early..

Well I work in half an hour but i had to post.... my night turned out better towards the end.. I assume the tequila residue of the night before was working its depressive manner yesterday.. i ALWAYS forget I react like that.. maybe Ill remember next time... hahah.. also.. a side note

CONGRATS TO BROOKE AND CHAUNCEY ON THEIR ENGAGEMENT!!!

Downhill day..

Today quickly got worse worse worse.. many thanks to Russ for the informational and much appreciated conversation. It did however put a damper on my fourth of july..

Thus.. mac and cheese, an empty house, and some soul searching to do... I hate when i get myself into these kinda situations..you know the heart wrenching ones you cant do anything about...

and it started raining. thank you God for doing the crying for me.... I just cant work it up, and I hate crying over guys.. so... ill let the rain do it.

(ps.. Steve if you read this it isnt about you kid.. I had a great dayish with ya.. Ill see you soon!)

A Day with Blade

Well had a good day or so with Steve. He has reinforced his coolness and I am remembering why I liked the kid in the first place. He's such a nut. We hit up Tyler State Park for some geocaching.. lots of weeds, a cornfield run, and a few scenic detours. Then we REALLY took the scenic route to Outback for dinner. It was good food despite the 5 dollar beers... poor steve.. my margarita was fantastically strong. The day continued with a search for margarita mix and a tobacco shop. We did not prevail on all accounts but margaritas were conquered and downed with much enthusiasm. We had a great time, he left this morning to go hang with another pal that lives in Phillie for the fireworks and stuff tonight. All in all a great time, I hope I get to see him when Im in town for the wedding. Thats assuming tickets are bought and I hear from Tim saying I have a ride from the airport. If I dont hear from him soon I may end up conning steve into doing it. we'll see..

Well I am going to go crash for a few hours. then its the fourth.. woot. ehem. I have work tomorrow at 8.. boo.

this doesnt deserve a title.

Work pretty much sucked last night. Busy, worked with the slowest person. Rich was cool though, he's a pretty awesome guy. Too bad he was stressed beyond belief, gotta love being management.

Steve is coming in today. on his way. Should be fun, hopefully I can find SOMETHING entertaining to do.. Im such a stranger to the area that I just dont really know where anything fun is. oh well.

Im still trying to get work off for the wedding.. Im pretty sure Ill just call in if I dont find anyone. I just cant imagine missing it.

back from the shore

Well it was a lovely week out at the shore.. boardwalks, beachwalks, rollercoasters, funnel cake, fudge, waterpark, and piercings.. well piercing singular... heheheheh


I worked last night and it was crazy nuts.. some guy came in and asked for 5 rediculously detailed drinks, he read them out confusingly, I got the drinks right, rang it up wrong and ended up getting tips from the next 3 customers for my mistake.. hahahah.. weird I work again tonight.. with Chris. Should be entertaining.

Well.. I have nothing of consequence to say. I havent heard from tim in forever.. he's starting to frustrate me.. Ill continue to give him the benefit of the doubt.. but I hate when people say theyll call and then dont. Id rather they just say hey Im gonna be busy and may not get a chance to call... it hurts less.. I can take it. On the lighter side of things Steve is coming into town tomorrow. I am super pumped to see him. Its not often you meet such cool people, and get to see them more than once. We'll get to independence day party a wee with the fam.

yup.. this is me going.. really? I posted all that? hahaha.. oh well.. got to love a good cathartic blog... not that it was too drastic.. Ive had worse..

blitz

This is going to be one of those posts I regret.. you know.. openness that should probably be held back for the sake of saving face, salvaging pride or whatever. But right now I don't care about my pride, or my face.

I find myself in an unusual predicament. I am on the couch in a house empty of all inhabitants, except for the demon fish in the tank and the fat spider I trapped under a tupperware I am too chicken to move. I watched a little So You Think You Can Dance, did some Sudoku, and I was about to read some Harry Potter. My sister is at work, overtime for some fat cash, the kids are at Julies for the week, and Bill isn't back from his week in one of the Dakotas yet. I am not working again til after our week at the shore and I am realizing how quickly this summer is zooming by. Soon Ill be a graduate student struggling through case studies and research papers, trudging through snow in less than professional clothing, and yuckin it up with international students from all over the world. Before that I get to trudge Colorado with my favorite youths, do some hiking, and praise God for hours! I feel like so much is going on in my life, but at this very moment I am struggling to find activities to keep myself from my least favorite activity.... pining.

I hate pining, especially when there is so much mystery. I haven't heard from Tim all week, since Sunday night. Now let me add some context to those in the dark on this one.. hopefully Tim doesn't get weirded out if he reads this.. Number one I know not many read this blog anyway.. second.. oh well :P
Tim and I have been talking for about 2 1/2 months.. by talking I mean phone convos, emails, texts etc. It has been such a blessing getting to know him, and I have gotten used to hearing from him regularly. I don't feel like he "owes" me the calls, it is just nice to talk to him, and hear about his day. Point is I have gotten accustomed to his companionship no matter how trivial the conversations, and it is weird to feel a sadness because I haven't heard from him in 4 measly days.

The reason I say I hate pining is because it feels so selfish. Why hasnt he called ME? Maybe Ill call him, no I shouldn't be a stalker like that. I sent him a message he hasn't messaged ME back. I don't know, maybe it is just the fact that I assume he is off doing amazingly adventurous things like actually working, playing with my youths, walking Maddie, and spending time with the people I love like Russ, Lacey, etc. So what it comes down to is I am jealous, super jealous for his time. The other aspect is I have no right to be jealous for HIS time. So what changed in the past 2.5 months? When did my heart get wrapped in this guy I've never met but I feel like Ive known for years? Do I take a step back?.. Do I take it as a blessing?.. Am I obsessing?.. I don't know.

I have learned a few lessons though:

• God pines for my time.. He wishes I would turn away from the computer, tv and HP and spend time with him..
• God knows if Tim is worth pining over.. He'll show me in due time..
• Tim is worth the friendship..
• It is never wrong to care about someone, or to let them know they have touched your heart.
• I crave companionship, I miss being in a relationship that is based on God's will, I will be ready for a serious relationship very soon, but not quite yet.
• My nephew gives the best hugs, my niece the best smiles, my sister is quickly becoming my best friend, that makes me happier than I could ever say.

So.. to top off the longest weirdest post ever...
Tim, don't be freaked out... this is me working things out. I love talking to you, hearing about your day, or just saying Hi.. you will never "owe it to me" to call, but it brightens my day. I have invested some of my heart in you, and I like to know you are doing well. Prayers for the end of your rotation, the test, issues with friends, your ministry to our youths, and to a summer of surprises.

Amber, I love you with all my heart, and I am so proud to be your sister. Your friendship means the world, you have always been someone I can look to for strength and love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALBERT!

Well so far I am still on the job.. I work in a few hours. Should be fun. I am watching a Baby Story on TLC. Pretty much I am the typical girl right now. Pjs, Dr Pepper, Marie Claire, TV shows that make me excited to have a family some day, and lazy. It is a quiet house without the kids, they are off at Julies this week so I am free of the niece and nephew. I might actually miss the distraction.

I went to a walmart last night to pick up some amenities. It was the weirdest walmart ever. From the outside it was HUGE, but when I got inside it was claustrophobic. Everything was set up strange and they didnt even have a grocery section, just a few aisles with a few things. It was like 20 minutes away too. Not worth. Ill just CVS/ACME it up from now on.

This sunday at church I brought the kids while amber slept from work the night before. They got to hang out with Childrens church and from what I heard they really liked it. Jess helped with the little kids and they both got to make a book for their dad for fathers day. Beth, the lady in charge, fell in love with them.. ofcourse they are both such charmers. :)

So I should really be fired from my job at barnes and noble. But thats ok that I havent been yet. I have one shift this week (because I got my days switched and didnt show for my shift saturday.. oops) then off to the shore for a week. Hopefully SUPER AWESOME RADNESS STEVE will come into Phillie around the fourth, then off to Lyds wedding on the 13-15th.. Colorado the 20th-30th, then Ill need to start figuring stuff out for grad school.. CRAZINESS..

I am officially nervous.

An update on life...

Things are going so well in Philadelphia. I started my job.. and Ill soon be fired. Hahah.. no but I do have to ask off ANOTHER week of work for the Colorado trip with First Pres. Ill be missing the Harry potter release and the whole week after it.. woops. I shouldnt have even applied. oh well.. Hopefully I wont have to quit to avoid getting fired for "abandoning" my job.. as you can tell Im quite worried.. hahah

I got a new cell phone.. thats what I did the movie of Al on.. the pics turn out pretty well too.. who needs a digital camera.. i mean seriously..

We watched our family movie today.. how funny.. its possible that someday I wont be embarrassed of my naked infancy being recorded for all to see.. there was less blushing than normal.. but seriously.. my dad is an embarrassing man.. especially with the naked butt shot.. i mean sheesh..

Steve may be in town for 4th of July.. that will be fun to see him.. he was a cool guy..

Ill finally meet tim two weeks later.. things are going well there, I love talking to him.. what a dork.. It will be fun to take the Colorado trip with youth group and get the chance to get to know him better..


Thats about all I got..

This is my nephew.. He is nuts.. but he has the best giggle..
I love you Albert!

Church hunting

God is so good. This morning Amber, Jess and I checked out a church a few minutes from the house..

www.thewellpa.com

it was an awesome experience. Small, laid back, coffee, art on the walls, great band, and some of the nicest welcoming people. Not to mention you can tell they have their hearts in the right place. I am excited to go back next week. Jess LOVED it. She was surprised at the band, and how informal it was. This is my kind of home church. Makes me not want to move!

I am loving living here. I am in Phillie with my sis, her kids, and bill.. actually.. I am laying on the couch watching the Idol finale.. there is a bunny on the porch outside, the kids are at school, and my sisters upstairs in bed after working last night.. so relaxing.

well.. i should go make myself presentable to the world.. Im in for an old navy run..

Love you guys!

Mom.. call me.. I tried like 4 times but it didnt go through on either your home or cell!

We are in Roanoke, VA in a Days Inn.. Airconditioning, shower, and no sitting in a car

My legs are killing me from our hike in the Smokies today. It was a blast.. a great hike.. a funny waterfall.. and a lot of huffing and puffing from yours truly. Tomorrow we have two hikes planned and about 6 hours of driving.. then PHILLIE! Yay!!!!!

I am super excited to see my sister tomorrow.. and the kids.. I miss them.

Leaving....

My bags are packed.. Im ready to go.. My car is actually "low riding" a little.. quite sad, and I seriously have zero room to accumulate any extra stuff.. its weird to think the majority of my belongings fit in a space roughly the size of a refrigerator box... well a big refrigerator box..

Apologies to those of you going out to sonic on monday night expecting our "last goodbyes". Im pretty horrible at that, and honestly Im an idiot and I just forgot.. but I think inside I just didn't want to say goodbye. You guys have been amazing these four years, I wouldn't have made it through without you, and I can't imagine not seeing you ever again. So despite my joking, Ill see you around. Ill try not to fall off the face of the planet, and Ill try to let you know when Im coming to visit.. Keep in touch.. I love you all.

I cannot WAIT to get to Phillie. Man.. this summer is going to be an adventure. I can see that I am meant to be there, and that God has some awesome things in store for my sister and I. The kids are excited to see me and that is encouraging. Ive always wondered if they even remember me, so Im proud to be the Aunt Pico and spend some time with the munchkins.

God I love you, and I am so thankful

When the rain comes..

I am having a hard night. I spent the last few days with my mom and I got back from missourri yesterday. Mommy, I missed you. I miss you. I will miss you. You have been a light in my life and the only person who has NEVER let me down. Thank you for being the amazing woman you are. I am proud to be your daughter. I love you. Ill see you soon

Today has been stressful so far, but I'm done with finals, the dogs are clean, the house is clean, and my dad will be here soon. I'm nervous for this weekend, but Im proud of my four years in Abilene..

I hope I dont let myself stress out too much.

My last exam is tomorrow morning at 8. crazy.

Ill teach your grandmother to suck eggs!

Sitting watching Heroes. What a great show.. man. GG was good last night too. I have my last final tomorrow.. I don't know how well it will go.. I have to start studying pretty soon. Its for Novel so I have about 5 novelas that i have to review... Its gonna be a lot of work but hopefully it will be ok. My presentations went well yesterday.. I got an A on my Term Paper.. thats pretty exciting..

I got to talk to Tim for awhile last night.. it has been fun getting to know him, and sharing stories. I will say its weird that I haven't actually met him in person.. I feel like we've been friends for a long time. I'm trying to find a way to stay longer in Michigan when I go up for Lyd's wedding. I have so many people to see and spend time with, a few days isn't going to be enough. Besides it would be nice to get a chance to hang out with Tim in person. I even thought about going up in June but I don't know if that can happen logistically or monetarily. Who knows.. I can't wait to see friends and fam in Michigan though. I miss everyone, I miss Grand Haven.

Things I miss from GH:
walking the pier and jumping off it too
bonfires on the beach
playing tag on the imagination station
walking duncan's woods
best fireworks ever
butchs, rays, pizza and sub shop, dairy treat, Jumpin Java,
grass that I can walk in barefoot
ultimate at lakeshore
youth group
jamming with friends, singing with shyle

Im done. Theres more but Im such a dork.

Irrationality ensues. Disregard all thought processes for the coming days.. I will let you know when the clouds have blown over.

Love, Eve.

Announced.

Gotta love my blatant idiocy. I officially sent out my graduation announcements today. And yes the ceremony is saturday. Apologies to my family and friends, it has been a rough semester. Plus I forgot the whole inside and outside envelope action and messed up a bunch of them.. I blame Full House for distracting me.. I mean it WAS the episode at Disney World.. can you blame me.

So I am procrastinating hard today. I just have zero desire to BS anymore. I mean seriously..

I heard from Lydia today, that made me smile, I hope all the planning is going well, I'm sure it will be incredible and that I will be unbecomingly jealous.

I'm watching a lil' GG.. its a nice trip down memory lane.

I graduate in 5 days. Woot.

On a more serious note.. I have been thinking a little bit about my future. I realized that once I'm done with this first year of classes at grad school I could end up anywhere, in the US or out. It's sort of scary, but I guess it's still exciting. Dios Sabe.

Oh Weekend..

It was a good weekend. Im not going to divulge anything else. I just want to say that it is officially finals week. I graduate in 6 days, I have great friends, amazing family, and I keep meeting the coolest people.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AMBER!
Happy 29th(again)!

" I want an elephants trunk to go over my head in a warm embrace.... what? It looked nice!"
-Brooke

Long Day, but a good one

Cleaned out my car today.. we attempted to see what would fit.. it'll be close but I think its going to work out pretty well.. We also went caching today.. Man I needed to get outside. It was a good day of caching too.. I got eaten alive by mosquitos at one that was near a creek.. we took the LONG way around but found it eventually. The last one we went to was in the erinshire gardens or whatever they are called.. besides that we found nice little patch of BAMBOO trees in the middle of abilene. We grabbed some dead ones for some cool walking stick action.. it was fun. Really beautiful walks.. some interesting hides..

Well Im off to relax some.. tomorrow I get to play some Ultimate and continue the packing/cleaning/studying loveliness..

YAY FOR SCHOOL ALMOST BEING OUT!

First thing's first...

Thanks Steve (blade:P) for getting me hooked on Tyrone Wells and Brian Rowe. Holy crap its really good relaxin music for studying.. Im jammin out to "sea breeze" by TW and lovin it.

Thanks to my cute a** sister who hit on my future manager at work so I can get a job at BN. Heheh.. Im only slightly kidding. I am hoping he gives me a call tomorrow. It was really cool to talk to jess on the phone tonight. I haven't been able to get to know her very well these past years, I am excited to spend some time with her this summer. Wow it's coming soon...

So I decided this summer is my summer for fun reading.. Im gonna make a list of all the great literature I wish I had read.. I was about to start the list.. but I can't decide. Im gonna see what I can find at BN.. you know once i have a discount :)

I got in a conversation today about how I think anyone who cites wikipedia as a direct source should automatically fail the assignment (with fair warning in the syllabus) I mean seriously kids, lets do some real research. It is one thing to use it as a springboard to better resources but as a primary source? really? boo.. the person I talked with was like "Many universities throughout the US take it as a source, even some Ivy Leagues" ... I dont know if I believe that. Plus lets just use common sense here.. Although I will say that I read a journal article the other day that cited it as a source for the basic background knowledge of a topic. I guess I could handle that. You know like the basic history stuff we all know.. but even then.. its a little iffy.

My presentation went well today. I used all 20 of my minutes.. much to the dismay of my fellow classmates. I guess I get excited about good literature. This book was really great.. I think Ill sit down and read it again this summer.. Maybe read one of his others. Keep my spanish fresh. I realized today that friday is my very last spanish class ever. How am I going to keep my spanish fresh? no idea.. Ill have to find some people to talk to until my next trip. I guess I could make amends with Nasser, but he creeped me out.

Love you all. Peace today. Je doit etudier pour mon examen que j'ai demain. Au Revoir!

The lessons of the unavoidable.

Not that anyone cares, but Im sitting in the Foreign Language department making use of their computer lab. They keep walking by looking at me funny. Maybe because Ive had classes all day since 8am and Im still haunting the halls. What can I say, I had some emailing to do.

Today was my last day of TR classes. I have a presentation tomorrow, two exams on thursday, one class to sleep through friday, two fake presentations the following tuesday, one real exam and a french "party" on friday morning. Then graduation saturday with my dad and Bob Roberts in tow. Thats pretty much it for undergrad. Bewildering. I know Ive probably posted about it 800 times but a girls gotta process somehow.

I read this book called La Quinta Montana by Paulo Coelho. He's written a lot of other books ( the alquimist, the witch of portobello, Eleven Minutes, etc) and he's pretty great. His books are all about the spiritual journey of life, the fight for fulfilling your own destiny, and dealing with tragedy's play in that fulfillment. Some of his quotes are pretty awesome.. so here's some sharing time:

-It’s always necessary to know when the stage of one’s life has ended. If you stubbornly cling to it after the end has passed, you lose the joy and meaning of the rest. And you risk being shaken to your senses by God.

-Learn something. At this moment, many people have stopped living. They do not become angry, nor cry out; they merely wait for time to pass. They did not accept the challenge of life, so life no longer challenges them. You are running the same risk; react, face life, but do not stop living.

-Only those men and women with the sacred flame in their hearts had the courage to confront Him. And they alone knew the path back to His love, for they understood that tragedy was not punishment but challenge.

-All life’s battles teach us something, even those we lose…. you’ll discover that you have defended lies, deceived yourself, or suffered for foolishness. If you’re a good warrior, you will not blame yourself for this, but neither will you allow your mistakes to repeat themselves.

- There are moments when God demands our obedience. But there are moments in which He wishes to test our will and challenges us to understand His love.

- There is no tragedy, only the unavoidable. Everything has its reason for being: you only need to distinguish what is temporary from what is lasting. What is temporary?… The unavoidable… and what is lasting?… The lessons of the unavoidable.

- A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.

- Sadness does not last forever when we walk in the direction of that which we always desired.


SO these are pretty cool in english, and cooler in spanish, but I wanted everyone to enjoy them, so I copped out for you and found the quotes online.. there are a few in spanish too but they are at home and Im not at home. So maybe later

I just love this guys insights. Seriously. What do you think?

Library Blues..

I am in the library. Our internet at the house is out again.. thus to quell my insatiable need to check my email, I actually went to the library. Actually a big part of it was I still have some research I need to do for my presentation on wednesday and I have to do it online.. so.. it was a good excuse..

Forgive my previously incredibly mushy post. Its true Im female every once in awhile.

Tomorrow begins the very last week of undergrad classes. UNREAL.. I dont believe it. I really dont. Im kind of in denial about it. I move in three weeks-ish. thats INSANE. I cant believe I wont be coming back to Texas next year. Im not sure if Ill miss it, but Im more unsure of making a big change. Being in Texas has been a long hard stretch. Once I graduate Ill have no home base. AND THAT IS SCARY. I guess Phillie will be my home base for awhile. but only a little while, then I have to figure out who I want to be, and where I want to be. I realized after spending the week with the first pres kids that my heart is still stuck in GH a little. I miss youth group, my family, and a good spring.

I caught a new vision the other day. I was talking to megan about it some. It may end up being my kick off ministry that can lead me into the cafe/youth ministry/missions thing. I need to talk it up to a few people first.. and that requires Russ to get back from the DR with Tim and Lacey.

I hope its going well for them.. they were so excited.

My dad and Bob Roberts ( his friend that Ive known forever) are coming in for graduation. They are more stoked about it than I am. The graduating part is cool, but Im more excited about the next phase. I guess Im not one of those live in the moment people, I tend to look ahead, and then get excited about where "now" is leading me to. I dont know if thats a strength or a weakness..

I heart Pride and Prejudice

You have bewitched me body and soul..... I love.. I love... I love you...

Man.. you hear that noise? Thats the sound of my knees going weak.. Oh wait.. give it a few minutes... and the best kiss ever.. yes correct the last 15 minutes of the new pride and prejudice get me every time. I do love the old long one for the drama and the build up.. but there is something about the last 10-15 of the new one.. with the music in the background.. the sunset.. then the kiss on the roof. Man. Man.

K im done.. I just wanted to sigh a little.

Thanks to Lacey for stealing Tims phone and calling me at 8am. It was a very good wakeup call. Well I was technically awake.. sort of..

Goodnight all...

I just spent the last couple hours packing up stuff. despite having a weeks worth of time post graduation.. I felt the need to get my room/stuff in some sort of organization. Im really not sure if Im gonna be able to get all my stuff in my car without bottoming out. I may need to go through and pair down some more.. boo.

FINALLY all my grad school paperwork is done and settled.. feels good to know its all ready to go. Now all thats left is a week of classes, finals, graduation, a week finishing the packingness and then off to PHILLIE! I am soooo excited. I am pumped to get to hang out with my amazing sister and her kids. We've been talking a lot more lately and I forget sometimes how well we get along. We're gonna start church shopping when I get there too.. should be awesome

Prayers:
Summer Job stuff
Finals
Roommate travel..
Tim, Russ, Lacey off to the DR for the week
Time and money management..

I have finished the race! I have won the battle! I have written my Term Paper!

I cant proclaim its efficient use of language, it was rather prolific and unorganized, but it is complete to the extent necessary for me to GRADUATE.

Thats all I needed. I didn't even put it off til the VERY last minute. Im two days early.

Tim I hope your presentation went well today, and that you rock your exams tomorrow. Don't worry, you ooze God's favor, you'll do fine. If anything, show them a pic of Maddie and they will melt like chocolate cake on a barbecue.

I love you all.. thanks to family and friends who have helped me get through this crazy CRAZY semester, and those of you who continue to encourage me everyday.

I love my mommy. Hi momma.. Your baby goats callin for ya! I miss you!

Dr. Pepper, M&Ms and my lappy..

Im in a relationship with my lappy. We've been really close these past few days. Sharing stories, working through our issues and creating great works of scholastic achievement. Together. We have been able to minister together to friends back home, listen to music and look at pictures together. I sang to my lappy today.. a lil jmraz for my lovely lappy. Sweet lappy, oh sweet lappy. How I love thee, how I forgive thee for deleting thyself completely...

A few more pages and I am free from the prison that is my term paper. A few weeks and I am a graduate. A few weeks after that and ill be in PA, a few weeks after that Ill be in MI getting coffee with a cool dude and watching the most beautiful wedding since shyle and nate got hitched.

Things I love:
Talking people into working with me in the future
Encouraging and counseling my youthies.. i miss youth group.
Dr. Pepper, Jones Fufu Berry, and iced mochas.
People volunteering to edit my paper
Getting good music from friends
Heroes, Bueno, and good conversation
My roomies.. ill miss you gals
Great Dane puppies that could eat me at three weeks.. k newfies too.
Meeting fellow men and women of God who are seeking Him wholeheartedly
Singing my heart out at Unite every tuesday with no qualms about it.. what freedom!
Knowing that next year will be a challenge!
My mommy, my sis, my bro, and my cool dad.
Jess' and Albies.
Waking up to a big bag of Honey Combs.
Looking at Job boards for inspiration.
Ultimate.. man I miss disc.
Learning the guitar..


Cheers.

hey hey hey!

k.. so I have been studying/emailing/listening to gospel choral music since like 9:30 this morning.

THUS.. I am quitting for the evening.. I need some good hearty food.

I heard the song Prayer for the Children for the first time in a long time today. I downloaded it. It was a piece the ensemble did senior year. Its a tear jerker.. I sent it to Tim. What a good heart that guy has. Woah.. that sentence was a little too yoda. Man my english has gone to CRAP.

Happy Prom night to the GH kids.. man.. what a time warp...

Yah thats our backyard yesterday. We had all the plumbing redone, but holy cow they like RIPPED IT UP.. the dogs were happy to have plenty of fresh dirt to muddy themselves with.
Off to some Termin action before the Shades Show tonight with Tabitha! Step what?

I just got an answer to a prayer. by way of that quote i just found online. cool.

Si supiera que el mundo se acaba mañana, yo, hoy todavía, plantaría un árbol.

Martin Luther King,

I am officially sick of filling out paperwork for Grad school. I am hoping I just sent in the last of the paperwork. I forgot how much there is. ACU didn't feel this crazy. I guess because Im actually taking out loans for grad school that all that is added on top of it all. Besides that Im pretty lost in what classes Ill be taking.. there are some required and some electives.. but Im assuming the classes can't be too demanding because I need like 32 hours in two semester. that might mean possible death.

HOWEVER look at these amazing courses:

Intercultural Communication
Organizational Behavior: Multicultural Team Devt
Org. Beh:Leadership and Organization
Practitioner Inquiry
Social Change

Conflict Transformation
Cultural Activism
Education for Social Justice
Ethics in Intercultural Training
Fundraising Principles and Practice
Cross Cultural Counseling
International Policy and Citizen Advocacy
Issues in Social Justice in Intercultural Studies
Multicultural Organization Devt
Program Planning and Product Design
Social Identity: Inclusion and Exclusion
Leadership, Community and Coalition Building
Strategic Planning and Implementation
Training Design for Experiential Learning
Training for Social Action

HOLY COW! Im really gonna have to pray about what classes to take.. some of these are so practical and some are just really interesting!

Today was a good day. I was productive. encouraged. and truly blessed by the day.

Thank you God for all of the amazing people you have been putting in my life. Thank you for the chance to chat with Tim. Bless him in his work and guide his steps. Bless our friendship and the conversations we continue to have. Thank you for friends and family who know my heart, and respect the passions and beliefs I have. Thank you for the chance to live out my dreams, your dreams, and raise up world changers.

GOD HELP ME TO WRITE THIS PAPER. No seriously.. it's all yours. Here's the lappy.. go at it. Feel free to abolish NAFTA and do something better in the process. I don't have those kinda powers, but I bet if you wrote my paper you could change the world with every phrase. Man that would be cool. Could I be allowed a smidgen of pride if my lappy was the vessel for the ACTUAL changing of the world.

I would like to draw an application of my nonsense and say.. maybe one day the world will be changed.. from my lappy... but in its current state.. doubtful.

Im gonna go write now. right now. :)

I AM productive
I AM on task
I AM a good writer
I AM not tired
I AM awake
I AM healthy
I AM sick of NAFTA
I AM not a fan of chillie cheese steaks
I AM a Harry Potter fan
I AM a hugger not a fighter
I AM still rather feisty
I AM not currently on task... blast

Loaded

I just realized how loaded that last post was. Sometimes I don't realize the extent to which I divulge of myself on here. Ive never truly been very guarded, but sometimes a girl needs some secrets. Oh well, its already out there I guess. For the world to see. Maybe Im making more of it than it is. I never know anymore..

My guitar is staring me in the face. I really want to play it but I have an hour before my next two classes and a onepager to write... sad.

I wonder if Ill actually take the time to play this summer.. I feel like Im too embarrassed to play in anyone's presence so I may not since the house will be sort of filled all the time.. I just need one song.. just one to get me started.. hahah.. good luck.

ps. Tetanus shots still suck crack.. my arm kills! its like a constant deadarm..

pss. I had some GREAT dreams last night.. it involved lydias wedding and getting to see people I havent seen in a while, and people from yg and stuff. I missed everyone. It was a huggy dream. I like dream hugs, they feel real. which is happy.

Now I get it..

So I finally joined the masses in the switch to the highly acclaimed gmail:
phyllischill@gmail.com

however now I finally realize how crappy hotmail is.. i cant get it to forward my mail to gmail, plus gmail wont add the account to "retrieve" mail from my hmail account.. thus.. Im still technically hotmailing it.. BOO..

My outline and Intro/Basis pages are written for my Term paper.. so i am 2 for 12! WOOT!

I spent a little time checkin out Brattleboro online today. It is a teeny town, but there seems to be a lot to do in the area. So hopefully Ill meet some cool adventurous people. This little checking out was inspired by my oh so painful Physical today.. blood drawn, TB test and the HATED TETANUS shot.. it was necessary though.. it was about to "expire" or whatever and knowing my clumsiness.... dear goodness it was a good idea.

FYI Dr. Essell is amazing.. I highly recommend him to you abilinian folk. Cool cool guy.

Today I am missing Shyle. I read a message of hers or saw a picture or something today.. i dont even remember the trigger. I just miss her. She is such a great gal, and I love her dearly. She has the biggest heart EVER and I am jealous. I tend to be on the more cynical side of life, and I tend to be a big jerk so often. Shyle has the tenderest heart and the coolest hubby. I LOVE YOU TOO NATE! Point being, I am blessed to know her, and she really inspires me to find someone. I know I am still at a place where I am ok with the whole single thing. Im not completely content with myself, and it gets pretty lonely, but Ill live.

I guess the real reason for the post is this: despite being ok with it, being single is a temporary thing. I dont want to be a "single for life". I am not wired that way. I crave companionship, friendship, love and just a partner in crime. I feel like I am officially ready to start seeking a strong relationship. I need to find someone I can laugh with, and someone who gets my passions. Ive always said finding someone who isn't fired up for your basic passion is just dead weight. They'll never truly get who you are. Maybe thats not true, I dont know.

I just would love to find someone who I can call and exclaim over my 2/12 accomplishment, sit and drink dr. pepper, listen to music, say nothing, say everything, crack jokes, beat up a little, get into deep discussions and tirades over the injustice of the world, and love like crazy. But I also know that my go-getter attitude tends to ruin it. I am trying to learn how to sit back and let the guy do the chasing. yah Im sure the "speak your mind" is refreshing sometimes.. but guys... you like working for it a little dont you? and I tell you what us girls really do LOVE being chased...

Seriously.. for me I have ALWAYS wanted a guy to do a big grand gesture. I have always wanted a surprise party, always hoped someone would surprise me with something sweet.. It just rarely happens.. I dont think Ive ever been truly surprised in a big way. I tell you what though... one grand gesture and Im a goner.. i tell you what.. its the truth. Maybe I shouldnt have given that away! hahahhaa..

I better go before I say anything Ill regret..

Chill y Chilito

ehem. an addendum

Five minutes after I posted that relent, I wrote out my entire outline in like five minutes. Figures. I still wasted a lot of my time.. blasted facebook/AIM.. I just need to disconnect and get it done. sheesh

Tomorrow morning is my doc appointment. Physical for gradschool WOOT.. I get the TB shot, possibly Tetanus and hopefully a go ahead to get a test for lupus.. GOODIE


My day got a little brighter with an unexpected email today.

Church was really good today. It was good to see everyone.

Brooke and I had some amazing convos today. I miss that. It was really intense for awhile and it was good to sort some things out in our brains. Also just realizations that we are becoming real people. Strange.

Thanks to Daniel for the ear and encouragement last night. I am excited for all he has going on.

Prayers:
Summer Job issues, travel to Lyd's wedding (WOOT)
Aris, Bethany, Abs, Lacey, Derek, Zak,
Continued energy and desire to actually get work done.
Steve: direction, plans, safety, great experiences...
World Servants: continued renewal, that the bus thing works out

I am tired. I am stressed. And I am utterly confused by my term paper. Everytime I get somewhere on it, I find out something more or different was expected. I am emotional today. This patience thing is hard..it has only been one week of patience.. one week. I hope it gets easier. I want to go home. I want this semester to end now. This big house feels lonely, despite the roommates being in the other room. I want Lydias wedding to be tomorrow.. so I will have graduated, finished all my work, moved, driven 24 hours, flown to GH, seen amazing people, and hopefully a few specifically cool people. I want to hug shyle to death, and find kate and play with er. I want a Russ hug, a Lacey hug, a Tracey hug, a Bryant hug, I need an Abs and Bethany secret or two and a huge bonfire with lots of singing. What I want the most is for God to take over my heart and continue to show me that his desires are bigger than my own. That his plan is safer and better. That he has someone out there for me who is pining just as hard without me knowing it. I want to be in Mexico. I want to sit with Chilito on my lap and giggle. I want to be mobbed by kids, and laughed at by a pastor. But I cant be in Mexico right now. I have Thesis to nail down, and a room full of crap to pack up. I cant be in Grand Haven right now. I have to suffice with tonights dinner with friends and tostadas. I cant go to heaven right now.. God has too much for me to do here.

"I want to be free in this world.
I hope that everybody understands
I want to be free and fly away
And smell all the flowers in the world
I want go go go away.."
Belinda.

Sometimes I check my blog to see if anyone has left comments. I like discussion. But I think I am officially giving up on getting comments.. All my friends are mute slash lacking fingers to type.

So a few weeks ago I thought hey, Ill be on the ball and send in an appy to Barnes and Nobles.. Im a shoe in right? So I did.. humbly of course. I even sent a resume since the appy didnt have room for all my jobs back through my first work at B&N. I called today. They never got it. She's looking for it. I would just print it out again.... but my lappy got wiped.. so I have to redo all my resumes. So... I may have to send in another appy. Maybe Ill send candy too.. gotta butter em up somehow.

I played some GEEtar today. Not much. Im really struggling with it. but some day I will prevail.

Last night's devo verses were really good for where Im at right now:
Phillipians 4: 4... (Mess.:Remix)
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers. Letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle on you. Its wonderful what happens when Christ displaces the worry at the center of your life.
.... Do that... and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies..


Man.. could that be any more perfect?

A Minor Test of Faith.. Just to Drive Home the Point

My Lappy's hard drive got wiped today. Noone's fault, and despite a lot of effort on the part of Team55. But it happened. I lost all pics/docs/music. Learned my lesson.. don't attach personal value to things that aren't more than numbers and data.. its not worth it. I do miss some of the pics.. seeing as I hadnt put them up on facebook. The music I can deal with.. the majority was trash. And luckily I hadnt started actually writing my term paper.. never thought procrastination would be a blessing. I made it through the chaos and phone tag with Team55 without a single expletive or tear. Thats a step. I never used to freak out about stupid stuff, but this past year my stressometer would spike without warning.. resulting in sickness. I guess that incessant "patience, patience, patience" is coming in handy for more situations than I thought...

I did my first networking today. I hooked up WorldServants with a new school bus through Global Sam, plus they may end up making use of WS's stuff they have in warehouses. So thats exciting!!

I started packing again today. Bagging up things Im not going to need for good will, putting away clothes I dont need in the next month. I really dont have nearly as much stuff as I thought. but what I do have is crap. Useless stuff.. like my ESL box from my project last year, bag of markers that are dried out, 2 laptop cases I dont use, more bedding than Ill ever need.. I dont know.. I guess its stuff i just keep moving with me in case Ill EVER need it.. but if there's one thing I learned from my mom, nobody NEEDS all that stuff. Travel light, live light. The more stuff you accumulate the more you have to move. I guess thats just a weird thing because we tended to move a lot, and that hasnt changed for me... There's no complaint there by the way.. I like living light..

As i was thinking about this today.. God started to speak some things into my heart. Don't carry around things that are out of your control (ie lappy crapping out, worries about people, heartache etc), Let God carry those burdens, no matter how light (trivial, minor, simple, worldly). Now I need to figure out why this is being put on my heart right now.. I have some ideas. It goes along with the incessant "patience, patience, patience" Ive been hearing about another subject.. So Ill let you know how it goes.

Fruit of the Spirit in the Message: Remix:

• Affection for others
• Exuberance about life
• Serenity
• Willingness to stick with things
• Sense of compassion
• Conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people
• Involved in loyal commitments
• Not needing to force our way in life
• Able to marshal and direct our energies wisely

I really like this list.. compared to the overmemorized, peace patience kindness etc.

This list feels more like a list of things that will be manifested in a faithful life.. Ive never thought of it in the way that the fruit of the spirit isn't worked on (though we can make decisions that end up in this fruit directly)... I guess it is just neat to find a new way to articulate it.

Day of Zero Triumph

I read my spanish novel in World religions this morning, then got uber confused in the subsequent french class
I busted my butt reading a really long chapter, and trying to memorize all the Mexican presidents from the Revolution to NAFTA... no quiz today.
I couldve slept through Seminar.. It was on Africa, and yet.. rediculously boring.
I came home, my computer crashed. I was not happy, thanks to phil and Team 55 it may be usable some day.
I have a butt ton of homework.

Today was a very good day.. Im not lying. Despite being exhausted and attempting to not whig out over my poor lappy... I have food in my stomach, a roof over my head, and some amazing kids that I get to talk to when i get my lappy back.

Prayers:

My dad didnt get his job back in Michigan. He is freaking out.. or atleast he is at a crossroads in life. I really want him to do what HE wants to do, not just worry about paying for me..

That my lappy will feel better tomorrow after its surgery, and that m research will still be intact on the hard drive...

That I would not be distracted from God and His Will, no matter how good the distraction is...

The more there are suffering, then, the more natural their sufferings appear. Who wants to prevent the fishes in the sea from getting wet?

And the suffering themselves share this callousness towards themselves and are lacking in kindness towards themselves. It is terrible that human beings so easily put up with existing conditions, not only with the sufferings of strangers but also with their own.

All those who have thought about the bad state of things refuse to appeal to the compassion of one group of people for another. But the compassion of the oppressed for the oppressed is indispensable.

It is the world's one hope.

Bertolt Brecht, "The World's One Hope"

Quotes from my research that I like:

Fleas dream of buying themselves a dog, and nobodies dream of escaping poverty: that one magical day good luck will suddenly rain down on them--will rain down in buckets. But good luck doesn't rain down yesterday, today, tomorrow or ever. Good luck doesn't even fall in a fine drizzle, nomatter how hard the nobodies summon it, even in their left hand is tickling, or if they begin the new day with their right foot, or start the new year with a change of brooms.

The nobodies: nobody's children, owners of nothing. The nobodies: the no ones, the nobodied, running like rabbits, dying through life, screwed every which way.

Who are not, but could be.
Who don't speak languages, but dialects.
Who don't have religions, but superstitions.
Who don't create art, but handicrafts.
Who don't have culture, but folklore.
Who are not human beings, but human resources.
Who do not have faces but arms.
Who do not have names, but numbers.
Who do not appear in the history of the world, but in the police blotter of the local paper.
The nobodies, who are not worth the bullet that kills them.
Eduardo Galeano, "the nobodies"

I love Galeano.. he writes what we feel, or desire to feel about life and living.. man.

My apologies to chance for calling it necessity.
My apologies to necessity if I'm mistaken, after all.
Please, don't be angry, happiness, that I take you as my due.
May my ded be patient with the way my memories fade.
My apologies to time for all the world I overlook each second.
Wislawa Szymborska, "under one small star"

I love that last line.

As hard as concerned Americans have had to strain to understan the Zapatista revolt and its confusing and sorrowful aftermath, we will have to work harder to understand Mexican issues in the future. Our problem is not merely the media, or our notorious inability to learn another language. It is our entire evasive and mendacious culture, which (to the enourmous profit of the megacompanies that feet it) makes our selfish decadence entertaining to us, sells us headsets that deafen us to crying injustices in our own country, and changes every real, complicated, painful struggle into a brief sensation of stars, or meteors, gloriously noble or wicked, always somehow erotically intriguing today, dead boring tomorrow. If in this culture we have to hide or fight to comprehend reality right here, we have to leave all that is familiar and comfortable to comprehend reality in Mexico.
John Womack Jr. Rebellion in Chiapas

If I define my neighbor as the one I must go out to look for, on the highways and byways, in the factories and slums, on the farms and in the mines-- then my world changes. This is what is happening with the "option for the poor" for in the gospel it is the poor person who is the neighbor par excellence...
But the poor person does not exist as an inescapable fact of destiny. His or her existences is not politically neutral, and it is not ethically innocent. The poor are a by-product of the system in which we live and for which we are responsible. They are marginalized by our social and cultural world. They are the oppressed, exploited proletariat, robbed of the fruit of their labor and despoiled of their humanity. Hence the poverty of the poor is not a call to generous relief action, but a demand that we go and build a different social order.
Gustavo Gutierrez, The Power of the Poor in History

All the men were used to their fetters, they all regarded them as an accomplished fact with which it was useless to argue. It is unlikely that anyone ever gave the matter an instant's thought, since during all those years it never even once occurred to the doctors to petition the authorities for the removal of the fetters from a convict who was seriously ill, especially in cases of tuberculosis... It may be objected by someone that a convict is a villain and so unworthy of blessings, but can it be right to aggravate the punishment of those whom the wrath of God has smitten in this way?
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The House of the Dead ( a great book! I love good ol Fyodor!)

Sitting, Waiting.

I spent the morning reading. A little Casa de los Espiritus, a little Quinta Montaña, a splash of psalms, and a healthy chunk of Pathologies of Power. My mind is boggled with stories, english and spanish. I have class in thirty minutes and Im at a loss for words. When they ask me how my trip was, Im not sure what I will say. The typical description: incredible, awesome, challenging, I learned a lot, I hate being home. But there was so much more to it. I feel like this past week has been a huge rush of emotions. The trip had so many layers to it. God was in it all. And I feel like I had already known how huge the trip was going to be before I left. What should I be telling people? The trip was life altering, paradigm shifting, worldview shattering, and it felt like home. Its interesting that I have done a lot of travelling, and this is the week that really broke it all down for me. It stripped off that last layer of apathy. I know where my heart is, and how God will be in it. My dreams are still huge, and they are growing and expanding everyday.

Another thought: I have been a nomad since birth. We have always moved a lot and I never really felt like any one place was my home. I spent the most time in Grand Haven, but we didn't stay in one house for too long. That is not a complaint, I like moving. I realized this week that my heart is in the people. God showed me that I can feel safe and at home anywhere as long as I am looking to him first. Dios me cuidara. Right now, sitting in my living room, I don't feel at home. I want to go back to Mexico, sit in the church with kids all around and talk to the mom's about how I am going to kidnap their children because they are so cute. I long to talk to pastor desi about his vision for the church, and to the others there who can see God moving in their lives. Im ready for the next move, the next phase. Im ready to put my experience to use for God's kingdom. God is ready for me to give it to him once and for all.

Some favorites:
cakey neck raspberries from 4 yr olds
Uno with cheaters
talking about music with kids
encouraging kids that God will provide
seeing the kids faces light up when they see bubbles
feeling content in sticky heat
walking dirt roads through neighborhoods without feeling nervous at all
bedsheets for doors
tamales etc.
the most content 6 mo olds Ive ever met.
family, family family

MY FAVORITE CRAZIES!

Our awesome group. Man I miss them all so much.

Coolest bus driver ever. Ill never forget riding through the border at 5am hearing BAM and then.. EETS a Leetle Theen Heere! hahaha..

Me and Mickey..slash, Brownie.. slash Tyler

Me and Russ. It was Crazyface Time.

We were singing some song for the kids.. Atleast this day the kids actually sang too. Thanks Eric for playing guitar! And my twin voice in Bethany was a blast.

Yo Tengo Gozo Gozo Gozo Gozo En Mi Corazon

Down the way from our site in Reynosa.

SO I finally figured out how to upload pics. This is us all at the restaurant in Progreso. We were showing off the Goat's Head we were about to eat. Tongue is my favorite. Ehem. I hope you enjoy.

Gracias a Dios que vivo, respiro, y que puedo tener tantas aventuras como las que he vivido.

Estaba sentado en mi casa, mirando afuera a la niebla que caía en Abilene, una cosa rara. Quería irme para dondequiera, para las montañas de suramerica, para las pampas de Argentina, una bodega mendozana, un techo de Mexico, la selva de Brazil. Quería hablar español a alquien que me pudiera entender. Pero no. En este momento tengo otras cosas para hacer. Estudiar, limpiar la casa, lavar la ropa, comer algo. Como que no puedo vivir en el momento. Como que no. Dime. Pues, no me entienden, pero espero que un día dios me inspirira de vivir en el momento. La vida no es una cosa de odiar, ni evitar. La vida es vivir, equivocar, aprender y agarrar.. Como que no.

En este día, voy a dar cuenta que tengo la oportunidad de vivir valientosamente. Que seré alguien que se puede cambiar el mundo. Una cambiadora mundial.. :)

Tal vez hoy es el día en que la cultura me cambiará, y puedo vivir la frase ... Si Se Puede!

Happy as a Bluebird, Sad as a wilted leaf

I got back from Mexico yesterday. Got home around 5 to some TBueno and a Dr Pepper. Before I went to bed I got on Facebook and was bombarded by messages from the group. I miss everyone already. I was ready to be alone for awhile, but I miss the kids. They blessed me a lot last week. I was so excited to see the fam again. They are so knit into who I am, that its hard to see them so rarely.

God really wanted me to be there. I learned a lot about myself, and who I want to be. This is what I figured out:

I am not typical. I am too trusting and too skeptical at the same time. I fall hard and quick. My heart is in Latin America, in the faces of the children, in the clipped spanish, and slurred speech of the tired mothers. My heart longs to live in a cement block home, with fourteen dirty hands tickling my sides. I have a heart for justice, but I don't speak out for it as much as I should. Who I am is enough. I don't have to feel wrong for not knowing all the ways of God. I believe Muslims are the coolest people, they have so much fire for God.

I realized this week through talking to a new friend, who I fear I may not get to see anytime soon, that I am not living out my passions. My time is wasted in my culture, and I am afraid to change that. I also realized that God is making connections for me. I met people this week who I know I will see again, and who I hope to work with soon.

This week of work with the youth group also taught me that Im not sure I will be able to work with gringos as much as I had once thought. I loved the week, but it was like two seperate experiences. The ministry to the kids, and then experiencing the culture. Seperately they were great, but that seperation was intense and almost pathetic. Maybe some day I can close the gap and find a way to bring the kids into the experience deeper and harder. You can never get too much culture.

I hope that this week was as much of a blessing to the kids as it was to me. I know many of them will throw me a cheers when I say I wasn't the best of leaders. I was rather distracted for some of the trip, but I think they agreed it was worth the time. I know that was cryptic. Deal.

For the next few weeks I am going to be preparing myself for the next phase of life. After a few tests and papers I am officially a real person. I count grad school as adulthood. This summer with my sister will be a big stretch for me.. but I gotta say I have a huge itch to travel now. It had been too long. I felt like I was home this week, and now Im gone again. So I dont know.. I may call up patty and see if she wants some help for a week in Reynosa. Just cuz I need to keep the itch alive. Who knows. I also decided that next summer before my Practicum, I am taking a trip. i dont know to where, or for what reason, but I want an adventure. I want to find some people to travel with and just go. I thought about seeing if Bethany and Abs want to join. It would be fun to keep in touch with them, and mentor them a little more. I see their hearts growing for missions, and I hope it continues. Besides, they are both nuts.

My last note is this: my new friend this week really got into my heart more than I expected. I dont know if he will ever read this, but part of me hopes he does. To Steve: you raised the bar this week. You opened my eyes to a few things I really need in my life, and the type of person I need to be with. I know we are both people who go with the flow sin planes, but I hope one day we can touch base. Your heart is in the same place as mine as far as the desire to help people, fight for justice, and be involved in a community to the extent of lack of self. I hope you can see how much you blessed me and the kids this week by being who you are. I hate that the week was so short.. I couldve spent hours sitting in silent pauses and short quips. But God knows we both have big futures ahead of us fighting for his children. I hope to travel with you again someday.. maybe you'll join us in a year for my travel adventure. Im thinking Peru.. I want to meet my Compassion sponsered kid, and see Machu Pichu, as well as just chill out with some locals for a good long while..

I hope you guys are doing well, and that this didnt kill anyone. I love you dearly.. I am grateful for those of you who have seen me grow, and can be a part of that experience. Pray for me as my life takes a turn towards service and freedom in love.

Blessings..

Prayers:
Summer of ministry, family, getting a job that is worthwhile, loving on my sis and her kids.
My dad wants to start teaching..
Steve.. that God would guide his steps for the next season of his big future
Abs and Bethany, That they would continue with their hearts for service and ministry.
My roommates, i will be moving out soon, I want someone amazing to take my place in the house
That my heart would heal from investing and then losing.. why am I so trusting?

Ch Ch Ch Changes!

Hhaha.. k weelllll Honduras was incredible.. i got pictures if your interested.. We spent the week painting, scraping, painting and painting some more.. Plus some VBS. I LOVED being able to translate and speak to the people.. I am officially glad I learned spanish. On sunday I leave for Mexico with Russ and the First Pres Youth Group in Grand Haven. We go to Reynosa.. I get there sunday early evening..

I am sort of nervous about it. I mean it has been a long time since I have been involved with this youth group. Do I invest in the kids? Do I try to draw a line since I will more than likely just disappear out of their lives the following weekend? I figure loving them with the Love of the Lord is called for.. thus.. Im gonna do it. SO that means hardcore investment. Im ok with that!

I am officially moving to Philadelphia for the summer, then on up to Brattleboro for Grad School. I am SOOOOOOO pumped to get OUTTA HERE! I love abilene but i need a change. A big change. You all know Im a nomad at heart. I like new experiences and meeting new people. Its a challenge! This summer is gonna be amazing living with Berz and the kids. I am sort of nervous, but I think that is normal. I havent spent more than a week with her in almost ten years. But she is my sister and I feel like we have gotten a lot closer this past year. PRAY that I get a job at Barnes and Noble, and that it is a smooth summer of family time, and fun! Jesus brought the wine right Dana? hahaha... sorry that was random.

UNITE has been incredible this semester. Seeing God work and move in our generation in a way that is tangible. Awesome. The worship is so refreshing too. Jeremy West I applaud you and your heart for the Lord. I cant wait to see you in concert one day like DCrowder.

Speaking of which, I was praying the other day and I got an awesome Word. Man its good..an I AM statement for all you ladies out there.. ask me if you get the chance.. its too good to Bloggify.

I met someone yesterday. Yes. Its True. I might even admit to you where. Let me just say I didnt really "meet" him per se. Meaning its an IM friend. But he's a cool guy, and needs prayer for his job possibilities. Looking for a full time position, youth ministry etc. So pray! Preferably in the New England area.. "wink".

K I need to go get some research done for my term paper.. skpping a week of school isnt always the best idea for your senior semester!
6 weeks to graduation!!!!!

San Pedro Sula

We are off to Honduras in 2 days. Holy Crap. Thats about all I have to say.

Amigos..

So this weekend was an interesting one. Friday night and saturday morning were dedicated to studying. I wrote a term paper.. got some research done. It was a good time. We had our house filled with fam and friends. It was fun.. and a little strange. Couples galore. Its weird when you arent angry your roommates are couply, but you are frustrated because you dont want to WANT that. I dont. Im finally ok and completely at peace with being single. Im ready to move on the next phase of my life. I just get frustrated when I have to be surrounded by it. Thus I chose to spend a lot of my weekend time studying in my room or at the library. I wish you all good things, but seeing the ooey gooey just makes me want to leave.. so I did and will continue to do so.

I also find myself in a weird emotional predicament. I am catching myself detaching from friends. Its because I am moving in three months. When I really look at it, I dont intend to return to texas for anything other than really important weddings, or funerals. Its sad I know.. but Im not going to lie to myself. This mindset makes one look at the importance of priorities and the use of the little energy left. Im at the point where I am realizing that I dont need to invest without return into friends. It is kind of sad, but Ive been here before. Giving and giving, without return is like being friends with a black hole, and not worth it. I have left and been left a lot in my life, and you start to figure out what and who is worth the time. I love my roommates and friends, but there are few that I feel have ever invested in me as much as I try to invest in them. Maybe.. MAYBE a handful. Thats not surprising for me. I dont tend to have more than a few good friends at a time. The point of this is I see myself detaching from the people who havent been investing in me. I dont have a lot to give, but what I do have isnt worth just handing out to anyone. My struggle is that I do want to love all my friends like God does, but it has been difficult to be refreshed and renewed by black holes.

I hope I am not hurting anyones feelings, but its gotta be out there. I love you all, and I will do anything for you. However, I feel like Ive been trying to force people to listen to my issues. Screw it. God listens better and has better advice. Ill take my handful for now.

Let the Trumpets Sound!

It turns out that I am going to Grad School in the fall.. School for International Training. I forgot the lovely feeling of people going.. What school? Where? Never heard of it.. this is much akin to the reactions to me going down to Texas for Undergrad. But look how well that turned out!!!

So now I am hoping to live with my sister in Philadelphia for the summer working and nannying for her. Then up to Vermont for scary hard Grad school in September.

The most important aspect of this all: I am leaving Abilene in about 4 months.

1. Glad to leave Abilene, despite its quirks, I am very glad.
2. Brattleboro, Vermont is GORGEOUS and very small. Itll be like my very own lil stars hollow.
3. Sad to leave roommates and friends, but glad to meet new people again.
4. SO pumped to be able to spend time with my sister. I just hope it doesn't lead to conflicts or frustrations. We live completely different lives. Im ok with that, but there's gonna be some pressure and issues for me personally with feeling inadequate, or the opposite in feeling superior. I just can't wait to see what God has for me, hopefull at the very least ill get to work at a Barnes and Noble again.
5. Im trying to convince Phil Jacobs to move up there too. Hahah. how fun would that be? and it would be nice to have an ally in the Christian department, as well as just an amigo.
6. This is the beginning of the end educationally speaking. WOOT.
7. I can start being the outdoorsie girl again. Mountains, climbing, skiing, hiking, TREEEES!
8. FOUR SEASONS. yes that is SUMMER FALL WINTER SPRING.. oh lovely.
9. Change. Period.



WOOT!
www.sit.edu

GRR

Finish the race.... Last semester.. NOT STARTING OFF WELL.. I feel like i just started a marathon and tripped and gave myself a bloody nose.. its gonna hurt for awhile...


BASTARD CLASS.. sorry.. just needed to say that..

Fountaingate Fellowship feels like home to me...

I love being around a crowded room of people who are literally dancing for the Joy of the Lord, who are physically, emotionally, intellectually and SPIRITually passionate about God.. wow.. wow.. I cant wait for next sunday..

Ultimate..Pain

Got back from ACU Club Ultimate's very first Tournament today. It was an amazing weekend.. a lot of hard work, pain and laughs. We did great for our first tournament and the amount of practice we had had.. We were pleasantly surprised. I am happy to sport pain and bruising.. everyone needs a good scar story right? Well now begins the homestretch for the semester.. It has been a rough one (note I cannot breathe at the moment because our teeny dog flatulated and I swear she is rotting from the inside out.) but Im hoping to pull through.

I need to go crash before I pass out.. I am so sore and Im loving it. Despite the fact that I waddle like a pregnant lady due to the soreness. Girls we ruled out there!

Lots of love out there for everyone.. Pray for my sister, she's back in the hospital for steroid treatment this week and it makes me nervous...

We went geocaching for day two in a row.. yesterday was 9 for 9, today 7 for 7 and WE GOT BRAVO!!! Woot! anyways its very exciting.. now I have to go actually get some studying done.. I forgot about a take home test.. oops

A long week that isnt yet over..

Monday: Painful teeth-> Pain Meds-> Projectile Vomiting

Tuesday: Dizzy, nauseous, but excused from class

Wednesday: Feeling better, studying ALL DAY, Guy chased by police hiding on our front porch til 330 in the morning

Thursday: Class at 8 then all day, Grey's, still tired

Friday: Allergy issues, test retake, lots of homecoming purple, great day at internship, interrupted naptime, fun night at "the Parentals" aka Phil and Jenna's with the SPPh group.

Tomorrow: homecoming galore: parade, ultimate, game, musical, games..

Sunday: death, homework, ultimate/hang with jenna

Another one for the books..

Had a great week/weekend. Felt like junk thursday and graciously skipped classes. Friday internship was a halfday and most of it was spent talking to ed about our NGO and how it is so blessed. He told me a lot of cool thinks about what they are hoping to do in the next few years and it makes me want to stick around to see it happen! I dont know though..

Friday night we had some of megans friends come in town and I had some from town come over. Two words Megans Margaritas. It was a fun night. No damage done. Thanks to ali and haley for the living room dance party. Hats off to Phil for taking my phone away. Word to stan for taking it like a man.. Sorry if I was too mean. Applause to guys who are respectful and sweet.. damn the rest who think they deserve way more than they actually do.

Saturday I had to work at like 9 for an hour. No biggie except that I had only had about 4 hours of sleep.. Brandon and I went geocaching at Will Hair park and were 2 for 3. It was our first successful trip. We're still rookies. But we finally figured out our GPS unit.

Felt like junk for most of saturday.. Sat Night was an amazing steak dinner.. Much love to Meg, Adam and Mckoy for food. Sorry I didnt help but I promise I would have ruined it. Just chilled the rest of the night. Slept in sunday.. Sad.. I wanted to go to church but I wasnt feelin it. Maybe next week.
There is a lot to do this week. I have a test or two.. a rather large amount of homework and lots to do for internship. Fun time is over..

Dad went to china for about 2 weeks Friday. He never called before he left ... Crap.

Another good one...

I am putting off going to class... We're watching Greys Anatomy season two..

This weekend was our first event at Third Rock.. Swing Night.. I was attacked by a really good Swing dancer.. it was a blast.. and I got a tip out of it.. that has to be illegal.. either way it bought me a coke and it was a fun dance!!

Honduras Trip is on its way..

Lectureship is next week which means lots of work at internship in preparation..

and on a smaller note.. we got a new puppy.. YEAAAAH!

A Pretty Darn Good Labor Day Weekend

PS.. I just posted this on Sigma Pi Phi Chronicles website.. oops.. ah well



This weekend was pretty great. Relaxed friday, nothing noteworthy happened.. Saturday I trained cassie on how to open. I didnt do a good job, it was really slow and we just watched movies for awhile.. Oh well.. Ill come in on her shifts and make sure all is well. I fell asleep later that day and woke up to a phone call from Jeremy reminding me to come to austins for a pool party. I was half asleep but woke up around like 730. I decided I needed to be social so I threw on some clothes and headed out to Austins. I wasnt planning on staying long.. I figured it would be like the last time when only a few people showed up. Well there were more people than I expected good food and beverage. It was good to hang out. The highlight of the night was this guy I met. His name was Grant, we ended up talking and hanging out all night. Sadly he's from Tulsa so I dont expect to ever see him again, but its cool. Learned a lot about myself.. im serious.. it sounds corny but Im glad I went. My patience with dating has been revived. So thanks to Grant from Tulsa.. Hope you come hang out again.. if not.. Godspeed and thanks for taking a chance..Sunday was spent sleeping.. Monday was cleaning,homework day because we are having people over tonight.. Now Im off to Starbucks and Fazolis! YUUM!

Cheesesteak

Ultimate tonight was a blast. Really great defense/offense, teams matched up, good sportsmanship. Snagged some good ones, tossed some good ones. The good ones generally outran the bad so it wasnt horrible. I did tend to crap my throws whenever Cody guarded or was near.. he makes me nervous. Injured or not he's good.. amongst other things.
I gained a new nickname..hence the title. It started as philly cheesesteak and morphed.. Im not a big fan but i thought it was funny, cuz one its not very flattering, and two cheesesteaks are gross

Went to church.. we had 11 babies in nursery C, 10 in D and a ton more in the others.. normally its like 4 or 5 babies and one or two workers.. it was nuts.. but a good time. Despite the good times my church shopping begins in august. Shopping isnt the right word.. quest.. venture, looksie.. whatever.

Jenni, Sam and I are officially the only people who are keeping Third Rock running right now.. we realized today that we need to figure out whos doing what since squat was delegated as Rob left for vacation/moving to houston. Oh well I only have a couple more weeks til im free from closing.

My class for summer 2 was cancelled, funny how tempted I was to drop it and decided against it. so Im just teaching and working now. Good news is Ill be able to head to GH in August with brooke.. we were looking up tickets for the weekend of Coast Guard.. I miss home. GH feels like home even if I dont have a house ther, or family. Its my childhood and adolescence in all its pitfalls shortcomings and glorious comebacks.

Not as much crack as I thought..

So the bank stuff worked out.. and God has my back on that. I went to the atm to deposit some checks and cash, and didnt have my atm card.. cuz megan was in the process of being lovely and buying me some Jasons Deli.. yummmmmm.... so I went through the teller thing or whatever and sent the envelope.. I had forgotten to put the cash in the envelope.. umm. thanks for catching my idiocies God.. youre a pal.. I wouldve had to wait like a week before they caught it, told me and then I could go fix it.. that wouldve been bad cuz my rent check should be cashed like TODAY.. and I would be legitimately overdrawn.. sad..But praise be to God I didnt have my atm card and had to talk to real people.. maybe I should just start doing that more often...

On that note.. I really have found myself finding excuses to avoid human contact.. for instance:

ATM, Drive thrus, email vs phone calls, and the like. Part of me blames American culture.. the other part of me knows the truth is my sinful self d0esnt want to have to put up with people. When I say put up with I mean be given the beautiful opportunity of showing stressed out people that God loves them through smiles, courtesy, humor, and joy of life. A fat tip is a big deal in places like restaurants. Even at THird rock I covet the extra change. It means I get to eat lunch every once in awhile. So my point is I think I am going to start parking, walking into restaurants and blinding everyone with the light of Jesus.. bwa ha ha!!! nah but seriously, customers that make it a point to brighten your day do more for the spirit than a check ever could.. So be good patrons! Dont avoid human contact! and Blind the Hell out of people! Literally!

Out on the town.. sort of

Last night I went out with Emerald and Corrie to Guitars and Cadilacs.. it was pretty fun but not what I expected the night to be. I dont really two step, though I learned how to half step.. not that I could do it again. So mostly we just sat and watched for awhile. Until we were approached by a bunch of Marine Corps guys .. they were a group of friends and saw us sitting alone (insert pathetic smile here) and invited us to join them. Well they were all pretty much getting trashed and smoking up a storm, but we hung out with them and it was fun. They were funny and sweet. The girls with them were awesome.. I knew a couple from ACU. After Guitars was closing Corrie and I decided to meet up with them at a friends house.. we hung out until about 3 or so.. It was fun. But I am afraid I left the impression that I was looking for people to party with. Im not. I am not a party girl, never have been. It was fun to hang out last night, but they arent my kind of people. They knew about a couple salsa bars Id like to check out, but you see I just like to dance. That sounds so dumb but its true. When I go out on the floor I dance by myself.. Im not one of those girls looking for someone to "grind on" .. Thats not fun.. its actually kinda gross, and most of the time the guy cant dance worth crap. I will dance with a guy if he actually knows how to dance. Examples: Isaac, Rodrigo, Jeremy, there are a few more but not many. I guess it goes back to my youth group days.. frightening eh? We would always have dance parties at church.. yes.. its true.. and its not like your going to grind on a guy in the fellowship hall of your church, so we just had fun and danced as a group. I miss that. The point of all this was that last night was a successful going out experience. I reminded myself the only reason I like to go out is to dance.. Im not a party girl, I dont hang out well with people that are. One of the guys has my phone number.. that makes me nervous but Ill let him down gently.

Well.. the house is in shape again. AC, hot water, electricity, crazy roommates. We can clean clothes, do dishes.. its great!

I have strep.. again. I dont know why this happens so much but it does. Anyways.. i got antibiotics yesterday and Im feeling better already. I taught class today but I wont be workign til friday because I am still too contageous to work with food. I was sad to miss my day to meet with Cat at Healing hands.. or excuse me their new name is Global Samaritan Resources.. but hopefully next week or later this week. He's got some good projects lined up for me next week.

I had a tennis written and skills test today. I sucked it up. I dont know how I am going to do in that class. Its hard! I shouldve taken it pass/fail.. but I forgot. Oh well.

Mom needs prayer. She's having issues with her medicaid stuff. she may not get money for her meds.. which IS REALLY REALLY BAD..s o please be praying for her..

I am reading a book called A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado. It is really good. Last nights chapter was on Love being shown through kindness. Yesterday's was Patience. I really need to be hearing these things right now. Patience has been very hard for me in the love department. Especially with friends, roommates etc. In the romance department too. Im so impatient. Im trhying to work on it though..

Our house is still a sauna.. hotter than hades. Oh well... I can live with it.. it just doesnt give me much incentive to clean.. which is what needs to happen soon..

I decided I am giong to accept Robs latest job offering. He is going to pay me to do the scheduling, hiring and training at third rock. It shouldnt be too demanding and he is making it worth my while. Its weird having him work so hard to keep me around. It feels good but makes me nervous. I feel like a commodity.. and i dontknow if its good or bad.

I think ive decided to stop working at highlan and start looking for a church in the area that fits me better. I started going to highlan and working there when stephen and I were dating. I was trying to become more comfortable with the denomination and get to know it a little. That and a lot of the acu students go there.

Now that I have met soem of the hardin simmons students, im starting to itch to get back to going to church regularly, and one that inspires me and really ignites my faith. I like COC for its tradition, but my faith doesnt click with it enough to become a member. It makes me frustrated because it actually becomes a filter for people i date or dont date. If they are serious about staying COC i really have to think hard about whether or not its worth it. I know that sounds dumb, but I just dont relate to that perspective towards faith. Not that its wrong, its just not the person God has called ME to be.

I have really been working hard on trying to figure that out lately. In the past few weeks I am seeing that God has really big plans for me, and that he has been calling me to them for years. He has known my path and where I should be working towards. I have been ignoring that call for about 3 years now. Not that going to ACU was a mistake, it wasnt. However, I began to slip into the casual christian atmosphere and focused on school, then work, and through it all boys.

My focus is regaining. I am still interested in school, work and yes, those monsters called boys, however they are starting to be filtered through God first. He should be at the center and the rest will come together. Anyway thats what Im dealing with right now. Its rough but it is soooo much better than my sorry existence without my loving creator.

Lazy..

Today was a slackers day..

I let my students out early from class today. Like we literally spied out the door til the professors left for lunch so they could go. I just had no incentive to pretend to teach them a thing. I like teaching. Its fun watching the students become excited about spanish, about something new and difficult. The majority of the students are a blast. They laugh at me and even sometimes my jokes, i can be real with them, but still kick their butts if they talk when im talking. Its been neat. I like leadership roles although I dont think teaching could ever be my full time job. Im just not THAT passionate about it. Teaching knowledge is difficult for me to do because I know how little I have learned from a lot of my classes. Teaching passion through experience is my thing. I want to bring the students into experiences that change their world enough that they want to be a part of something new and radical. Inspiring world changers is my niche in life. Everytime I get into leadership positions the same thing happens. I make connections, use my authority to gain respect not just obedience, and use it to get people excited to do their jobs well for themselves. That is work ethic, that is passion for the job, and I believe that is how God calls us to love others. Encouragement, passion, love, respect, joy in life. Everything comes back to the dream.. what a big dream. And everyday it becomes farther away, and closer too.
I cant believe this time next year Ill be a real person. Graduated, on my way to find a job wherever God takes me. I have finally trusted it to him. I have quit my job, quit trying to control my life, and given it over again.. every day I have to do it. but it happens. I love God, he has given me more life than I ever couldve asked for. He wisked me up out of some horrible situations and placed me on a rock! Set my feet upon a rock and now I KNOW HIM! God is soo good. I lost him for awhile there. Somewhere in the midst of wanting to marry stephen because he is such a good guy, and realizing that God has even bigger plans for my life I found him again. It had something to do with the faces of those beautiful children in Juarez. Of finding that comfort and strength in him against all odds, and despite my horrible disobedience.
God, I want to do your ministry, I want to instill your passion and worship you with my WHOLE life. Not just my weekends, or my hours volunteering, or my leadership. With my mornings, with my naps, with my preparation for teaching, with my tattoo(s) with my love for my roommates, dog, family, and new friends.

I wish i could play guitar. This is the time to write a song.. a psalm, a cry out to the lord!!!

My sister is buying a bible. It makes me want to cry to think about it. i have prayed for my family since the moment I met Jesus on that horrible and wonderful day back in middle school. 10 years of prayer, my sisters daughter wants to go to church because she found a rosary at her grandmas house and started asking about it. Amazing. My sister has been asking about Jesus for the past couple years, i think she is horrified and curious about my life choice to be a Christian and go to a Christian school. To not get drunk, or have sex. Those are the things she sees first .. but she also sees I am happy, and that my life would have dictated otherwise has something else not intervened to give me the strength I needed. I have made so many mistakes in my life, but despite my winters with God, he has always lured me back, because I am his child.

Mom is sick again, and it worries me. Mom you worry me. Dont feel guilty about it, I just love you so much and hate being away from you. I wish you would call me and talk to me when you arent feeling well. You dont have to say anything, I just want to feel like Im near you. I miss you all the time. I miss all my family. It was good to talk to my brother the other day. Andy you are a piece of work. I am crying in my pride for you and your accomplishments. I wish I couldve gone to your graduation. I am soo happy for you.

Ultimate! Snap...

Ok.. so it was an overall good weekend. actually it was one of the better in the past few weeks. Sunday night I went to meet up with people at HSU again to play ultimate. It was exciting to see I was remembered.. and apparently talked about.. which freaked me out only slightly. We played on a new field. I pulled my Quad.. it felt like someone stabbed me and twisted the knife everytime I moved my leg. I tried to play on it then went to sit down for awhile. I got a thigh massage (sounds scandalous but it wasnt) it was like acupressure.. thought of you mom.. by this guy on the team.. he apparently does that often.. the acupressure not the massaging of girls thighs.. It helped some and I went out to play again later. Despite the intense pain I snagged a few good ones (immediately following I fell to my knees when my legs gave out), I blocked a few really good ones.. (sorry cody, but I had to take advantage of your cripplosity as well.. besides you blocked some of mine too.. punk.. im not bitter) overall it was good. and lucky for me we are working on serves in tennis so it didnt stop me from playing this morning.. too bad.

ok.. im done. life is good again. God is good

I QUIT!

I put in my notice at work this morning. I am going to work through july, but as of August first I am a customer and no longer an employee. It feels good. Rob had offered me the position of running the store with profit percent incentives. Not worth. I am so stressed out from life, classes, teaching and my future that I just cant deal with it .. I am in a funk, and a big part of that is the fact that I am overextending myself. The usual cause. So.. the summer will end and I will be in a new phase once again, back to mooching from my dad, loafing around and trying to get some good volunteering in. I am at work right now. and I have no desire to work, clean or do anything. This place has stripped me of my soul and all that that entails. I spent last night sobbing myself to sleep because all was wrong with the world. I need a change. So I called rob this morning before lab and told him. I feel better but it doesnt change the sinking feeling I have hat more changes will need to be made to make it better. only God can do that. so anyways.. thats where I am..

I played ultimate frisbee last sunday with a group of people from hardin simmons. it was a friend of a friend connection and I am hoping to play with them more often. There were a couple of really talented players but really it was just good competitive but polite play. it felt good to get out there again.. it felt even better to be meeting people from HSU.. a new crowd, a different breed. Refreshing..

So we are all moved in. The house is painted and beautiful. Summer classes start next week. Work is frustrating but going good still. I just got back from Moms for the weekend with brooke. She is looking good, and her classes are putting a smile on her face. Talked to Amber for a long time yesterday. It is so good to hear from her. Jesse wants to find a church.. how funny. God is good, faithful and sometimes the trickiest dude I know. My sister and I have been getting into some great conversations and God is putting some good people in her life..

Dad is moving to Newton Kansas. I dont know how I feel about this. I will only have one family member in Michigan. Well immediate family anyway. I dont know what to think about that. Hmmm... I am hoping to go to michigan at the end of the summer for a vacation of sorts. Hit the beach, see friends. Not sure where we will stay. Brian has offered. Lydia, Shyle, or many others are options. We'll see how it goes. Who knows.

Brian had a race in New Jersey last weekend. Bashed his face in pretty good. He is absolutely insane. But I expect nothing less from him.

Lessons in leadership.. the hard way.

Ok.. heres the deal. I love Third Rock. I hate the politics of working in an independent store. Never again will I do it unless I own it myself. Cuz really.. this place I tell you what. I understand what it means to be a manager, and I know what managers in my life instilled in me a desire to work hard and which ones made me want to be lazy. To me a manager needs to be able to treat you like a human and have enough repoire built that they can tell you to get stuff done and let you know when you arent working hard enough without being horrible and mean. I work hard for people that make me feel like Im doing a good job when I work hard. People that tell me Im never doing it good enough make me want to slack off cuz theres no way to reach their desired potential and their being bastards about it. I dont know.. maybe it sounds like I prefer buddy buddy to management stuff. Its not necesarily that.. I just dont think I have to be frowning all the time to get the job done. My staff that works with me three times a week is great, they work hard, listen, and do what I ask. I dont give them grief all the time, but I do tell them when they aren't up to par so they can prove me wrong. Work ethic isnt about pleasing all the bosses, it is about getting the job done the right way, the first time, efficiently, ethically and with a smile on your face. You need to own it. At sixteen I had a work ethic better than most college kids I know now. Thats because my mom showed me you can be proud of how fast and well you do your job.. even washing dishes. I worked in a cafe where we had a lot of dishes all the time.. everyone hated doing dishes.. I loved it. Its concrete work you can do with a smile, efficiently and it makes a big difference in the night. So I did it, every shift as well as I could on top of all the other tasks. It bred in me a pride in my work. In our Chamber choir excellence was the goal of everything. No matter how well we did, we could always do better. But the work it took to get there was the point of it all. And the end result was some amazing concerts, where we could see a huge improvement, were proud of the result and wowed the audience that a highschool choir could sound so professional. Thats where its at. Pride in your work for the sake of the better of all. Not to say Im a good worker, but to say my work makes a difference. Washing dishes makes the night a little less stressful.

Relax. Take pride in your work. Smile and enjoy life. Thats what leadership is about.

wow

Today was tiring.. read brookes blog www.brookeerin.blogspot.com to find out why.. oh and the sunburn applies to me.. only I wore a wifebeater so it is a rediculously strange looking burnt to a crisp...

goiing to mommas next week .. pumped I am PUMPED.. i mean that.. im excited to see my momma.. Im not excited about scrubbing down my cat urine infested apartment that I havent lived in for almost a month and drugging my cats into sitting in my 'trunk'(hatchback so its not as cruel as it sounds) for 14 hours.. luckily i wont have to drug brooke.. she's coming willingly.. she is looking forward to a few days in the country... hahah.. sounds relaxing.. I need it..

Weekend in GH

Wow, I just got back yesterday from GH, Michigan. What a blast it was! So much fun. It had lots of wedding stuff, a couple margaritas, and some good bud time. And a quazi date.. hahah.. Does it count? Who knows.. am I happy about it?.. yes. It was so good to see everyone again. Shyle is MARRIED! Lyds boytoy is awesome, and it was great to hang with Jenni, Kyle, Alex, Mitch, Lyd, Shy, Nate, Drew, Seth, Katie, etc. Oh yah and Zajac. What a sweetheart. A couple really interesting conversations went down. We are gonna keep in touch better this time. God has such strange timing.

Finals are this week, I had two papers due today.. Im tired. But work tonight was good. I talked to rob about changing my schedule next semester so I dont have to close as much. It stresses me out to much. I think im gonna do a couple morning shifts a week. That I can handle.

I need to get some work done before i go to bed. Im going to convince myself Im not waiting up by the phone. Im not.