?"- stranger says.
"No I'm working and I'll just chill out."- phyllis says.
"You have to come to my house for Christmas then." -stranger says.
"No thanks, I don't mind. I'll talk to my family. Thats enough." phyllis says.
"How can you not celebrate? Thats so sad!" stranger says.

Meanwhile I am thinking. ... You really think I would rather spend a chaotic traditional "family" holiday with a stranger's family making exhausting small talk and getting pitiful looks while they exchange presents, and probably reserve the "extra" present for me.. the sad excuse for a guest.
I'd rather chill out in my pjs, read a book, watch a movie, go get coffee somewhere, go walking, be alone and relax than feel like an awkward intruder on anyone's holiday. Its one thing if you know them super well but why do strangers think this is a good idea? I've gotten offers from 5 different families that I barely know from work. No thank you. I will take leftovers and reruns. And I will be joyful.

Updates:
Justin is still doing well. I miss him pretty miserably but I am happy he is well and working hard. It has been an interesting experience to work through but for once in my life I have found a good man who has a heart for God and is sane enough to make me think he may not break my heart or go crazy. This could actually work out. Which is encouraging. I was beginning to think I was attracted to only nutjobs, liars, and toads that never turn into princes.

I brought home this stray cat who we have fondly dubbed Lil Bitch.. and or Jezebel. She's awful and I cannot wait to get her to the pound as quickly as possible. She's cute for like three seconds then you just want to dump her in a bin. Its sad because I do love cats but I think my three boys are just some of the best cats I've had in awhile. They are obedient and sweet, but still just aloof enough that they don't crawl all over you. They come when you call them.. sleep on my bed just enough to make me feel cared for, and they don't make a mess or get into stuff. What more could you as for? Well poor charlie and the boys have had a rough few days with lil B around. She is not making things easy for herself either. I've banned her to nights in the garage because I just can't take them hissing and meowing all the time.

Work is crazy. Though not at 5 in the morning on Christmas Eve. They made it sound like I'd be breaking up fights and stuff but its super quiet. Everybody is either gone or asleep. Thank God.

Roommates, Santa Claus and Sunshine.

2009-12-16T14:55:00.002-06:00

News:

We found a roommate! Finally!! Woot! Her name is naomi and we think she is going to move in on the first of January. She has I tiny little dog that will live in her room similar to a chia pet and she is suuper sweet. Exciting.
If you listen to the news and/or KLOVE you will know that there are two climbers stuck on Mt Hood right now and they don't think that they'll make it. One of those climbers is a friend of my sister and I's from the Well in Phillie named Katie Nolan. Scary. Praying.
Justin disappeared for a few days and reappeared triumphantly via email. A soldier had died and that forces them to cut off communications until next of kin is notified. Scary. He's ok though. Sounds like work is a little rough right now but things will be ok. He is a man of character and will be victorious. Happy 8 Mo. Anniversary!
Hung out with Mandy before AND after work yesterday and it was fun to spend time with her. "shoutout". She has been such an encouragement and a big blessing in my life.
Work is nuts right now. Lots of present sorting which makes me feel like santa claus. Mrs Claus? I"m too tall to be an elf. Though my feet are disproportionally big enough for the pointy shoes.
We're doing an xmas party at our house on Monday including neighbors, ex coworkers, friends, family and other such folk. I am excited to have a good mix of people who I haven't seen in awhile to come hang out and celebrate with us.
Pandora's Rockin Christmas station makes Christmas music somewhat tolerable

MERRY XMAS!

Trees and drudgery.

2009-12-07T10:22:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was exciting. I drove with a group of friends up to cloudcroft, about an hour and a half away and in the mountains. We bought our permits at the local grocery store and drove into the mountains another few miles. We parked. We trekked through 2.5 feet of snow for about 30 minutes and then started chopping. WE GOT XMAS TREES!!! I was so excited. It was harrrd work though! but a blast all around. Our tree looks like a charlie brown wonderfulness but its still cute. and smells great!

I was WHOOPED afterwards though. Man! My body was very tired! Today is worse but it feels good to be sore.

Now I am sitting at work. I've checked my email, postsecret, and have an exit interview at 10am. The rest of the day will be a mix of paperwork and meetings.

Today I miss Justin pretty bad. I wish he could've joined us yesterday. He wouldn't have chopped down a tree.. but he would have run around in the snow with us and probably wrestled me into a three foot snow drift. I haven't talked to him on the phone for a few days now and surprisingly its killing me!! He is emailing though, and he found out he'll know when he can take time off for Leave in a few days. That way we can start planning for Alaska a little better! Woot!

Stupidness.

2009-11-29T16:13:00.004-06:00

I'm at the office right now. I got a call from my angry (not at me) boss saying for some dumb reason I was scheduled to cover the front office from 12-4pm today (Sunday after thanksgiving) and was wondering if I wouldn't mind since we dont' have anyone to cover it. I am working 12am-8am on Xmas and New Years eve this year in order to take my holiday hours for other reasons. Because of that they said I wouldn't have to work over thanksgiving. WRONG.
Anyway...
The first trip will be a short weekend in dallas to see Brooke, Charles and Daniel for a little bit. Brooke is about to have her baby and Daniel will be off on his next adventure soon enough. The second will be in the spring when Justin goes on leave. We are planning on heading up to Alaska for a week and I am super excited. He talks about Alaska as if it is the promised land and I've always wanted to go. I feel like I would love every inch of it but we'll see.

To do this week:
- work on Justin's Xmas box.
- Popup Xmas cards
- Clean the house more
- fix the garage door opener
- get the cats fixed
- find a third roommate.. again
- figure out loan stuff for school

Deployment.

2009-11-23T13:49:00.003-06:00

I just dropped justin off at the base. He flies out tonight on his way to Iraq for a year. He'll be in Maine for a day, then Germany, then Kuwait, then Iraq. I won't get to see him until the spring when he has his midpoint leave. But even that may be scratched because they may shorten the tour. Which would be ideal.

This morning was difficult though. We sort of avoided each other knowing that we were both on the edge of exploding. I stayed at Clara's last night since we had already moved all of our stuff into Justin's house and packed all of his stuff away. He still needed to pack for Iraq and I needed to get out of the house. It was too hard to watch him pack stuff especially all his gear and protective things. Scary. So I came back to his house this morning at about 8:30. He was on the phone with his dad, and I needed to shower. He shaved his head last night and changed into his uniform while I was in the shower I think. When I saw him that was it. He was a solder. He looked like one of the soldier actors you see on tv. Shaved head, uniform, stern look. He looked strong and willing. It was enough to make me break. I hugged him and we both broke down. It was a hard moment as neither of us have ever even seen the other cry :) We said I love you and resumed the mornings tasks. Breakfast, more packing, feed the cats, check farmville. I set up the utilities at the house, and he called more friends and family. About ten oclock we got in his pathfinder. He kept running through the list of things I needed to do. Drive his car around the block once every two weeks, forward all his mail to his dads, mow the lawn, go to the doctor, bring the cats to the vet, this envelopes for pastor tom, this ones for his leather motorcycle jacket. The list grew and grew. I just said breathe, its ok. I'll remember. It was silent for the twenty minute drive. The impending tears remained and we held hands quietly for the drive. We got to base and had to wait for about an hour. It was the longest hour of my life. We would hug for a few seconds then back away before the tears came again. He just kept saying his mantra.

It will be ok
Its just a year
I'll be safe
Don't worry
I love you.
Take care of Charlie.

We brought his bags where they needed to be and sat for awhile. We didn't really speak and the wind was kind of cold but thank God its texas and there wasn't anything too drastically miserable. Finally it was about 11:30 and we headed towards the car. I needed to be at work around noon and the suspense was killing us. We got to the car and had our final hug. We tried hard but the tears started again. It was too hard. There were sweet kisses, thick hugs, sniffling, tears and finally he pulled away and said 'Lets pray before we say goodbye'. We prayed together by the car and the peace came that we needed. He'll be safe. Its just a year, I'll be ok. He loves me like I love him. And charlie loves us both.

I got in the car and tried to suck it up.

Then he ran up to the car and said "wait wait.. did I ever show you were you have to bang on the car if it doesn't start?'

what?? I howled in laughter before realizing he was serious and already getting the blanket out of the back of the pathfinder to put on the concrete. So we squished under the car together, and he showed me what part I needed to bang on with a hammer if it didn't start. I loved every second of it. :)

We got off the ground, he put the blanket away and took his weapon off the car. I hugged him quick and said goodbye. I love him.

I cried all the way to taco bell, and then all the way to work. Where I am sitting now. The waves hit every once in a while. He's really gone. God please bring him back home. Charlie would die without him.

Justin,
This year has been quite a ride and God has been watching us and filling our lives with grace and mercy since we've met. Please be safe. Know that you have a lot of people who love you and care about you, cats too. Come home safe. Be smart. And trust God. He's the best protection I could offer.

Winter Song

2009-11-20T15:41:00.001-06:00

This is one of the songs that make me excited to learn guitar.. which I now have time to do. Next step? Get someone to harmonize with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUO0gd7cr9o

Spaghetti Brain

2009-11-19T17:08:00.002-06:00

Well since I have last posted. I have graduated. You are officially reading the writing of Phyllis Chill M.A. Should I change my card? I kind of liked Phyllis Chill BA more because it made me feel like I could convince people it meant Bad Ass and kick them in the shins. Maybe not.

Today my brain is spaghetti. Masters or not I have zero work ethic and no brain capacity. I have done zilch in the office today except print out a few reports and sort some school supplies. I have lots of things I should be doing but zero desire to do it. I've lost my gumption. Could I have it back?

Part of the craziness is the emotional rollercoaster that is the next few days of my life. I am happy to be done with school, but I don't know what to start doing first. Plus my time is spent with Justin who deploys on Monday. VERY SAD FACE. I will miss him more than I want to think about and openly admit. Ok I admit it.

I told someone the other day that when I get stressed or emotional or well lets face it hormonal.. I tend to get what i call spaghetti brain. Where a thousand different thoughts swirl around and make no sense in my mind at all. Then I end up making stupid conclusions and decisions and end up super irrational and even more emotional than before. One of the things that I love about Justin is that with a word or a hug or a joke all the spaghetti straightens out and my head is clear. Or he just says Phyllis you are being irrational.. and I go Oh!! yeah ok. There are few people in the world that don't make me stubborn: my sister, brooke, and daniel .. and now Justin. Thats pretty exciting because the list isn't long and its hard to find. Praise God that he puts people in our lives who get us.

On a less selfish note.. Justin leaves on Monday morning deploying to Iraq. I will worry about him and pray for him but he has assured me that he will come home and I will see him in Alaska on his leave. His deployment should be over by next fall. I truly believe he is an asset to the military world and I am proud of his work. Now I just have to make it through the next few days.. I may not let him leave :(

Side note: we hit our 7 mo anniversary on the 15th. Thats my longest non-highschool not interuppted by long distance relationship thus far. Figures he deploys :P God speed Justin.

Wednesday = Friday

2009-11-04T11:17:00.002-06:00

I'm at work right now. I have a pretty large office. Its actually a living room with two desks (one for me and the other for the interns. My desk is currently covered in sticky notes and reminders, a stack of tracking forms to update and file, piles of children's books, school suppiles and children's artwork. My Diploma from undergrad is hanging on the wall and very conspicuously above it there is a nail hammered in waiting to be the home of my diploma for my master's. Which I will have in no less than 10 days and however long it takes for them to mail it to me.

Today is my last day of work before my time off. Tomorrow will be spent packing and working on my presentation which.. honestly.. I have not even started working on. I will be printing out copies of my portfolio and thesis, making sure everything is in order and spending some time with the boyfriend before heading out on Saturday morning. I will be gone for 8 days returning on the 14th. Justin deploys on the 20th or so. At that point I will be a very happily graduated and sadly lonely girl. It will be strange and wonderful.

I have been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I need to have done before I leave work at the end of the day. I can't really figure it out. I mean I could file my tracking forms but its not really necessary. All my programming is ready. I've emailed everyone I need to, made the phone calls I need to confirm my presenters, reserved rooms, updated my bosses, turned in my reports early and advised my participants of my absence.

One of two things will happen as I leave the office for over a week:

Either I will have everything so prepared and ready that things will be a breeze and they will be grateful I didn't leave things a mess.

OR

I will come back to them begging that I never leave again.

I do my job well. I know it. They know it. To bad this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. Graduating is making the wheels start turning again about what I want to do with my life, and what God is planning for me. I am excited about my calling here at work. I have two goals:
* Gain experience working in a non-profit learning how to write grants, track info for grants, facilitate presentations and workshops, become a part of the racial justice institute facilitators
* Create a sustainable system for this job position so that whoever takes over for me will already have a system in place that works and works well. This is a stepping stone job. The pay is not good enough to keep someone here too long, and the stress is high. BUT it is great experience for entry level grads.

So those are my goals. By May at my one year evaluation. I will look back and see those goals accomplished. However. I'll start looking for other positions and work at that point as well. I am ready to start taking bigger steps towards the non profit I want to open and although I am not going to quit my full time job to do that, I am making choices and steps to get closer to that dream and vision.

I took a nap with the cats at Justins yesterday. I miss them. I'll be happy to have them back when he deploys. I will admit though that I like him better than the cats.

Woah buddy.. take a moment.

2009-11-02T17:06:00.002-06:00

I just realized it has been months... actual months.. possibly SEASONS since my last post. Thus.. an update....

It is November. I'm still living in El Paso. I had my evaluation at work like 3 months ago and I'm still working here. I am loving my job for the most part and at the very least happy about my goals with it. I have high hopes for improving the lives of these women, this organization and just an overall great sense of accomplishment. Despite all of that I am also starting to look again towards the future of Phyllisdom and what God's true vision is for my life. which leads me to an announcement...

I GRADUATE NEXT WEEK!
I fly out to Philadelphia on Friday to party with my sister then drive up to Vermont to go present my capstone and graduate!! WOOOHOOO. Bonus= Katy, Aaron, Layli and a few others I adore will also be in town so I couldn't be happier. Bummer= I still don't have housing and I'm struggling to figure out my rental car situation but God will provide, things will work out. No biggie.

Next big update:.
Justin and I are still dating. We celebrated 6 months a few weeks ago and things are still going well. He is an amazing man with a great heart and a passion for life. He treats me well, keeps me on my toes and doesn't let me go crazy. Best of all he doesn't make me get all stubborn and nutso. hahah.. Thats new! Anyway.. He deploys on November 20 or so and Becky and I will be moving into his house and taking over his lease. So Becky and I are looking for a third roommate to join us and split the rent. We had a girl but she backed out last minute so we're trying to figure it out now. It'll work out. No biggie.

Health update:
Things are going better now. I went to the doctors now that I have insurance and she's been testing me for a lot of different things including seeing if any of the family related stuff may be causing some of my symptoms. So in the past like two months I have had more tests and appointments than I can remember. I also went to the allergist which sounds like the treatment will be miraculous. He basically outright told me he can't believe I have lived with my symptoms this long. I guess I never realized how sniffly/sneezy/coughy I was since I moved to texas. He also said he thinks my crazy hives are caused by my allergies being so nuts all the time. So I start allergy shots as soon as I can afford to pay 400 bucks upfront. I was hoping that would be this month but now with the cost of flying out to graduate I am putting it off until december. I've lived with it for 6 years another month won't kill me.

Last...
I have two kittens. They are wonderful. They are now Charlie's (Justin's cats) new stepbrothers . I'll post pictures later. I should probably go work again.

Monthly Report

2009-06-16T22:02:00.002-05:00

Wow sorry things have been a bit crazy. It is almost one month since my last post and there is a lot to update.

Today I am swimming in hives. It is awful I took my first day off of work since I started and I hated every minute of it. I am covered in bug bites and/or hives varying from teeny to oreo size bumps. I don't know what bug might have caused it and the meds the doctor gave me were ineffective so I spent my day groggy in a sweltering bed (due to lack of AC still) for no freakin reason. I spent 75 bucks at the clinic, 50 on meds, and I missed a day of work which is about 80 bucks. Pissed = Me.

Other than that.. Work is going really well. I love my job though it is tiring and frustrating sometimes. It has been a long week and its only tuesday. but it should improve soon. I have my first evaluation soon and I am nervous. I feel like I am doing a good job but there is still a lot to learn. Friday night is my first outside of work social function so that will be fun.

Things with Justin are going well. Relaxed, no pressure but still healthy and productive. We spend a lot of time being active, relaxing and cooking. He is super encouraging, responsible, and a big ol sweet heart. We don't really know where we are at, and his deployment looms ever nearer in the future, but overall things are going well and I am happy.

I have been learning a lot lately about things I never thought I would learn, wishing I had more of a social services/social work/sociology background. I am thinking about takinga class or two at UTEP once I finish my masters. I can't imagine not having school outside of work. :)

On that note.. looks like the graduation will be pushed back to november. I just can't imagine finishing in August. I only have a month left and haven't even really taken a hard look at the thesis. Grrr.. Oh well. The bonus is that I might come to Coast Guard Festival in Michigan!

Week of May 18.

2009-05-20T22:01:00.002-05:00

Its hump day. And I'm feelin it.. I tired.

Monday was a good day. Spent the day pulling together education resources which was good because I had a participant asking about nursing programs in the afternoon. Thank the Lord for all of my family and friends who have gone through that process. It is by far one of the more popular routes here since you can get your CNA and GED at the same time and build up towards the rest as you go. See I know what I'm talking about! WOOT! After that I got called into one of the caseworkers offices to connect with a new resident. She is pretty awesome and I can't say much because everything is confidential obviously but I am excited to be doing what I am doing. I'll be working closely with some of the other caseworkers and they have all been so nice. A great balance of being patient as I settle in as well as spurring me to take initiative as well. Adan, our administrator was so sweet today. He is excited to hear what projects I have in mind. I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't really there yet. I still sort of feel like I am playing catch up, but that I am almost caught up!

Tuesday I had a few different meetings and some good news about some of the ladies achievements and graduations! I am excited to start being a part of the process when that happens in the future. I had my first one on one with the new resident and signed my first real people papers. Last night I worked with the kids to make a thank you card for the rotary club and although I was a little surprised at the messy (but totally kid made) outcome Clemencia was so excited about it today! So that was good. She was impressed and I felt capable once again. As I left work a bunch of the kids I had met the previous week came up and said miss phyllis we missed you! I almost cried I was so happy. I get paid to be loved on and to love on others. What could be better? Cute little Baruc screamed Lator Gator as I walked out. I deftly answered After awhile Crocodile.. tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I love my job.

Today was a long but also a great day. I had my first offsite meeting with Shadecie at the Region 19 Homeless and Migrant Org. They run a summer camp that I'll be intimately involved in. Most importantly I get to go on field trips with the kids which means the Zoo, Bowling, Putt Putt and some weird place named BoB-Os. In the meeting we could not get "rafael" to pronounce it.. We thought he was saying Bubbles or bobbles or bo-bos. Finally when I got to the office I looked it up. Indeed it is called Bob-Os . Apparently they have lazer tag. Hurrrrah!! I get to play for a living. After that I worked in the front office most of the afternoon. I still don't know to many answers and I have to forward a lot of calls but I really enjoy the interaction I get with the Participants and staff. I get to play with babies and teach people on the computer, sign paperwork and do my own stuff when it gets slow. We had crazy donations today including two pallets of bananas, a lasagna, salads, cupcakes and a bunch of clothes. It was crazy!!

So today was a good day. I got home and crashed for a bit. I had every intention of studying tonight but I can't figure out where to start. I need UTEP library/internet to find sources because all the ones I want are nowhere to be found. So. Procrastination continues. I will hopefully move in to the new apartment next week with becky and be walking distance to the school so I can finish my paper. Deadline: May 31st for paper three. Outline of Thesis by June 15. We'll see if that happens. Yipe!

Days Three and Four + Training.

2009-05-17T11:23:00.002-05:00

Day Three: Thursday May 14.

What did I do Thursday? I spent the day compiling contacts. I now have a rather exhaustive list of all my contacts from all the brochures and random lists I had found in my computer files left by previous ECD Specialists. It is frustrating to reorganize but I'm starting to feel better. It took a good part of my day and I don't know if it was that effective but hopefully it will be. In the afternoon Clemencia was like so are you ready for Life Skills tonight? AKA do you have childrens activities ready? Uhhhh... no. Why? Because I was not aware I would be responsible for it the FIRST WEEK. Then she was like don't worry we didn't expect you to quite yet.. PHEW. BUT you do have to get the rooms set up and ready to go. SO I started with that. Getting the water and snacks and things ready. Picking books etc. I was lucky enough to be in the room with the older Kids. I had: Cy, Al, An, Je, Ma, Al, Ba and one other girl who's name has gone. I'm trying very hard to learn names around here and failing miserably. It was a lot of fun though. The older girl.. Jessica I think... was a lot of help and we connected by pop up books. All I had was paper scissors and crayons so we made bird mask popups and she was so intrigued by how to make a simple popup. It was a lot of fun. One of the little girls kept cutting out squares, drawing door knobs and saying she made me doors. Which made me laugh. Then she had me draw a cupcake so I wrote in the card, Cupcakes are sweet and so are you.. She then made me a card with a cake and wrote ver batim: Christmas merry sweet to you have cake. I busted out laughing and gave her a big hug. No Idea. Loved it. Posted it on my wall.

Friday May 15:
Today was allll computers. I spent the entire day looking up job listings and printing them out. Nothing too exciting just trying to find the best sites for el paso. Sadly the El Paso Times website didn't work and they usually have the most up to date and legitimate job postings. Its fun to sort of be comfortable with this part because I spend my month of job searching myself. The hard part is that a lot of these women barely have there GED or don't have it so my searching focus is a lot different. I have to look for hourly skilled jobs for basically the equivalent education of a 16 year old, or an 18 year old. Some of the women have some college but some don't. I had to mark a lot of the ones for UTEP and EPCC as BA/MA required so they don't waste their time.

Reflections this week:
I am flip flopping between feeling competent, and feeling so tiny. It is because these women are so incredible. They are taking steps to improve their lives and they are so humble and sweet, yet hard and independent. I had a conversation with one of the women Lo. She is in the process of taking her gen Eds at EPCC in hopes to get a CNA by the time she leaves. After that she wants to pursue teaching with the money she is making as a CNA. I don't know how thats going to work quite yet but we'll have our first official meeting in a week or two. Either way she was so excited about this class she just finished her exams for. The teacher was proud of her and praised her in front of the other students. Papers that would take a middle class freshman 20 minutes takes her hours because she is not used to formal typing,writing, english, research etc. But she did it, with kids and work and all sorts of issues to deal with. These are the types of situations I'll be working with and I am already excited for my first graduation party.

But why do I feel competent/incompetent? I am that college freshman who grew up writing papers in twenty minutes. I can do my job and do it well. I am 24 with an almost masters, no kids, a full time job, benefits, a car, and a support system. But I had it so easy. How can I tell these women everything will be fine when I don't know if they'll pass their GED? Not because they are dumb, but because the system asks you to use a type of english they are not used to. I was reading a book called Understanding Poverty that talks about how students from low to very low income grow up with the social rules of their class which often excludes the formal register of speech required for success in the middle class. Think of life at work. When you have conversations with your friends, your conversations require their interaction. Every conversation is like a story being told.. Then so and so.. do you believe it? But when we switch to business or school the tone changes.. or register as this book calls it. You switch to a formal register. So and so has this job to do and will finish it by this time. Thank you, Sincerely Phyllis. This is the register that is a required rule for success in the middle class, but a register that most low to very low class families rarely use or have access to. The education system is based on the median "culture" aka the middle class culture and its rules. Which means low class students go to school in a middle class culture, and are required to learn the invisible cultural rules of that class in order to pass the tests. Think of testing: ALL IN THE FORMAL REGISTER. GED=FORMAL REGISTER. Applications, job interviews, job descriptions, course listings, everything needed to succeed in the middle class.. or any class.. requires use of a type of english that most of the women at the center don't really have access to.

So that leaves me with a question. How can I use what I know to benefit them?

Saturday May 16th:
My Training was this weekend!!!
I am not going to say to much right now because I'll be spending my day processing and I don't want to get into that brain right now but I will say it went very very well thanks to becky and peggy for all their help. My spanish was relatively rough but the activities we did helped a lot because instead of presenting content they could read it and we could explain it to the groups in more depth. It was so hard and so challenging but went very well! A lot of the women left very grateful and excited to use their new information. Success!

Day One and Two

2009-05-14T11:33:00.002-05:00

Phew its been crazy! I am about to head out to work again but thought I'd post on days one and two first...

Tuesday Official day 1!

Tuesday and Thursday are my late mornings so I got to work around noon. I met with my supervisor Shadecie and we went over paperwork, I got the tour, keys and the official introduction to my office that I share with the director of programming. She left for lunch so I nestled into my office and started inventory. Basically I'm one of those people that needs to know what I have at my disposal. So I rampaged all the files and folders and resources to figure out what was there. Much to my dismay it was obvious that they have turned this job over a few times in the last year. The same sets of forms and files were in multiple places. I got to work trying to organize my files and whatnot. I didn't get far when Shadecie called me down to shock therapy. Haha.. not really but she put me to run the front office for awhile. That was fun because when all the ladies come in they have to sign in so I got to meet a bunch of them. It also means handing out meds, cleaning supplies for chores, taking messages and opening the security gate. It is a safe facility so we have a big metal gate around us to keep unwelcome visitors out like ex husbands and such. That was basically my first day.

Day two came with fury. I had plans for reorganization already. I still didn't have computer access but I knew I had to get those files in order for me to feel good about my organization. So I set to condensing, tossing stuff I wouldn't need (sign in sheets from 2006? really?) etc. It was like nesting. After that I started the monumental task of organizing all of the brochures and resources we have. There are all these informational packets about different programs and organizations that I'm not familiar with yet so I put them all in a big binder so I could find them and be comfortable with it. After THAT the IT dept got me set up with email and computer stuff so the real fun begins as I start to input contacts and make databases. I won't lie I'm sort of lost on what my day to day stuff will look like but I think that will all start next week. For now I am just trying to work on a few of the bigger projects that will be compiling resources. Next week I start my initial meetings with the ladies to get a handle on where they are at in education and job status. Yesterday I also worked with Clemencia (Director) a little bit. They are taking some of the ladies to Adventure Zone with their kids this weekend so we were organizing teams and such. All of the sudden it was 5:30 and I had to be at BBB at 6 for my last shift!!! I'm still looking for someone to cover my Fri but I'm calling in either way because I have to be in juarez to meet peggy.

Saturday is my training and I am sooo excited but incredibly nervous I haven't been practicing my Spanish. Yikes!

Later guys!

yesterday.

2009-05-12T10:58:00.002-05:00

A loooonnngg day yesterday. after coming back to work on training stuff, taking a nap and grabbing a snack I headed to BBB for my 6-11 shift. First I grabbed the wrong shirt so I ended up just wearing my black shirt from the day covered in fuzzies from my nap, then I forgot my cell phone which is always rather unnerving. At work I expected to come in to praise after setting up a pretty amazing registry and basically handing them our largest registry on a platter. Much to my dismay, the girl I had told to call the bride never did so they didn't come in, we missed our deadline for Fine China counts, and the registry though still good wasn't finished. I still kicked ass and it will be a good registry in the end but I was so frustrated that my work went to crap. Most importantly I was frustrated that I was frustrated about my work in friggin retail. I don't CARE how many pieces of fine china we move in a week. I don't care. So needless today my day at work today will be gratifying and exciting because it actually has an impact on peoples lives other than the color of plates they choose. The people I work with will take food on a cardboard box and probably have. Praise God for simplicity, hope and the honor of a job that makes change in the world.

I'll post how my first "official" day at work goes. I get off around eight, to justins for dinner then training prep after! YIPE!!!

The New Job.

2009-05-11T17:24:00.003-05:00

I got a new job. I am the education and career development specialist at the YWCA: Transitional Living Center (TLC). I am stoked.

The TLC is a place for homeless women and their children to come and stay for anywhere between 6 and 24 months while they get back on their feet. They are offered a range of social services including but not limited to me!!

I'll be in charge of coordinating the education plans of all of the residents, teaching classes, tranings, and seminars to the residents, coordinating childrens activities for the time during those classes, and thinking of fun events and seminars for them all during the summer months. It will be a range of working with both the adults and their education, hoping that they leave with skills that will help them land jobs, as well as working with the children and teaching life skills and values.

Have I mentioned this job is perfection?

So today was my first day and I spent the morning in YWCA New-hire orientation. I was the only full time hire and it was sort of a strange feeling. I feel oddly empowered to do this job. I know I can do it and do it well. A few years ago I wouldn't have been able to say that!! God is good!

I am also excited that this position means some stability in my life. It sort of adjusts my goals a little bit. I am still hoping to graduate in August but if I can't get all my work done AND graduate by August I can now afford to push it back til November and be able to breathe. I am going to try my damnedest not to have to do that but its an option. I am also excited to be in one place for a good amount of time. Becky and I are getting an apartment on the east time and we are both planning on sticking around for atleast 2 years!! Hurrah!!

It also means I can keep investing in the Rio and put some roots down there.

It ALSO means I can pay off my credit cards and think about a new computer. I'll be able to afford it being on salary.. I'll have health insurance and I'll be in a job that will make an impact.

PERFECTION. God is good.. he provides as usual. Thank to everyone for your continued support.

The goodness.

2009-04-30T15:43:00.002-05:00

I have been having a great few weeks. I am meeting great people, playing ultimate, being outdoors, enjoying work, playing guitar, studying hard and just overall finding joy in life. It has been a welcome change after the last few months of doubts and stupid choices. Overall I feel good about where I am at, and where I am going.

Played guitar yesterday for a few hours and my fingers hurt.. BUT I made some good progress and feel pretty good about the learning and the playing.

I hope everyone is doing well.. leave me a comment to let me know you are alive.

Training and stuff..

2009-04-23T13:45:00.002-05:00

This week has been really good. I've been meeting some new people and connecting to a ministry in the area. More importantly I am starting to understand my calling. I have been getting pretty fired up about designing some equipping trainings for some ministries in the area. I guess I just have always felt like my niche in faith is inspiring and equipping others to do outreach and serve. Not that I can't do those things as well.. but now that I have the skills to develop training design and whatnot, I keep getting all these ideas and its very exciting. More and more I realize that my path is set and straight I just have to keep one foot in front of the other.. So thats what I'm gonna do

Update on school:
RPQs 1 and 2 are written and submitted
RPQ 3 is all but finished
RPQ 4 is a question mark
Training is going to be on May 16th
and my thesis is sort of a reflection based on how the training goes..

I petitioned to graduate in August. Lets see if it happens

better.

2009-04-12T17:29:00.002-05:00

Went out with the roommates last night after a day of "studying" and relaxing. This morning I was going to go play frisbee but noone showed so I went to see Fast and Furious for my Easter celebrating. Nothing but law breaking and Vin Diesel to celebrate resurrection sunday... Now I am working vigorously on my paper and watching GG in the background. I woke up to fruit and yogurt, water and a jog. I feel pretty good today. Now I'm starving. :) I'll grab something to snack on. Target brand yogurt is phenomenal in case you were wondering. I highly recommend pomegranite cherry. Yum.

Adios!

Freaking out.

2009-04-09T03:03:00.002-05:00

I am stressed out. I am freakingout that it is nearly easter, I have tooons of work to do and I am struggling with focus. I have a cold sore again.. and I have reasoned that it is recurring because I botched my latest good work on changing my diet. I spent a good month recalibrating my system to eat well, be active and drink loots of water. Then I stressed out, and started back on my sugar diet it. Now I feel like crap, i'm exhausted with no focus and this blasted cold sore stops me from eating anything worthwhile anyway. arg. On top of that I am feeling uber irrational. I flip flop between sending emails of my verbal emotional vomit to different people in my life I convince myself need to know exactly how I feel or how their every word makes me feel.. getting my tongue pierced again.. ditching work to go to Abilene... and sitting on my butt eating brownies and watching heroes til my eyes bleed because I have no clue where to go to finish my paper. I feel so confused and lost in all of this crap that I don't know what to do other than just make a drastic change. So I'm going to try. Starting tomorrow I am going to attempt to do as many of the things on my list below:

Drink two liters of water
Go running.
Go to Corner Bakery and write.
Go to First Baptist to try and get my insurance money.
Eat 2 pieces of fruit and one vegetable whole and fresh.
Not sleep til noon.
Lay out in the sun for 30 minutes.
Play guitar for 30 min.
Read my daily devotion.
Not have soda.
Call my mom or sister.
Go to bed by midnight, sleep no more than 8 hours.
Not spend a dime.

Industrious..

2009-04-05T18:02:00.002-05:00

This was a good week for me.

I finished all my stuff for my training and wrote a good chunk of my second paper.. So thats good.
Work was good this week and then last night I went out with a couple friends from work. It was pretty hilarious. Its possible I almost had a girl beat me up.. but luckily some shmuck felt all protective. Pretty soap opera.. It was nice to let loose and dance a bit, laugh and hang out with the girls. I missed laughing. Sadly I have the most fun at work these days.

I might end up applying at a new roller rink opening up in town. I wouldn't mind a few extra bucks a month to help out. I make just enough to cover rent, credit card, and food but gas is stretching everything a bit thin. That and my unruly splurging on things like the purple jeans I bought for 12 dollars yesterday. Sure its only twelve bucks and they are hilariously phenomenal, but still its not good for the budget.

New Again.

2009-04-01T13:29:00.002-05:00

Well.. haha. I don't know where to start on recapping so I won't. I'll just give the gist of where I'm at now.

I am single and feeling pretty good about that right now. Made an incredibly difficult decision with the help of family and friends to end a relationship that was becoming unhealthy and difficult. God was not as center as he needed to be and it affected ever aspect of the relationship. So I am feeling good about that decision despite the difficulty.

I am living in El Paso, Texas. The focus is on finishing my school and it is super frustrating right now. I have 4 papers, a thesis and a training to finish by August and I just don't know if I see that happening. I am already pushing my graduation back to August and if I can't really get some work done by the end of April I'll need to push it again. The most frustrating part is feeling lost in deadlines. There are no concrete deadlines just assumed schedules of when papers might be turned in so it is hard to really get to work and feel like it HAS to be done. My training is scheduled for May 9, and I think I just finished revisions to my first paper. I am about 1/3 done with my second paper. I feel better this week now that I know that I can't slack off anymore. I think my big issue is my study habits. I have a hard time studying at home. I usually need to seriously stay somewhere for 4-8 hours, best place being a library but the only one I like around here is UTEP for its books and they don't let me use their internet because I am not a student. I usually end up at Kinleys, but on my days off its a pretty big waste of gas.

Outside of school, work is going well. For those who don't know I am working at Bed Bath and Beyond. I just got trained as a Front End Supervisor which is pretty sweet. That just means I work at the Customer Service desk and supervise the other cashiers and such, help with training, and do important things like approve refunds and discounts. SCARY!! We still haven't found out if we get a raise or not but I'll find out on my next check I guess. Whether we do or not, I'll still get good hours since there are only four of us.

Other than that, things are going well with family I guess. I miss my sister and her family a lot. Every once and a while I think about living out there for a few years. I don't really like that area, but I miss being near family and stuff. For now the plans are to look for a job in Dallas. I know I know. I never planned on living in Texas, but right now they have a pretty good job market.. you know.. being their own country and all. Plus I really wouldn't mind being near Brooke and her family. They've always sort of been my surrogate family :) It would be better than starting new.. again. I am hating El Paso right now because I know a total of 12 people, 3 of which were my fellow interns. The other 9 I work with and see plenty during the week. Outside of that all my friends are in Juarez, and I really don't cross over much.. it is pretty expensive.

Well thats the drill so far I am off to work on some training stuff this afternoon.

My goal: Finish training paperwork English and Spanish.
Tomorrow: Try to outline and have a rough draft of my second paper RPQ2.

Hello!!

2009-01-29T00:48:00.003-06:00

Updates...

My internship ends on Saturday and I won't lie I am relieved but also stressed. I have applied to over 40 positions in El Paso and only just got my first interview for one of the least expected. Nasser and I are flying out to Missourri to get my car from my mom. I feel bad about the hit and run visit, but it WILL be good to see her, even if for just a few minutes. We are then heading to Dallas to spend some much needed qt with Brooke and the hubby. Woot! We'll pass through Abilene briefly if only to say hello to brandon, and then be on our way back to El Paso in time for Nasser to do his ref thing. Speaking of which.. yes the rumors are true.. Nasser and I are dating! Now that greaterworks is ending and there are no longer going to be communities in Juarez.. We can finally be official.. it has been a tough few months pretending like it wasn't happening, but what can I say.. rules are meant to be broken. He is a phenomenal man and I am excited to see what happens in the future!

Lots of news..

2009-01-18T23:56:00.002-06:00

Lots of things have happened in the last week or so...

I got my shoulder surgery.. I am currently doped up and still in a bit of uncomfort. Thankfully I am surrounded by people who truly care for me and are worrying every minute possible.

Second bit is that I am leaving my internship with Greaterworks earlier than expected. I got the news Friday that I will be transitioning out by February 1st. That means I am job searching like crazy and apartment hunting as well. We have found some great choices though and pretty affordable with roommates. So that's sort of the immediate plan. I'll be flying up to Missourri to get my car from my mom as soon as I can so that I'll have a vehicle. Sort of a bummer for her since she just got it.. I feel bad since I know it has been a help to her.. but I don't have much of an option since I have to transition out so quickly. Luckily there is a pretty good bus system here until that is resolved.

In other news things are going well for me overall.. I am still living a life of vague explanations until details can be revealed post Feb 1st. But trust me when I tell you things are going delightfully well in all areas of my life. There have been a few bumps in the road, and it has been an odd journey but God is doing some crazy cool things in my life. I am nervous for the big reveal.. but I am ready to be open with my life story more than the two or three people who really know whats going on. So.. stay tuned :)

2009-01-12T23:19:00.000-06:00

job searching..

2009-01-04T15:34:00.002-06:00

I have been exploring some training specific job boards and organizations.. I won't lie I am pretty excited about what its looking like. I am going to have some good options and directions out there.. thats encouraging :) I leave for Minneapolis tomorrow.. for our retreat. I still don't know what the next few months are going to look like, or who they will include for that matter, but I am hoping that God is in the midst of it and that it will work out as it always does. I miss the less complicated days.. but I guess you have to grow up some day.. haha.. I'm still working on that..

Well I need to go pack and possibly play a little guitar. I can almost crappily play Yesterday AND Amazing Grace. Woot.

Our Mid year retreat offering.

2008-12-31T22:03:00.000-06:00

Decisions.

2008-12-25T21:04:00.001-06:00

In the process of making some pretty big decisions right now regarding my immediate future. I know it will include El Paso for the time being, graduating earlier than expected, and later than hoped. It will include making big job decisions, and growing up a lot and just a little bit. Confusing? Yes. Good? Yes. I feel like I am finally starting to see what I want to be doing with my life, what I enjoy and what I DON'T enjoy. So I will update you soon enough. Thank you to all who have been keeping an eye out :?)

Feliz Navidad!

Big Things

2008-12-11T23:52:00.002-06:00

Some pretty amazing stuff has been happening in my life. I have met some pretty freakin phenomenal people in the last few months, my mom sounds so happy, my sister is doing well, and no fires recently for our family.. It has been great. This past week went by so quickly. I don't believe tomorrow is Friday and I have to study!!! I'll be spending the whole day in a cafe once again trying desperately to catch up. and then we have our team exmas partay!! WOOOOOOT! It will be fun. On saturday the kids comedor has a xmas party, and we might be eating a xmas dinner cooked by my favorite Mexican Mexican ... Nasser Moreno.. Ujuuuu!! at pastor's house as well. It shall be a blast.

Updates: I still don't know about my shoulder surgery. BOO. BUT the lady at the Ortho place is on it.. she hasn't been slacking so thats helpful. The problem is on the end of Workers comp. But coolness lies in the Ortho lady because she said she has called almost every day, and if she doesn't have an answer back from the guy tomorrow she is going to call his supervisor. oooooohhhh.. Praise the Lord for people who want to do their job well and fight for their clients!!!
The bad news is the surgery won't be BEFORE break, but atleast I know stuff is cookin.

Wow. So November's over?

2008-11-30T10:30:00.002-06:00

Welcome to December. Yuck.

Things are going well but pretty stressful right now. Doctor hasn't called me to schedule a surgery, my schoolwork is going very VERY slowly, Dad doesn't have a job again, it's been great to hang out with Nasser but stressful too since the Man is somewhat against it. Work wise though not much has changed. Mostly I just feel like I don't have time for ANYTHING. I haven't studied in like 3 weeks because of waiting for my professor to approve my topic. She did, but she changed it so now I have to start over. I was going to yesterday but Thanksgiving craziness took over. I ended up going to thanksgiving with Pastor Jorge and the family. His brother's family lives in El Paso so I crossed to Juarez at 3, went to church at 5, then we left to cross into EL Paso at like 8:30, only to leave the truck and cross by foot. Then at about midnight we finally crossed back into Juarez, only for Nasser and I to jump back in the truck to cross into El Paso again. We were in El Paso that night, then I crossed to Juarez Friday to bring him home, only to be invited to stay in Juarez Friday night. So I stayed and hung out with Eileen most of the night. Went to the comedor on Saturday morning, and finally got "home" at like 3pm on Saturday. I slept allll day until midnight, ate some food and went back to bed. CRAZY. But it ended up a pretty satisfactory Thanksgiving so I'm happy! Nuts though eh?

Goodness.

2008-11-06T15:36:00.002-06:00

At Kinleys. Working on newsletters. My feet are FREEZING.

Updates:

My friend Nasser from Mexico City finally moved out here and what a blast hanging out with him. It's great to have a friend in the area. He is hoping to get an apartment and find some english classes. I am learning more an more spanish everyday thanks to amazing convos with him, eileen and the women at the costura. Things are going pretty well now that the dust has settled from a pretty yucky september/october. November is looking up though!! It is crazy to think the fall semester is over though. I still don't have a paper written! Yikes! I have two weeks before I hit my paper 1 written deadline. I blame my prof for not ever saying my paper is ok. I am ready to write it out and get it done.. but its taking forever for her to let e know when I can start!!

I go for an MRI this week on my shoulder sometime so I can hear back on Tuesday whether surgery is immenant. He sounded pretty sure it would need to happen. Boo. but whatevs.

I found a frisbee league in the area I want to check out. Funny that this follows the surgery blip eh? Well I doubt the surgery would be soon and man I need to get in on some action. I am so freakin out of shape. yuck. I also found some good geocaching in the area.. hurrah.

Mom is moving! Its really happening! She got my car from Michigan and the plans are in the works! We are so excited!!!!

Progress.

2008-10-24T15:32:00.003-05:00

Today is a Friday. That means my butt is glued to a seat in Kinleys for hours on end while I try and figure out what the smack I am doing for my papers and classes. Today.. I reached a milestone. My research is basically done in its initial needs. Meaning I no longer have to attack the UTEP library searching for a basis of my paper. I always hating going into a research paper trying to fit sources into what my paper was about. Research is about learning, finding themes, drawing conclusions based off of many sources, ideas, theories, models and seeing what fits and what doesn't. Thats what I think anyway. So I have spent the last few fridays perusing and pillaging the stacks at UTEP. Today I have finally formulated my RPQ for my advisor in hopes of approval so I can begin phase two of my first practicum paper. It has helped immensely that my other cohort folks are online and finally commenting back and forth about whats going on in their own experiences.

One such discussion led me to realize my need to design some trainings while I am here in order to make it relevant to the CLC I am in. SO due to my milestone.. I am off to start designing curriculum for some trainings I am thinking about doing. I think one of them I can do pretty easily without havint to work TOO hard. The other will be pretty extensive though so I am going to wait til I can really journal and explore what that will look like.

My clock is ticking.

2008-10-05T18:03:00.003-05:00

So we have this clock in our living room.. it is the bane of my existence. It is so freaking loud, and until this afternoon it was consistently 15 minutes slow causing us to almost always be late. No big deal in Mexico, but annoying to realize ever time we got their late that one or all of us had been watching the loud clock and thus we were late again. I finally just got up and changed it today. Noone had really taken the minute to do it because it is in an awkward place. To be honest I was just nervous because a cienpies had be seen there recently.. they are these HUGE millipedes that will chomp chomp chomp their way down your arm or leg or whatever it can grab and hurt like a beit. thus.. I just made the addition of ten minutes each time I looked at the clock and moved on. WELL TODAY ALL THAT CHANGED. I was so annoyed by the ticking and the lateness so I got up on the rusty old folding chair wiggled the clock off the rusty old nail in the peeling paint wall and changed it to two minutes fast. bwa ha ha! Triumph!! I know it sounds stupid but it was big.

This morning I got up early after a full nights rest and worked outside a little bit. We all alternate chores and this week was my week for outside. Little did I know God was going to bless me with such a rare occurence as rain. I'm not being facecious it was amazing. You see cleaning outside means sweeping up all the dust back to its original place until it blows back the next week. Usually you sprinkle water on the floors to keep the dust from clouding up but God helped me with my chores and sent me rain!! So I went down in a beautifully cool sprinkle of rain and did some sweeping. I filled two cardboard boxes with dirt and put them in a less annoying place so they wouldn't just go back to where it was. Now that is somewhat futile because theres more dust where that came from.. I mean its the desert people.. but still it felt good. All in all I didn't feel like I did much that directly affect us.. I mean we don't really go down in that courtyard when we don't have groups here.. its right by the bunks, but atleast now we don't look down into it from our house and say ugh.. we need to clean that some time..

Church today was great! We came in last as usual and found some seats offered to us by a woman we know next to a gentleman who was so vibrant and full of joy!! Juan was leading worship so it was joyful and exciting but also very serious and inspiring.. I love this church! It is rediculous to realize that I haven't even felt the need to church shop down here. I love the church and all of the people that go there.. A lot of the women from the Costura go there, and we know a lot of the other women and youth and kids from Saturday Kids Comedor. It was great walking in and seeing so many people I knew and had talked with many times. I was telling becky I feel more welcome and involved in this congregation than any I had ever gone too. Even First Pres. Sure youth group was home, but going to church was always horrible because I never knew anyone. I thought about working with the kids on sundays too but I realized I need the time to refill and renew, to learn and to focus on my own relationship with God and where I'm at. It is not a time for me to serve and give out.. I am doing that all week long. This week Juan and Laura are hosting some Americans who are working with the clown ministry at the Centro (Rehab). The pastor with them gave the sermon while Laura interpreted. Man I don't like interpreting!! I love listening to how people interpret though.. I learn a lot of spanish that way. By seeing and hearing someone make decisions for which words best explain or communicate what they are saying. I was surprised at some of her choices and learned some great new usable phrases.

Tomorrow begins another week and I am super excited. I head to the Costura to work with Peggy on taking pictures of her items to send to my mom via CD. I'll probably also help do some pricing and coding, and just hang out with the women. I loved seeing some of them at church this Sunday and seeing the smiles on their faces when they recognized me too. Its not that I like that theyre happy to see me.. It just feels good that they feel comfortable around me finally.

As you can tell a lot is going on and life is pretty busy. I won't lie though there is a lot going on at home with family, and I miss some of my friends and family so much. Its hard knowing that I really can only talk to people on Fridays.. I guess I can talk late at night but with the time difference it doesn't really work out well. Anyway send me an email, say hello, come visit.. whatever!!

2008-09-29T23:13:00.002-05:00

The Sanson and Delila video from Kids Comedor. :)

Hello All!

2008-09-29T22:30:00.002-05:00

For those of you I've talked to while in the border line.. this is probably what I was looking at.. this is less than a mile of road that takes about 2 hours to drive through.. yuck.

This is my roommate Becky rockin out in our living room on our NEW COUCHES!

Here's Matt (bottom) and Carlos, Carlos won this tshirt for us at a concert.. I'll post some video of it on another post in a minute.. but check out this tshirt. It supposedly says now and for some reason has an american flag. Oh AND it smells like hollister. Weird.

These are pics of the area around our house. You can see El Paso and El Asarco..

The building with the yellow bars on the windows is our house. Not a good pic yet but I'll get more tomorrow.

2008-09-28T07:43:00.002-05:00

I am a happy girl today. God is so incredible, so good and faithful. This week has been nuts and already its sunday... yikes! Becky and I have been house sitting for our missionary friends at night and they get back today. Our first week of ministry site stuff somewhat starts today. I am heading to the orphanage early in the morning tomorrow to try and catch the director and talk to her about what I could be doing there with them.. Today Becky has her dinner in El Paso for the folks from her church. Matt and jaci are spending the day in El Paso but I am not heading over til later this afternoon. I am going to take the day to catch up on office work, sleep and phone calls. I'll be glad for a day to myself some.. Not that I don't adore my roommates :)

Gloria A Dios!

2008-09-22T10:52:00.002-05:00

I feel like a human for the first time in three or four days. Hurrah! I had a good day yesterday. Woke up feeling quazi yucky but had some breakfast, went to church at La Puerta with Becky. Came back afterwards to find Jaci and Matt with our two "new" couches from Savers in El Paso. Hurrah! The couches that were in here were sickdude.. like dust mites and God knows what else. Now we have nice clean new to us couches. :) Afterwards we did some bumming around before heading to site two for church. That was a blast for me. I hung out with Eileen all night talking about whatever.. messing up miserably in spanish, and watching the dudes/becky play soccer. It was a lot of fun. We came home and Becky and I played our first game of Phase 10. I might be addicted. I lost but I liked it :) Things are settling in here. We are leaving in about a minute to head to Site 4 again to talk to the pastor there about his ministry and school, then off to Site 5 to Mujer a Mujer (women's shelter) and to check out the orphanage (thats what I am interested in). We only have one more ministry to check out after this but then we will be figuring out out for sure schedules.

Well I am off on a new day.. with new intestines, new couches, and new hopes.

2008-09-21T14:12:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted much. Things have been pretty busy, then I got the stomach bug this weekend so I have been fighting off mama mexico. yuck. I am off to church now too so I'll post later but here is a link to where my pics will be on facebook:

http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2065004&l=a4c9a&id=54600030

First Week.

2008-09-18T16:50:00.002-05:00

Things are going well here in Jtown. This week we have been visiting ministries and looking around to see what types of things we might be interested in doing.. I am still not quite sure what exactly I'll be doing but I am pumped about a few of the different things I have seen going on. There is a ministry down here similar to Eternal Threads that is looking to start a website.. I was thinking about figuring out how to sell via a blog because they can't afford to pay for a legit website.. well there's a guy working on one but he won't be done for awhile and I think I can figure something out with a blog and paypal.. but who knows.. I'll ask around and see what people I know are doing... maybe I can hook them up.

Well its nap time.. tired.

Alive in Juarez

2008-09-15T14:14:00.002-05:00

Hey yo!

So things are going well and I promise I'll update more but our internet isn't working at the house so we have to go all the way to el paso to check/update email. It will be up soon I promise. We got into Juarez this past saturday.. I missed everyone but I am still adjusting to the realizatioon I'll be here for a year.. hurray!!

Adios!

2008-09-05T21:01:00.002-05:00

Well.. tomorrow morning is the big day. I leave for my internship tomorrow morning. I'll be in Minneapolis around 10:30 tomorrow night. I am staying with Nachelle for the night, along with Brenna then we start training stuff on Sunday. I am only slightly worried I won't be able to carry all my crap. hahaha.. oh well.. I'm tough.. :) I don't know exactly when we'll be heading to Mexico but it will be in a week or so I assume. I still have a lot of reading to do before sunday but I'll have plenty of time on the train. I am super excited to tell you that Nasser is moving to Juarez/El Paso so I'll have another friend in the area. I am excited to have another "brother" there.. he's been a good friend these past few years. Speaking of friends, Daniel heads off on his wild bike ride with his dad this weekend. I haven't really heard from him this week but it looks like he's planning on going off the grid for the trip so I am not surprised. He'll definitely be in my prayers, I think God has big plans for this trip!!

I was an idiot the other night. I watched bordertown. The JLo movie about the murders in Juarez. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL OR YOU WILL PANIC. hahah.. no it is about the factory worker serial murders that have been going on since the nineties.. doesn't really apply to me.. I won't be on buses, working in maquilas or really ever be anywhere alone like an idiot. Still it reminds me why big cities sometimes make me nervous.. for some reason I can handle the slums in mexico way more than I can handle urban chicago. I don't know why. I think I've been conditioned to see their desperation and choices differently. I was reflecting on this a little bit. I think of urban american cities, inner city violence etc as an evil/violent/angry scary... but when I think of the slums in Mexico I just think of families trying to get by with no opportunity, no light, no hope. I don't know why they seem so different.. it is the same systematic oppression, the same pipeline to poverty to prison cycle just with a different language, a different slang and under a different regime. An eye opening realization.

Duh.

2008-09-04T10:31:00.002-05:00

So I have a hard time going into stores where people are paid on commission. You know what I mean... So is this what you want? I think you need this? You would enjoy this, this, this, and this too! Foot tapping so they can get on to the next "big fish". Yuck. I would despise that job and I get super tense when I just need to sit stare and think for an hour before making a choice..

This is what happened to me the other day. I went in to REI to buy a backpack.. I knew I wanted an internal frame pack, nothing uber fancy, something on sale preferably, I had about 150 bucks to spend and it was labor day so things were on sale. I didn't know how to size them so I needed one of those sales people but man was he a turd. No thats too much.. he was just annoying. He gave me three options.. ultralight, deluxe or the travelpack thing that I hated. I was thinking ultralight anyway so I grabbed that one.. he said I needed a medium.. handed me a small to my dismay when I got home and I ran to the front. He just kept standing there and asking me about where I was traveling, how, why, and if I had done it before. Yucking it up while I was trying to think. Didn't let me ask questions or ponder.. just kept talking and pressuring. Ugh. Typically I already know what I want and don't want when I go into situations like that.. but whatever..he was doing his job.

So now I am going back to REI.. to switch it out. I haven't decided if I want to get the same one or a different one. Man.. this is why I need a constant wingman.. hahaha.. or wingwoman.

Sup.

2008-09-03T13:48:00.002-05:00

So I am starting a blog about this next year.. but I'm not making it public.. I love you all but its just one of those things.. hahah.. I already want to delete this blog.. but it is sort of fun to see how much of an idiot I was 4 years ago, and how much of an idiot I still am, the ups and downs. It's weird to think people could judge me on what stupid decisions I made 4 years ago.. or yesterday. but still it feels like hiding from those decisions if I delete it.. anyway.. God is doing some awesome things with my heart and ive been on the road to making some pretty substantial decisions... I think this year is a big part of it.. so I wanted to start fresh.. it isn't just another day or another experience.. but possibly the start of something new.. so I'll keep this ol regular blog.. but start with the new a bit as well.

Back to Reality..well for a few hours

2008-08-28T17:28:00.002-05:00

Made it back from Texas. Tuesday night Daniel and I went to a concert in Fort Worth that was a blast. I had spent the day hanging out with Brooke. Doing the Target runs and shopping fun. The concert was fun... sort of a blast from the past. I didn't know any of the bands that played but they were mostly great. Only one of them made me want to pierce my own eardrums.

Wednesday was spent readin and lounging at the pool, then Daniel came over and we cooked dinner for Brooke and Charles. After that we headed to Arlington and wasted time for the evening since my flight was leaving at like 530am and it wasn't worth sleeping.

Overall it was a great trip and I am sooooo glad I went.

Ileave tomorrow to pick up my sister at the airport.. my brother gets married on Saturday. HURRRRAHHHHH.

Tejas.

2008-08-25T23:04:00.002-05:00

So I am in Texas this week and it has been a lot of fun so far! Though stressful on some levels.

Saturday I got here in the morning and Brooke and I helped Charles set up his classroom since he starts his first day as a teacher today (monday). Then we went to their cute awesome apartment in Richland Hills to nap before people were coming over. Daniel had done his job of inviting some folks over and we went out to dinner, played some games and watched some Olympics. Then Sunday morning we went to church at pleasantridge then headed over to Brooke's parents house for some lunch. After lunch and some poster making Brooke and I headed to Abilene for the night. We met up with Megan, Cody, and Brandon for dinner and bowling then ended up at Brandon's house for some Rock Band. It was a blast! I had never played before! After that we headed to Cody's house where we were staying. Thats where Megan will live when they get married in November. It was good to be attacked by Jack a few times but I won't lie I don't miss living with Big Crazy dogs. They might be able to control them but I never could. We stayed up talking about the craziness of life and all of the drama going on. I feel like I am in a VERY weird transition phase right now that just won't actually transition. Hard to explain right here.. maybe I'll figure it out this week some time. Anyway.. Monday morning we got breakfast with Julie, talked with Ed at GSR for a bit, had lunch with some of Brooke's work buddies, headed to ACU to see the new buildings and visit with the Foreign Language Department. Then headed back to the Metroplex. I met with Daniel and we went out to Dinner with his sister, Rachel and Stev then to Stev's Softball Game. That was a lot of fun!!! Dinner was tasty and I am still full!

Weird thing of the week:

Last night my back freaked out. I have posted before about how I have had weird death dreams and my neck freaks out and it feels like this explosion sensation in my spine that is all buzzy, and numb sort of. Well this time it happened in the middle of my lower back where I've had so much pain. It was HUGE and horrible. It lasted for almost like 3 minutes and felt like someone tazered my spine. It felt like when the lady used the electrodes on my shoulder too close the muscle next to my neck and it made my shoulder spasm and freak out. My entire back arched and tensed up. i feel like I did situps and back exercises last night. So now I'm a bit worried about it. I wonder if that mattress this summer messed up my lower back and nerves are pinching.. I don't know but I do NOT want it to happen again.

More to come this week. I am excited to get ready for Mexico but glad I came here first!

2008-08-22T17:15:00.000-05:00

ME VOY A JUAREZ POR UN AÑO!

Chaffeur.

2008-08-22T08:51:00.002-05:00

I am about to head out to go pick up my dad from the airport. I leave tomorrow morning bright and early for Texas WOOOT at about 5am. I feel back for my dad since he already wasn't happy about me going, but I am very excited to get down there. We already have lots of things planned and I am pumped.

I talked to Liz and Shyle yesterday. They will BOTH be in Grand Haven the few days I'll be there so I'll get to see them even if it is only for a little bit. I am excited to see Liz's new baby.. All of the family will be in town for Andy's wedding.. My sister flies in around 1:30 so I am picking her up on my way into town and then going to get mom. She's hanging with Aggie the few days before and after the wedding but we are all sharing a hotel room. Girl's time I guess! I am so excited for my brother's wedding. He and vivian are too cute and he deserves it! He is one of my favorite people on this planet and I am sad that I haven't seen him much the past few years. It is always a crazy time coming to Grand Haven. Too many people to see in such short amount of time. It won't be any different this time around!

Once I get back from GH I will be at dad's for just under a week getting ready for the next year. Packing, paperwork, etc.. I am taking the train from Detroit to Minneapolis for 95 bucks!! I couldn't believe the price! It may take the whole day but seriously folks.. when you count in travel time to and from the airport plus exhaustion from planes airports take almost as long. Well ofcourse there's a huge difference between a train from Detroit to Minnepolis and one from New York to San Diego.. :)

Well I'll update when I hear my placement. I know nobody really reads this thing and I'm ok with that.

GW.

2008-08-20T20:48:00.002-05:00

Well.. Got the email from Lisa.. I didn't get the Youthworks position so I'll for sure be doing the Greaterworks Internship. I wasn't totally sure which I would have chosen if they had offered it to me. Probably the YW one, but I am still excited to do Greaterworks this year. It is a pretty amazing program and should be fun. I am still somewhat in the waiting game as I wait for placements. The word is that we should know by friday what our placement is. Possibilities include:

Juarez, mexico
Pine Ridge, SD
Marvell, AR
Monessan (sp?), PA
Booneville, AR
Minneapolis
Milwaukee

So once again WHOO KNOWS.

2008-08-20T11:33:00.003-05:00

I had dreams last night that I was in Texas and decided to move there. Arg. hahahha.. doubtful!

Still haven't heard back about the internship, still cleaning the apartment. I did start getting some of my stuff condensed and rooted out.. I have some weird stuff that I will never use ever again.. Off to Goodwill! I bought those compression bags for your clothes and mashed like two bins of clothes in one.. which is an amazing feat and important due to the size of my car :) If I have to drive to Minneapolis assuming I get the internship I'll need to take as much of my stuff as possible. The official move out.. creepy.

Update: My shoulder feels pretty goood.. but I still haven't gotten it checked out.. probably going to wait til I settle somewhere. Now my back problems are back though.. I think its just the lack of walking miles a day.. I had issues last year when I would be sitting for school all day long and its back. Its weird, and doesn't feel great.. Looks like I'll be caching this afternoon to make it feel better :)

Last interview..

2008-08-18T23:08:00.002-05:00

I had my phone interview with Lisa tonight. It was pretty great. She seemed very positive about how it went, my experience, and what I'm looking for. It's pretty exciting. I feel great about where I am at with work stuff right now. I should find out in the next few days whether they offer it to me or not. It should be fun to speed apartment hunt. HOPEFULLY Becca will get a job too and she can be my roommate.. We were peeking on craigslist and found a BUNGALOW a block and a half from YW headquarters. Craziness.. its pretty good price too. I would love to just be able to say I lived in a bungalow in minneapolis. holy crap.

2008-08-18T13:32:00.004-05:00

I heart Magic Erasers.. you know.. the cleaning thing by mr clean that totally erases like scuff marks and stuff.. I am cleaning Dad's place top to bottom and trying to do some decorating too. Kitchen is almost done, LIving room is a mess but the worst is the walls are so bare!! So I am on a mission to make this place look good while he's gone for the next few days. :) Then off to texas.

I missed Pandora. :)

to wait.. or to live. meh.

2008-08-16T21:50:00.002-05:00

I went geocaching yesterday and today. It was refreshing to be outside in nature that I don't have to fear. I don't mind being in nature in the south or other places that contain rattlesnakes/bears/other creatures I would have no clue what to do with.. but it was liberating being in michigan woods and feeling at home. Given it was a park in the middle of the city.. but there were real trees. real dirt. earthworms and black ants. maples. evergreens. oaks. beautiful woods. Man it was surreal smelling dirt. I know its so strange but when I was little my friends and I lived in the woods. We were constantly in trees, digging up dirt, cleaning out old trees for amazing forts, sledding in the middle of nowhere. I remember one night a bunch of us went out to the old plant up by rosy mound and climbed up the dune and ehem.. over a fence around like 11pm. We found this huge hill and brought all of out sleds and stuff out with us. There was so much snow that if you broke the surface of the snow you were up to your hips without touching ground. We sledded for like 3 hours. I think at one point I didn't even have a sled I was just somersaulting down the hill. haha. Anyway.. yesterday I was 0 for 3. Today I went to 2 of those three and still couldn't find them, but I did find 2 others in another park. Its possible I was trudging through poison ivy... I don't know. I texted Daniel and Brandon.. they both said 3 leaves.. and thats what I was trudging through but I never got itchy. I rocked the listerene bath later.. maybe thats what helped. I don't know. Earlier today Dad and I went to go see Tropic of Thunder. HILARIOUS. It was only slightly crude at parts, but otherwise pretty hysterical. Tonight we are relaxing with burgers "Into the Wild" and some Phelps making history.

OH... I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKETS TO TEXAS. I am going. Its happening. I am soo excited to come down. I am pumped to stay with Brooke and spend some time with her. I am excited to go to Abilene and see brandon and hopefully megan too. I am so ready to finally see Daniel again too. It is weird talking to him all the time and not ever actually see him. Sometimes it feels like he'll come walking around the corner some day ( I mean that.. its kind of strange :)). That would be a good day... Well anyway It should be an exciting week. It will be fun to see people, and reconnect. I get a full week down there.. from the 23rd to the 30th.. WOOOOOT!

Panera. Oh how I adore thee.

2008-08-15T13:00:00.002-05:00

Today's jaunt to Panera was much more successful. Yesterday I came and totally forgot my powercord. Today I have my new laptop! Dad is letting me take his nice vaio because he got a new one for work. So today I am working hard as I try and figure out what the heck I should be doing for my practicum. So far I am still somewhat lost. I do know however that I am leaving for Texas a week from Saturday for a week then heading to the other side of the state for a few days to see SHYLE AND LIZ who will be in town HURRRRRAaaahhhhhh I am excited to see my girls!!!

Well I am off to REI to drool over a GPS and backback. ugh. I hate trying to save money.

SO ... Now what?

2008-08-14T01:26:00.002-05:00

I am officially in Michigan, chilling out at my dad's house.. a recap.....

We drove up from Oklahoma to Kansas City on Saturday... From Kansas City to Minneapolis on Sunday.. we had debrief/check in stuff on Monday. Flew out from Minneapolis on Tuesday to Detroit.. and here I am.

Here's where I'm at:

I am in the process of applying/interviewing for some different things at youthworks. A full time position, a full time paid internship, and lastly a full time internship that is w/ housing and stipends. Pretty cool stuff but a little crazy on the decisions end. All but the last would be based in Minneapolis/St Paul which is fun.. I am pretty excited about that possibility. Its a pretty awesome city...

The internships/job would start in the beginning of september so for now I am hanging out. I am also hoping.. planning.. on going to Texas for a week towards the end of August, then hitting Grand Haven for a few days soon thereafter before packing up and heading out.

Trying to start getting to at least one of my papers for my RPP and some of the business end of that stuff.. yikes.. lots to do. My dad also wants me to start painting/decorating his place up a bit craziess.

Crack.

2008-07-23T13:44:00.003-05:00

had my pt appointment yesterday. It hurt but he showed me some exercises to do with one of those big theraband things. I did them today and I hurt but its ok.

Got an email from SIETAR yesterday offering me an almost 700 euro scholarship to go to the congress conference in Spain this fall. Man. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. Could I bet on the possibility of taking a few days off to go to spain? Would I even want to do that alone? Anyone want to go to spain for the week of the 22-25 of October?

Talked to Dave at Greaterworks the other day about possibilities in internship stuff with them. Thats assuming AD stuff with YW doesn't work out. Not that I am even assuming thats what will happen, just saying its still a possibility.

Ohhhh geez OSCers are returning from soccer I gotta go get some finances done. Later!

2008-07-19T00:02:00.002-05:00

Crapstack.

So we were all in the Clubroom (all meaning the area staff, because the KC and Booneville staffs are hanging out with us this weekend) watching nothing other than STEP UP TWO WOOOTTTTASTIC. I heard a plop but didn't think anything.. i was too busy grooving. Turns out my cell plopped into my glass of water. Good thing it wasn't soda. But I still don't know if it will be working yet.. SOOOOOO email me your cell # just in case. I can use my alternate if I NEED to get a hold of you.

Medical Update:
Went to the doc thursday.

He said:
Phys Therapy 3xweek x4weeks. I tore my rotator cuff, he believes. He is saying that its possible the PT will help but might not. If it is still excruciating in four weeks to go get an MRI when I get home so they can do the surgery. He was pretty much like most people would say do the surgery but with schedule stuff I might as well try PT first. Honestly it will waste more time with PT than surgery, but atleast he didn't JUMP to surgery......

pause. just scratched my head and a HUGE flying buzzing thing was on it. My left arm flew up to dust it off AKA PAINFUL OUCH GOING TO BED GOODNIGHT. Sad day.

Well, well well well.

2008-07-16T10:21:00.002-05:00

So a pastor just prayed for me on the phone. That was nice of him

My shoulder hurts a bit today.Quite a bit actually but its ok. i head to the doctor tomorrow morning to get it checked out. The resident radiologist/ youth leader is telling me to get an MRI just in case. Yikes. I hope everything is ok.

one hand

2008-07-13T16:05:00.002-05:00

Currently I am one handed typing. Well I should be but I have jimmy rigged it so I can sort of two handed type. Last Monday I dislocated my shoulder.. like seriously grossly done. Went to the ER, no bone chip but it is NOT getting better despite this God forsaken immobilizer sling pos. The hardest part is that I hide pain pretty well.. I think its a family trait ;) I'm not going to lie though, today I am hurting pretty bad. Ice helps a bit but I can't keep it iced all day. Ibuprofen helps, but not for long. The hydrocodone made me pass out and you can't run mission trips half dead. Last week's groups were awesome about it. it happened early in the week and they saw it all go down, out an dback in. YUCK. But now we have a new group coming and I can't decide. Wear the brace, explain the injury and hope that helps when I am having a painful day and can't go above and beyond. Or ditch the brace, let it hurt, and go to the doctor monday and the groups won't be the wiser. I seriously can't decide. Worst yet I dont' think my team believe me that I am in pain.. which is so hard. I don't want to let them down, I don't want to seem like a slacker, especially when I know Zack's knee hurts far worse. But I can't help it. I hurt, and it is exhausting.

In other news: God is good. I learned a lot this week about my own humility, the balance of living in pain without complaint, and allowing others to serve you. I learned that our team is a delicate balance of love and passion, perfection and need for rest.

Well.. just got the call a group will be here in 15 minutes. Gotta run. Pray for us. health. love. patience and that God will move!

Reuben.

2008-07-07T14:10:00.002-05:00

Something hit me today as I read 1 Chronicles. Odd since I rarely actually read when perusing 1/2 Chronicles.. so and so begat so and so etc.. But today God used it. I was reading about how Reuben messed up and his birthright as oldest son was passed to Joseph. Man. I bet if he had known that he could have been the "Abraham, Isaac and Reuben" that he wouldn't have slept with someone else's concubine, or whatever it was. Sometimes I think about the dumb stuff I do that just seems like stupid choices. Have I missed out on my Abraham Isaac and Phyllis? haha. No but seriously.. I know that noone is perfect, and that if Reuben wouldn't have messed up Joseph wouldn't have had a shot at rocking the Pharoahs world. But still.. I want to fulfill the role God has for me in the world, and sometimes I think I am wasting my life away waiting for it to happen. Should I jump? Every sunday we tell youth that they are Jumping into God's will by being here this week and opening their lives up for God to move and transform them. Have I forgotten to Jump?

Its possible that I am super irrational today. but something within me is moving and writhing to get out. What am I missing? Am I denying God the chance to make me that third name? Or am I reubening by making easy choices and taking the road given me. We'll see I guess.. thats my catch phrase for life. I just wish I could take the bull by the horns and run in God's direction.

I sent an email to the Earlham Univ. Border Studies Program again today.. I never heard if they filled the position.. I also emailed Greaterworks, and still waiting about the YW! AD position... I feel pretty at peace though. Sometimes I just want to hit the road, grab a friend and explore people, organizations, communities.

I was sitting today thinking that the one thing I cherish about Youthworks summers is that I am always engaged with the world. I can't check out and read email, facebook or watch tv/movies. I am always in relationship, spending time with people etc. It reminds me of my desire to travel and invest in the body of Christ in an organic way. Not tied to an organization or a city, but engaging people in different places, blessing them, encouraging them, getting to know their personal culture. Its not that I don't want to settle somewhere eventually, but I don't want a life of complacency. I want to move, to be God's instrument, and have freedom in that movement.

Sheesh.. God is doing a lot in me these past few weeks. It is great, but I am sort of soul worn a bit.

Amendment etc.

2008-07-06T14:47:00.002-05:00

Squidcat got adopted... by a dog. Ofcourse his name was Squid dog. He lives down the road. he showed up friday and fell in love with squid cat "momming" him and loving on him. This included tummy rubs grooming, and picking squidcat up by the scruff and gently bringing him to the shade etc. We came out an hour later to find them both gone. Squid cat never returned though Squid dog is seen randomly.

We had a group cancel this week so we only have 45 people coming. It will be a true blessing because we are going to go to a fundraiser for our evening meal monday night. It is for Jake, the boy who was burned so badly a few weeks ago. The town of Pawhuska has rallied around his family, and because we have a smaller group we will be able to go and support him and his family. It doesn't hurt that the fundraiser is an all you can eat steak dinner. Yum.

I am extremely excited for this week. God has been working on my heart this weekend, and for some reason I have an energy inside of me that is not typical of a Sunday. I am ready for more movement. He has worked so much in each of us this summer, and I am excited to see it come alive once again.

I have been praying a lot about the future. What the next few months might entail. I still haven't heard about the AD position and I am seriously at peace about it. I feel really great about the possibility of taking a few months to travel. Use my summer money to buy some bus tickets and luggable luggage, fly down to dallas, see some friends and then hit the road. I would love a travel buddy (feel free to volunteer anyone interested) and head to central america. I am interesteed in finding some various organizations and looking at the types of training they do pre-missions, pre- immersion trip, pre-study abroad etc. I need to make whatever I do practical for my program, but I feel like God is calling me to be more proactive in my time right now. It is a great time and age to be travelling and exploring. Is Youthworks settling for the easy route? I don't know that thats the case, but I am conflicted and convicted right now. WE'll see what God does this week. I have so many things in my head about certain friends and people I have met recently and long time ago. Some great college friends, some amazing adult leaders. Each week I give a testimony related to "holding on" and it is always more about God holding on to me when I just want to escape. His love is so deep and so penetrating that it is hard to take. But whenever I know I need it, I am scared to let Him in. He finds me in the darkness.

The nearness of God when I suffer is what keeps me praying for challenges. To suffer is to be with God, to be along side him, to be held by him. To be broken is to be moldable, and ready for renewal.

Highlights of this week:

2008-07-01T16:36:00.002-05:00

- Friday at the Post office an idiot postal guy charged over seven hundred dollars to my account, thinking i wanted to pay for the money order on my debit, when really it was supposed to be in exchange for the stack of cash sitting directly under his nose. I was only meaning to pay for the postage on a completely seperate package with my debit. BUT God provided and I was able to deposit a money order (from the cash itself) into my debit account to make up for it. I still have to work it all out with the finance dept but its ok.

- We have a new member of our team. His name is squidcat McGee.. and he is a four week old kitten. :) He crawled through the door as we brought in groceries on Friday night. His mom was across a busy street so we put him outside in a place she could find him, but he was still there in the morning. I gave him a pretty hefty flea bath despite the warnings on the package because man.. like a hundred fleas. He is a cute, sweet kitty and will be chillin with us for the summer. An outdoor cat mostly, but naps with us from time to time. He came into our staff meeting last night on a whim :)

- Phil will NOT be coming to see me this weekend. Transportation conflicts made it impossible for him to make it into pawhuska and I can't pick him up in YW vehicles.

-We had a baptism in the principal's hottub last night

- Miss Betty is hysterical, her dog Petie looks like a loaf of bread.

A pretty great day

2008-06-19T00:37:00.002-05:00

So this week has actually been a neat experience. We have all sort of drifted into our "role" work.. meaning the tasks and curriculum specific to our role. Its amazing how God works because most of my role work has been done except for things that needed to wait til today for the others to add on to as they finished their own work. I got sick this weekend and to be honest it couldn't have been timed any better. While others were working on role things, I sat down, took a nap and tried to get healthy. The only work I could have been doing needed to wait a bit longer anyway so it was great.
Last night I was feeling pretty good so while the boys went to the Prairie preserve again to time drives and directions, the girls and I went downtown. We stopped for a snow cone.. not I won't lie, I was rather adventurous and blessing again it was tasty! I got a snocone flavored in yellow cake and chocolate syrup! WEIRD! But great all the same.

Mom I thought of you a lot as I wandered downtown. There are some amazing historical sights in this town that you should come visit. You and grandma would love it! I even drove through the cemetery out of curiosity to see what sort of names came up, who got what kind of graves etc. Fun! My staff thought I was nuts.

While we were walking downtown we found the one store open past five.. and this was a a special occasion. The Chamber of Commerce was having a snackity snack for local businesses in the "Spurs and Arrows" shop downtown. We went in to check out the goods and came upon a bunch of people we had met at church on sunday. They all got my cell promising to call if they knew people who had work projects, and to come to the community bbq on thursday nights! Great stuff!

This morning we all woke up and met Paddy who was escorting us to the local Kiwanis meeting where we all spoke about our work this summer, inviting them to join with us. Sadly we heard that a woman who lives in town, her son was at a bonfire this past weekend and threw a can of WD40 into a fire, it blew up and covered him with FOURTH DEGREE chemical burns. Pretty bad. They are taking up a collection, and the poor woman is trying to stay in Tulsa without any connections there. She works at the local mexican place, that we ate at tonight.. amazing food btw. The owner, amazingly enough, said if others continue to pick up her shifts, HE'll STILL PAY HER. They are taking up a town collection, and it is pretty awesome to see this community love on its members.

Tom Boone, one of our favorite people out hear.. his uncle died this weekend and they had the funeral today. It was a crazy affair, one we didn't attend but heard about, because apparently they wanted to smoke the body, like the typical indian ritual, and the Indian Baptist Church's new(white.. ehem) pastor yelled at them about it. BUt they figured it all out.. anyway.. they did the old indian ritual, and since the man was a retired police chief ALL the cops were at the processional .. aka if you want to rob someone.. today was the day to do it. They had a big ol feast afterwards and it was a pretty amazing ordeal apparently.

Have I mentioned I really love this community? I might not leave :) Or maybe all the sudden I realize that I actually do like this region.. and I might consider moving back here. This culture rings true in my heart. And yeah. I would forsake my northern fluffy grass for mesquite trees in Texas if it meant Y'alls, drawls, and feeling like I'm always at home... man. Who wouldve thought?

Back to OK

2008-06-16T18:22:00.001-05:00

Well we're back in Pawhuska for the summer.. and I have a cold. It is kicking my butt and honestly slowing our team down a bit. Its hard to crack a whip, cough, snort and lay down in agony all in one breath. hahah.. jk. We don't have a WHOLE lot to do.. well I do but there isn't much team stuff left. Just a few random things to figure out.

I am going to go take a nap for a bit/read my newest book for awhile. yay.

ArkanSASS

2008-06-07T17:40:00.002-05:00

I am in Booneville, AR this week working with two other teams to run a YW! week. We got here yesterday after a VERY long day of travel and frustrations. But we made it and today we have been working to set-up for our first week of programming. YAY! My team is leading the evening program, I helped with the Kids Club orientation and it was very nostalgiac. It is weird though, realizing how differently I play with American vs. Latin American kids. Just a different manner of discipline etc.

Ok. I need to go pull together a schedule and a shower in fifteen minutes.

Oklahoma Lowdown:

2008-06-04T07:41:00.002-05:00

Well we are halfway through our prep week!! My team is amazing and I love them all very dearly. Yeah we are getting a bit tired, but it has been a great experience connecting and struggling.

Our building is awesome. We have pretty much the run of an entire elementary building. It has an industrial kitchen, copy/faxroom to our disposal, we sleep in air conditioned classrooms, have a huge gym/cafeteria, all of the staff are awesome and the playground rocks!!!

Les Potter is the principal.. he's hysterical.. very sarcastic and a jokester but loves us and really wants to serve youthworks and let them serve his community in return. Theresa is our custodian, Gladys is in the kitchen. They are great!!! Very helpful, and understanding too!

Tom Boone is a local Osage native. He and his family are phenomenal and super pumped to work with us this summer as always. He usually comes on Sundays to talk a bit about the area at orientation and dinner stuff. His daughter sarah is 7 and super cute. Her birthday is the same as Cornells!!!

Boys and Girls Club folks are super excited for our Kids Club and Outrageous Sports Camp.. looks like much bigger groups than we expected. Which is great! We are throwing a barbecue two weeks from tomorrow for all the B&G Kids families plus community members.

Mark Buchanon.. the mayor.. is our main contact for work projects. Should be a good start since last year's WP left us a list of jobs already.. She should be contacting them this week or next.

Other people we met: Greg Hembre, Paul, Debbie, Elizabeth, Earl, the Library girls, the secretary, a teacher at the school and her daughter, and many more!!

I am off to go get to work with my crew. It is 8am CT. Who's excited?

Ready? Good.

2008-05-25T22:50:00.001-05:00

I leave in the morning. I am excited but a bit overwhelmed. This morning was a hard goodbye. I got a big fat hug from Caitlin and accidentally woke Katy up when I locked myself out of the dorm. We were never big huggers to begin with but its weird knowing i probably won't see these girls for a very long time. I hope thats not the case.. but it seems to be how it goes.

Cici. I miss you already girl.

Naked

2008-05-24T16:40:00.002-05:00

Phew. Tired..

So my room is packed up and my car is full. All thats left are skeleton hangers, lots of thumbtacks and bobby pins scattered around. My Weekend shtuff/computer and bedding will be the last things to be jammed into my car. Once again I pulled a mary poppins and have plenty of room to spare. Blindspots? Nope.. I love my car. So tonight is a night for relaxing. Katy and I are about to go watch Chronicles of Narnia, and then later I think there is a possibility of Karaoke :) Should be fun!! ehem.. we'll see. Otherwise I leave tomorrow for Michigan. Funny.. I'm not even looking up directions.. I know this route like the back of my hand. Hopefully the traffic won't be too horrendous.

K.. well I am off to movie time. See you on the flipside. My next post probably will be either tomorrow night or in Oklahoma as Training next week will be pretty crazy and doubt i'll have wireless. :(

Longest DAY EVER!

2008-05-24T01:16:00.002-05:00

Today was a triumphant but tiring day.

I got up around ten for a group meeting to talk about our presentation and to help set up for the potluck fundraiser starting at 1230. I manned the donation bucket where we made about five hundred bucks in about an hours time. NICE. Class went well.. our discussion about the Prison Industrial Complex went well, and that was the end of my life in classrooms as I knew it. HURRAY. well except for watching/participating in the following two presentations.

After that I went back to JW for a riveting convo with Laura. She is leaving early tomorrow and it will probably be the last time I see her.. ever. :( My quote for the day ended up being something to the effect of "You can't be a bitch just because youre brown!" which I am slightly embarrassed of but it was valid based on the context and referred to a certain few in our classes that have been driving me up the wall last week. Yeah I get it.. I'm white thus have some degree of privilege and power, you are brown which means you don't. Doesn't mean you get to treat me like dirt. Deal with it. It is a rough life I know :P

JW Ice Cream was short but fun. Good to see people. After we went to Dickinson where they.. get this... had slaughtered a goat and barbecued it. YES SLAUGHTERED. AKA IT WAS ALIVE WHEN IT SHOWED UP AT THE DORM. BAhahaha.. I love it. It was very tasty as well. Fun to hang and chat with folks. Around11:30 I went out with some of the girls dancing at Metropolis.. one last hurrah I guess. It had oddly ghettofied for brattleboro and was fun for awhile but quickly became packed with some odd folk we weren't down with. It was still fun to be dancing.

Now it is 2am. I smell like sweat and BBQ and I am going to bed. Tomorrow will entail packing, cleaning and some Gilmore Girls with Katy. Actually I might make her watch Grey's with me cuz I was distracted when I watched Thursday, and I don't htink she's seen it yet. haha..

Later kids. I AM FREEEEEEEE!

2008-05-22T22:10:00.002-05:00

I am one measly presentation away from finishing my first year in graduate school. For said presentation my only preparation was to print off pdf fact sheets about the Prison Industrial Complex to use in our small group discussions tomorrow during class. At approximately 5:30pm tomorrow evening. My year will be over, and a new phase will begin. I will no longer be Phyllis Chill- student in graduate level courses. But Phyllis Chill Master of Arts in Social Justice Candidate and Site Director at the Osage Reservation Site with Youthworks Inc. I am still a student, but no more classwork. Hurray. My mom just said "yeah right, you'll find another degree to get." haha. Yeah.. probably so. But not yet!!!! NOT YET!! I am excited to see where my summer brings me, where this degree brings me and the further stretching to come. This time next year I will hopefully in the graduation process. That means I'll have my Masters at 24. I am not going to lie. I am proud of my work this year, and excited to put it to use in the coming year.

Now that that is done..

I drive to Michigan on Sunday and fly to Minneapolis on Monday. What a whirlwind. I am super excited to finally meet my staff, start our training, and get to work for the summer.

Right now I am going to go pull together all the stuff I have been learning about the Osage so that my staff can learn as well. I don't want us all going into a situation we know nothing about. Should be fun.

God has been teaching me something lately. I am amazed at how he works sometimes. I have been doing my best to be obedient and read daily, to pray when I stress rather than whine, and to verbally process with him rather than dumping on those around me. I keep failing miserably but the one thing that keeps coming back to me is the phrase "Take up your mat and walk". Something that has always been a struggle for me is to just make a decision and change a behavior. They say if you do something for 28 days it becomes a habit and you are more likely to stick with it. You just have to force yourself to be intentional about it for 28 days. Lately when things come up that I want to be doing (or not doing), the phrase "Take up your mat and walk" rings through my head. I think just make the decision to ____ and start doing it. Yeah you won't be perfect but you don't just wake up one day and _____ you have to work at it. And to work at it you have to start doing it. So just take up your mat and _____. There are a lot of things that might be inserted into the ____: read daily, pray daily, be patient, love people, don't lie, be responsible, don't pinch people etc. There's a lot of things. And one by one each day I am trying to be intentional about my decisions. So if you see me waddling around struggling with something awkward and heavy. It's probably just my mat. It's ok though. I can tell Jesus has the other end of it.. its like those machines that help you do chin-ups..

2008-05-22T16:43:00.001-05:00

Davey.

2008-05-21T12:31:00.001-05:00

Congrats to David Archuleta for rocking the face off of finals last night. I am sad I'll miss the finale tonight. but I'm not going to lie I am VERY excited for So you think you can dance to start! WOOOOT!

the new 'do

2008-05-20T17:37:00.001-05:00

2008-05-19T23:10:00.002-05:00

Once again.. my friends are absolutely amazing.

Thank you to everyone who tells me to keep looking up and straight.. to work hard, and know I deserve good things and good people.

LOVE THIS SONG

2008-05-19T12:36:00.001-05:00

My Osage Presentation:

2008-05-19T08:39:00.003-05:00

SOOOO... I have to put together a presentation for my Education for Social Justice class and I am really struggling on how to do that. The point is to offer content, understanding of a certain topic to a classroom in a way that upholds social justice, equality, fairness etc. The point is to offer different sides of the story, or allow the story, if of a non-dominant culture, to be told by its members. Right ok. Well because I am working on the Osage reservation this summer I thought what better of a chance would I have to explore the Osage history, context, situation etc than via this project. Ok great.. so now I know a whole lot about the timelines, the place, some of the cultural context etc. but that doesn't mean I can pull together a socially just presentation of that content without some sort of outside help. So I have a few things mulling around in my head.

How can I present the culture of the Osage to the students who are coming for one week? Who do I talk to to walk through this "brief" and make sure that it is congruent with who they think they are? How can I present a people who have been around for a few hundred years, who have been exploited, pressed, and pushed around into a tiny space? How do I present on current issues facing the Osage such as jurisdiction within their reservation, Oil rights, Indian Casinos, and the cross-section of poverty and reservation life. I have no idea.

A few cool things that I have gotten from my research so far (Disclaimer.. this is what I have come to understand after like 2 days of research, not through experience with people, conversations, or prolonged exposure... so don't take my word for it.. I just click and read :P):

The culture of the Osage has a focus on balance and dichotomous interconnectedness: aka two groups who are opposite, have different skills, tools, needs- must interact together in a spirit of interchange in order to be a "whole" and surviving tribe.

The larger tribe is split into the Earth people and the Sky people. One group focuses on agriculture, gathering, peacemaking, spiritual wellbeing etc; the other focuses on hunting, defense/war making, material wellbeing of the tribe as a whole. On their own they cannot meet all of their needs, together they are successful. They cannot marry within their own, they must intermarry between the groups. Earth and Sky come together to create "children of the middle", which is congruent with their story of creation. (where earth and sky met, there was land; where people of the roots met people of the branches, there was land; it continues.. interesting stuff)

The other interesting piece of the puzzle is the orientation towards time. Shuffling through a billion forums/blogs/websites looking for different things I often came upon the understanding that the Osage have a time orientation that is represented by the infinity symbol. They are not past, present or future oriented because all are one. It made me incredibly intrigued because as a nation they are working towards a 25 year strategic plan, and trying to decide what they need to be doing to preserve their culture and language. I wonder how the process might go in a culture of such a time orientation. Does it hinder? Or do they have such great oral history and understanding of their past that it becomes easier to see the themes and threads they value.

I don't know.. this is just a few of the things coming out for me. Now how to present on it?

Waiting. waiting. watiiindkla;gjd;a dgk;laj

2008-05-18T20:40:00.002-05:00

I feel like every day is waiting. I am waiting for my room to pack itself, my paper to write itself, my research to find itself, and my groups to self disintegrate. I am also waiting for an amazing car rid to michigan followed by a plane ride to MN and a summer full of adventure and wonder. I have been 'researching' Pawhuska/Osage etc for a presentation and because I'll be living there and it is getting me more and more excited. I haven't lived out there in so long.. it will be fun.

I really REALLY want to go see Chronicles of Narnia. I might go finish the prince of caspian real quick before bed so i'll be ready for it.

Layli and I made the decision that my hair needs cutting.. and that we are both too swamped to make the date.. no worries there I just need to be proactive about making an appointment somewhere. Maybe that lady I went to before will be around > So much for my coming back for a trim. If only she had hunted me down ages ago I wouldn't be in this mess. Actually thats a bit of a lie.

My brain hurts. and I need a kiss.. hershey's that is. it makes me laugh when I pull out a hershey kiss that says "kiss someone" and slyly plant it on someone just to see what they do. HEHEHHE. I have done this a few times and it really makes me laugh when they get all nervous.. hehehe.. Mean? Yes.

Later folks! I miss you all. Daniel.. we need to chat this week cuz I'm not going to lie once summer starts I may fall off the face of the earth. and that would be sad cuz I have enjoyed catching up so much this semester.

Why am I awake.

2008-05-18T05:16:00.002-05:00

So it is 6:15am. I am wide awake. Yesterday was such a good day. I went to Panera and worked for about 5 hours, came back and hung out with people for a couple hours. It was the end of the year bash and I'm not going to lie it was dramatic as always. All sorts of conversations with weird people, typical emotional rollercoaster associated with a two-hour open bar followed by a bonfire.. but it was a good night. I liked laughing at/with Katy and Cici, talking with Aaron and working through our stuff, sitting with people and just chilling out. At one point I think Will and I were speaking spanish with each other and that was fun. It was a good night (and I was a good girl I promise). I got back to my dorm at like 11:30pm and completely crashed. I was soo tired. And so here I am, awake at freaking 6:30am trying to decide what to do. I am running my laptop on the 120 dollar power cord I am "loaning" from CircuitCity til mine shows up in the mail this week. I finally started making some headway on my Education for Social Justice presentation. I just really have no clue where to find the information I need on the Osage.. I was planning on doing my presentation on that, and I'm doubting it as we speak but i need to just pick something and go with it already. Oh well.

Well I am going to try and get some work done at this ungodly hour. OH GEEZ.

"This is our time"

2008-05-17T09:24:00.002-05:00

Man I swear.. I'll never get sick of that line. Goonies is possibly one of my all time faves.

We had a movie night on campus last night. It was somewhat of a fundraiser.. we didn't have too many people show up. We were planning on doing it outside but it rained. so I don't think there was much incentive to show up.. lost the luster.. :) Either way I love that movie and it was fun to pull it together and relax to watch the movie.

This has been a pretty good week despite the hectics. My laptop cord is still messed up, my new one on the way, which means I haven't gotten a lot of work done. I struggle with on campus computers.. I'm picky I guess. Besides most of my useful docs are on my lappy soI have to steal Cici's cord all the time and I feel bad. I plan to go to Keene, buy a cord at Circuit City and return it if they'll let me :) I'm a cheater I know. :( Resourceful sounds better.

I was supposed to go to Jersey with Kiera today until tomorrow night but post-movie last night I somewhat panicked at the realization of how much work I really need to get done. So I am heading out to Panera/ Circuit City here in a minute rather than driving with her to Jersey. I appreciate her willingness to let me not go even though I told her last minute and had committed to it before. I suck as a friend.. but this next week is going to be nuts. Two group projects, one huge presentation, a paper, packing, exit interview, and goodbyes all by Sat night. I'll beleaving sunday morning. Its really weird though... This is it. I mean I'm not coming back until capstone. And we all may or may not be at the same seminar so it could be the last time for seeing all of these people. That's insane. I'll miss Cici, Katy and my other JWs more than I ever thought.. and there are a handful of other SITers that I really got to know... Its surprising how quickly you connect with people.. and surprising I let myself. Typically I probably would have guarded myself a bit more knowing that we'll be leaving soon.. but I let it happen a bit, especially with the janeway girls. I've made some great friendships there.. and it makes me smile :)

My staff is placed~ WOOOOOOOOOOT!

2008-05-12T20:54:00.002-05:00

So I called my staff: Angela, Cornell, Zach and Brenna.. well I didn't get to talk to Brenna yet. but it was great to finally put a voice to the open spots for this summer. It was exciting to break it to them that we will be in Okey this summer. I caught most of them before they had even gotten the placement email from Youthworks. My next few days are crazy with meetings and things so I wanted to be on the ball and get a hold of as many as I could.

Um. ps. randomly American Gladiator is on.. and the guy only has one leg and a prosthetic CRAZINESS. This guy is nuts.. amazing.. crazy strong. Congrats.

My laptop power cord is officially broken. Which means my laptop is dead. well until i get a new cord. which means I am downstairs on the dorm laptop. I'll be hating life the next few days. WOE IS ME. Pretty much I might as well go to bed because I can't do any homework tonight. Sad.

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

2008-05-11T17:01:00.002-05:00

For some reason this song speaks to me. I don't know about who or what it refers. Nothing real specific hits me.. I just like it.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Great weekend!

2008-05-11T16:54:00.002-05:00

I had an incredibly relaxing and productive in its own way summer. I wrote a paper, socialized, went on two hikes, slept in, volunteered for a race on campus, and I will be on my way to group meetings here in a bit. My body is the good kind of sore, and I feel a lightly sun toasted. I missed summer, the outdoors and being active.

I am really excited to get my hair cut. seriously.

Hurt.

2008-05-08T14:35:00.002-05:00

I am not going to lie.. I had a rough morning. I woke up to a comment on my FB wall from a friend of mine blatantly criticizing the work I plan to do this summer connecting it to the "oppressor" talk we so lovingly caress at this school. It angers me. It makes me more passionate as well because I know why I love the work I'll be doing this summer.

I am excited to be working in a community week after week, and see the connections that have been happening all year. I am excited to be in a community YW was invited into.. to work, love and serve in a community that is struggling but bustling with beautiful people- my brothers and sisters.

I am excited about working with my staff, developing friendships, love, work ethic, challenging our faith and actions, biases, and assumptions. I am excited to lead lovingly with a servant-heart and not fear conflict- for it brings growth and fuller understanding.

I am excited to lead and walk with my adult leaders through the intercultural process and teach them how to process with their own students so that they can continue to develop hearts for social justice, and passion for those in need, those that we have impoverished without knowing.

I am excited to walk next to my youth as they struggle, ask questions, love without restriction and process the rehumanization of a population that they have rarely had contact with previously.

I am excited to work with a community culture that I have never known! I cannot wait to learn through loving and serving this community. I am nothing, they are everything. I come to serve and learn, because I have the privilege to build these relationships, foster love and respect for the "other" rather than continue to ignore that it exists. I want to build bridges not walls, love not fix.

Lastly I am excited to be working in the Family again, to be doing ministry, loving and encouraging my brothers and sisters to look beyond them selves to the people of the world, to the God who loves them, and to the Son who died for them. I am excited to be able to serve Jesus, by playing with bubbles with a five year, hugging the necks of struggling youth, painting the house of a family who is sick of lead poisoning, and just "being" in a community.

So.. to whoever has issues with my work.. Shut it and tell me what you would do differently.. lets talk about it. Don't be a wuss and leave me a post on my wall like a slacker who knows how to regurgitate Janaki like its your own thoughts. and P.S. she is excited for me.. so eat that :p

Back from the 'sota!

2008-05-05T12:11:00.002-05:00

So Minnesota was amazing. It was a whirlwind weekend of training but it was an overall great experience and I am super excited for this summer. It was interesting as a trainer brain to see more into why the trainer was making the choices she made. Like switching rooms after sessions to break up the day, sitting us with our Areas like small groups to provide safety and build community, we did ice breakers, food in a seperate area, and some other different things that I thought were a lot of fun to notice. We did everything from case studies to role plays, workshop type activities and crazy games. It was a lot of fun and I learned SO much about this summer. Our next all staff training (RAMP: Regional and Area Mission Preparation) is at the end of the month and I am stoked to meet my staff! WOOT!

Now I am back in academia and completely overwhelmed.

Projects:

TSA Paper
Listening Project
TOT project
Ken's Class: Fundraiser, big paper and personal paper
Ed for SJ: Main presentation to class and paper
Spanish Test?

2008-04-30T23:55:00.001-05:00

Ehem.. oops again..

I am so bad at this game. SO I thought that I had changed my settings so my "notes" don't upload to facebook. Thanks amber for commenting and proving to me that yup they do.

SO:

SORRY if any of the people who read it are offended. hehe.. You guys really have been supportive of me all year long and it was more of a general huff than towards any particular person. I think the silver lining outlook is expected.. I just don't want to see it yet.. :)

I leave tomorrow afternoon for MN!!! WOOT!

2008-04-30T16:40:00.002-05:00

I am frustrated with people who think it is their job to pretend they know the "bright side" of a shitty situation. Can't you let me be angry for a minute? upset? hurt? sad? just for a minute? I'll get to the bright side eventually but life does always have to be about the "good side" of shit. I think silver linings are a cop out for people who don't know how to feel the bad stuff too. I embrace the crappy side of life.

2008-04-30T15:14:00.002-05:00

So bummed about my sister's surgery stuff.. they didn't find anything so we are back to square one I guess. I have so much respect for that girl.. she is so strong.

I leave for Minneapolis tomorrow afternoon. I only just got my I9 signed/notarized and I am hoping the lady didn't mess it up. but whatever.

I have been brainstorming and thinking about some of the things I want to be doing this summer. Some team rituals, ideas, organizational etc. I started pulling together my planner for th esummer and I think it will work nicely. I'll test drive it this weekend/month and see how it goes.

I am such an impatient person- I am trying to work on it.

2008-04-29T23:33:00.003-05:00

TOT is gonna rock my face off.

I took a fabnap today.

Target was amazing too.

I got my Timbuk2 bag in the mail.

IM MOVING TO OKLAHOMA THIS SUMMER! I got my site placement.. I'll be living here:

I'll be living on the Osage tribe reservation in Oklahoma this summer leading trips with Youthworks. Pretty crazy that I'll be down south, but it will be a great experience!

www.osagetribe.com

Oh Beautiful Day.

2008-04-28T20:12:00.002-05:00

Today was fantastic. End of story. Rainy, quesadillas, and great conversation. Renewal.

POPUPS!

2008-04-27T17:33:00.002-05:00

So today I had my training and it was so much fun. I felt pretty good about it, we made a collaborative pop-up book and individuals too, although we needed way more time for that part but I couldn't ask for four hours ofcourse. It was a lot of fun and everyone was great. They were all surprised at how simple it was once they got going. Such creative minds!

Now I am uber exhausted, and ready for bed despite having no dinner. I'll munch some cereal and swig a DP but otherwise get me to bed!

2008-04-25T11:33:00.000-05:00

Sent in my contract.

Assignments: Mid-states region. Thats all I know :)

Big News.

2008-04-23T22:22:00.002-05:00

So today I had my interview with Youthworks and it was amazing. I think Rita, my interviewer, and I should be friends :) It lasted about two hours and consisted of everything from updates since my last summer, to scenarios, "strengths and weaknesses", how do you strengthen your faith questions, leadership styles and decision making, how to work in a team, why you want to work with youthworks, etc. I felt very confident in my answers and felt like I was accurately conveying my leadership style, experience and understanding of youthworks and their values. I was highly impressed with the transitions they are trying to make into a more social justice based realm of content and education rather than skin-deep ministry which is typically self serving and short term. The work they are beginning to work with will have lasting impact and hopefully inspire action plans in the future. For my SJ project I am going to write a proposal/position paper about where I think Youthworks should be moving and what my ideal of their organization would look like based on my understanding of Education for Social Justice. This will tie directly to my desire to begin an organization like Youthworks, but one that is more effective in lasting and longterm impact on both community and youth serving. The job is pretty exciting, great compensation, and the skills I will develop are going to be so helpful in rounding out my resume. I am hoping to move into an Area Director position in the fall and continue on with them for my practicum, but I am not sure if that will happen.

The weird part right now is much like my situation when I was in Uruguay (last time I was in this application proces swith them for my summer in Juarez). I have no idea where they might place me. I know that it won't be Mexico or Puerto Rico, it will probably be either a rural or smalltown site, or a native american reservation. I told her I wasn't sure about working on the native american reservations because I didn't know youthworks' history with those sites. She said from their standpoint all of the sites youthworks is on, abroad and domestic, they have been invited into by the community. They typically have contacts within those communities, or groups who have been on trips elsewhere have contacts, and they are invited to come work with them. She said they first and foremost have worked with the tribal councils to make sure that the work they are doing is something that would meet community needs, and then the did networking within that community to connect with other churchs and possible resources in the area before coming in. Although I am still working through what it means to be a somewhat evangelistic group coming into this type of a situation, I appreciate their process and understanding of that need in the first place. It calmed some of my fears.

the point. YAY!

So now I am trying to get work done early so that I can go on my training next weekend to MN, figure out what I'll need to buy in the next few weeks, and get organized for the summer! WOOT!

2008-04-21T15:33:00.000-05:00

My interview went well but I am not sure I'll take it if they offer it. The position is only 3 weeks long, and it may overlap with other possibilities. Apart from that the interview was good practice, and we'll see what happens. They were very flexible about timing and my own needs to fulfill the program so perhaps it will work out.

I am still waiting to hear from the job in El Paso, but I did find out that Samaritan's Purse got my application, they should be contacting me in the next few weeks. I also sent my stuff to Youthworks on a whim. I worked with them in Juarez and they had some openings so I thought I might as well. Within an hour they got back to me hoping to get me into the short term and long term processes. They have some site director positions open for the summer but I would have to commit to it by April 27. Their Area Director positions are more interesting to me, but they recommended the site director position as a possible lead-in to the the full-time work later. I understand but man thats quick! I'd have to fly out to Minneapolis for training May 2-4 and be there by May 27 for the whole summer. YIKES. So once again we'll see what happens. I am just letting everything settle down and see what comes up :)

My Desk.

2008-04-21T09:18:00.002-05:00

My interview is in 40 minutes. Exactly. I woke up early today after a weird restless night, grabbed a shower and here I am. Sitting at my desk still covered in work from last night, papers I prepped for the interview, ipod, camera, keys, pop bottles, sunglasses, planner, stapler, pens and assorted writing utensils, ibuprofen, my bible and random post-its everywhere. The latest addition is my landline. It has been neatly tucked away in the abyss of my room since noone even had the number. I think the only people who do now are Daniel and the CEP people. Well SIT people too but they don't use it. I did my bible reading today and it calmed me a bit but I don't even remember what I read.

Listening to Pandora again. I heart this station, I really do.

So I am annoyed at myself- Typically when making big life decisions I pick the one I like the most, go for it and let it work itself out. This time is different because I applied to so many different things that I like in different ways that I just have no clue what I would choose. SO that is going to make this interview awkward. "Oh and btw you guys are the lowest on my list of jobs I actually want.. well second to last next to that IE position in San Francisco, and but I def want to do the IE, Sams and compassion positions before this one. " Yeah.. hmm.. maybe not that way eh?

Hey guys.

2008-04-20T10:16:00.002-05:00

This weekend was pretty great. Thursday was a success and I feel like I can officially say things with Josh are no longer hell. haha.. no seriously he came to the potluck for ASL on Thursday and we were able to have some great casual catching up conversations, joke a bit and it was completely fine. I know it will still be a little weird for a bit, but at least it isn't anger or any of that. I think anyway :) Afterwards their was a fundraiser at Mole's Eye put together by one or two of the Janeway ladies so we went to support! It was hysterical. It ended up being karaoke night at the bar and it was majority SIT students. It was fun to just sit around and chat with people, although it reminded me why I like going to local shows, cafes etc. I missed being able to actually talk to people. Most of the time we go out and dance. Which is fine but you can't really have a good conversation with people while shakin your groove thang.

I missed class Friday morning- not a good choice since she talked about our project, but atleast I found out that I should be able to use my lesson plan for CEP for it (ed for SJ.. pretty much the same as CEP)

Friday afternoon it was 82 degrees! Yikes! Class with Ken was HORRIBLE. Hot, boring, frustrating. We did have a good conversation about Critical Resistance and prison abolition which I really like. That is the organization we are going to work with in New Orleans at the end of the year so our group is using them for our projects.

Saturday was a lazy start, but I DID manage to go eat both lunch and dinner in the IC. That has been a rough thing for me this year. I can't stand half the food. but in the spirit of saving dad some cash, I am trying really hard this week not to spend money. It has been rough. I finished my TSA group paper, my templates and models, my Training Abstract and overall rough Design. I almost finished my I Am From piece, although I am not super happy with the latest scene, but it'll do. I am trying to incorporate different types of media into them, so I used mags and photos a bit. I don't know that it fits with the rest of them but whatever.

I listened to Pandora all night, man I love that website. I had this great mix of funky music going.. Kimya Dawson (Juno Soundtrack), Adele, Sara Bareilles, Kate Nash, Nael Yaim, Natasha Bedingfield, The Owls, Kate Voegele, Britt Nicole, KT Tunstall, Grace Potter, Mirah, Anne McCue, Colbie Caillat, the list goes on. They threw in some Jack Johnson, DMB, the Fray, Lauren Hill, Jojo, Amy Winehouse,... Awesomeness.

Today I am writing my Ethics in ICC paper. BOOOOO I thought it was due tuesday.. its due tomorrow morning .. before my INTERVIEW.

VERY BOO. So instead of writing most of it today and then finishing it tomorrow so I can have time to prepare for my interview.. I'll be spending ALL day writing it. I suck at this. I am very disorganized this semester.