It took me 4 hours at the Dep of Public Safety to get my bastard license figured out. 4 hours, zero homework, one Beotch, 2 angels, a written test, a driving test, 2 calls to the insurance agency, 6 calls to a non answering father and one phone call to my angelic brooke who listened past the tears and profanity. Blessings. And God came through. I can drive this week to Cali. Yay.

A White Spotted Weekend

Yes thats right you guessed it. I HAVE STREP. It was an overall good weekend though. Went to Arlington with Brooke and Rm in tow. Went shopping.. which was frustrating.. but saw curious george which is now by far my favorite feel good movie. Then to Chilis for dinner and a drink. Yummy Calipso or however you spell it. Fun with Megan, Phil and Brooke. We went home and I began to feel like.. what was it? Oh yes.. DEATH. The eve of my 21st bday I had full blown strep with a 102 fever. Yay. We almost had to forfeit the zoo. But we didnt. After breaking my fever in Brandons bed.. cuz I slept in his room.. cuz he wasnt home.. I felt pretty ok the next day. My temp was low.. like super low.. like 96.6 or something. So we went. About 130 I was about to pass out with body aches and chills. We went to Brookes and I passed out for a nap. Got ready and we wearily went to the wedding it was a beautiful wedding and reception. They are a favorite couple of mine. So sweet. After the reception it was off to Megans house. After having taken like an hour nap at brookes I started feeling better. We went and watched them play pool and minute by minute life began to renew. By 10pm I was back to being alive and well. I even played ultimate a little and did pretty good for being out of shape. I got home to brookes late after watching Walk the Line with erry body. I went home to bad news. White spots, and a renewed fever (thought not as high as the first time). I felt better though. I didnt feel like walking death. That was good. I slept in through church and we left at about 2pm. It is now 9pm sunday night and I have a pretty big homework load ahead of me. The good news is I am going to the doc tomorrow to get excused from classes for tomorrow and maybe even tuesday. That will help with catching up on homework I couldnt do this weekend and getting better for next weeks trip to cali which I REFUSE to miss.

So.. A good weekend.

Bon Anniversaire!

Feliz Cumpleaños! Happy Birthday! Yay!

It is my birthday. I am a happy camper. I have recieved some cool emails and ecards and text messages. I love technology.

Yay for Stephen and Rachel this weekend.

Yay for Curious George tonight

I went to the car dealership today with a load of books ready to plop in some horrible waiting room for the alotted two hours I had before class hoping I could at the very least get a new headlight out of it. I listed all the crap I needed them to check on and asked if I needed to wait to get most of it done since I didn't have a lot of time that day he said. Umm do you need a car? and I was like well yah I have classs. He was like meaning you need another car? Cause your car is still under warranty, a rental is covered. I was like WOAH! sweet dog! So for the next few days I am jammin out in a new malibu until my car is fixed. It actually makes me quite nervous but its better than worrying about not getting my car fixed before Cali! Woot!

I am sitting in the library after Linguistics. I have to study for my french test and start some research for my spanish class before Ahndria gets here to work on our stuff for ESL. Craziness. But I gotta tell you being at a computer with a full screen makes me pumped for my new lappy to get here.. which should arrive in the next few days.

Brrfday

So one week from friday is my 21st birthday.WOOPEE!!!

I am utterly stoked for my birthday for the first time in a long time. Brooke and I are goiing to go to FW Zoo and then go see curious george. Others are invited but I am perfectly excited if not moreso to spend this blessed occasion with my best friend. I enjoyed dinner and a movie with her on hers.. It will be nice to spend mine together with her. She is the best present money could buy and I am so proud of her for becoming such an amazing woman of God with such a great heart. God has blessed me so much these past months with her!! Thanks girl!

So much as I can tell the love interest has fizzled. Not from my end but Im down with honesty from people I trust.. and thus I am satisfied alone with the fact that I do feel ready to date again but am rather glad I have avoided it. or been avoided by it rather.

Speaking of the subject, communication with stephen has slightly resumed. or so the few emails here and there show me. One of the things I want to do this semester is heal that friendship. I understand he and I may never be able to be best friends, but I miss the person that he is and I wish that didnt have to disappear totally.

RM phil and I found a dog today. It was in his yard all cute and scraggly with nasty mattted black hair. It looks like toto but cuter. It is still a wee pup and will not be formally named hathchet as phil and others decided without my presence. Deb is keeping the sweet thing for a while until we decide what to do. My cats didnt like it so much, Z ran for the hills and Ada came to check it out with hair straight up and poofy. She looked like a big grey marshmallow

Tonight at work was frustrating. Rob was breathing down our necks all night long and recorrecting everybody like six thousand times. I understand and the new system he is impementing is working, but I get protective of my staff and frustrated like Im not being allowed to do my job. Hopefully it will improve. The raise was nice at least.

I will have a new compy by the end of the week. Thank God. I am sick of small font and half a screen. Right now half the words are missing so please excuse typos on the far right or left of the screen.

I started my Grad School App for SIT in Brattleboro VT today. I just wanted to see what it felt like. And I really liked it. I decided against the school in Phillie cuz when I read all the bieos these people were like superheros who had conquered the world then decided to go back to school. So right now Im looking at the one in VT. It was the one I found like 2 years ago and almost cried when I found it. It feels like the right fit, and it isn't uber expensive. Plus it is in like a small town area and in the midst of some beautiful countryside. I could use a breather from the town life and moving to a big city didn't sound very pleasing just yet. So we shall see where God leads my path to straighten.

Weird Weekend

So this was a weird weird weekend. It went by slowly and quickly. Friday was a flash. Then Sat morning I had Sing Song practice.. Jenna Lucado and the other girls are so sweet.. It has been such a blessing to get to know them.. I went home and caught up on some sleep I needed after a week of being sick. Then Hooked up with Brooke for a walmart run, quick dinner and a dash to JCPenney to pick up lingirie for Rachel.. we found some cute stuff there.. After that we headed to the Shower and pretty much got lost for like 30 minutes or so.. it was scary a nd dark and BFE. For those of you who dont know what that means.. think Boonies, Nowheresville etc. Well we eventually made it and there were like 45 people there.. it was packed. We watched her blush as she opened presents, played a relatively tame game and then I .. twentyfive minutes later.. had to leave for work. I really did! I felt bad for leaving after so quick.. I wanted to atleast be there for like an hour before having to go.. but there were so many people ther I didnt feel too bad. Anyways.. I got to work and EVERYTHING was under control.. they were doin awesome.. it was clean and neat and efficient. It felt good to feel useless!

I headed over to Sarah Easters house for some Gilmore Girls, lost miserably at the trivia game but it has been great to be welcomed into the friendship of these girls. I am to the point where I am about ready to give up my cats to be able to live with Andrea next year. We'll see. God is Good and I trust him. After that we swung by the boys house where they were watching the Exorcism of Emily Rose. We caught the last part of the movie and then I had to sneak back to work to help them close. We got out by 1:30 which was pretty impressive for a Saturday night.

This morning I accidentally slept through church and went to the nursery. I got to see Lindley and Gracie dance like penguins and watch lil jackson make me nervous as he strutted through the room.. weirdest baby gait ever! but so cute! Holland didnt come. Sad.

I did some homework and headed over to the boys house to bring ERRm to Megiddo for the Superbowl party. I brought brett my NY Times to trade for his Econimist. We are big nerds. It was a good NYT though.. Im excited about the new issue of the Economist!! Then off to the Sullivans for dinner and back to Brookes for studying

It is now 11:11. I saw that this morning and last night. My Grandma is saying hello I think. Or God is trying to tell me something. I dont know but I am at peace about it.

Now I am going to go read some of my frighteningly sweet book. Its so sweet and delicate it is like therapy. Goodnight all!

Worthy of the chase I am!

Today was a weird day. I slept through my morning class. Which I hate. I feel so worthless when I skip class. But I am sick and I needed to rest badly. I made it to my one oclock although it wasnt worth going to becuase my head was so foggy I could have worn beer goggles and seen better. Then I went home and did homework. I was proud cuz I didnt go to sleep I actually did my homework. Thats a first. I have been catnapping a lot lately. Its bad.

I went to work tonight and it was weird. My head was still a little screwy so I wasnt efficient at all. Plus I didnt want to touch any of the ice cream and had to wash my hands a thousand times.

I got a promotion last night. Yes another one. I am now the general manager of the store, and second in command. There are a lot of reasons for this promotion but I am soo proud. It is kind of a political thing. Basically so that I can keep an eye on everyone including the other management.. ehem. But its still pretty cool. I am nervous though because I am not higher than a lot of people that are older than me. I was used to that this summer, but its different when its business versus ministry. I still have to change my mindset about that. Losing money is a big deal in a business like this.

God is so good for blessing me with this opportunity and seeing how much he is watching out for me and also lighting the path before me. Everyday the vision becomes clearer.

This weekend is Rachels Lingerie shower. I dont think I can go which stinks. Well sort of. See the thing is I despise lingerie showers. Mostly because it is one of those "advice" sessions and honestly I just dont want to hear it until its my marriage and right before the wedding. Its a personal thing. I struggle with lust a lot and having to hear details and stories and tips about sex for hours isnt my cup of tea. I love you Rachel and you are an amazng girl, many blessings on your wedding but for the sake of my own mental purity I cant go. The main reason is because of this promotion I have to go in and do spot checks at work for like an hour on sat night. But I honestly didnt fight it.. Im sorry.. I am a horrible friend.

So I have a love interest. No names will be revealed but its kinda freakin me out a little bit. I feel like a highschooler. And I never realized how much of a go getter I am as far as dating is concerned. I am so bad at the waiting game. When Im interested I show it and wait for a response. But I am SOOO sick of being the pursuer. I would kill to be pursued. The most attractive thing a guy can do is pursue a girl, pull out all the stops, be open. There is a difference between being one of those overconfident guys who ask you out cuz they KNOW you cant say no. Then there are the guys who go out of their way to say hey, Im interested and I think you might be someone special.. lets find out. SOmeone who does something creative to grab yourr attention cuz they know you might be a catch. I dont know..

All I know is there are a lot of guys who just walked out of my life.. and if they had chased me I might have let them stick around. But its not worth being with someone who doesnt make you feel like your worth the chase.

Girls? Are you with me on this one?

Payday. Good day.

For those confused by the previous post:

A not is something brooke and I came up with last night. Our own category. When people ask me what Im like I never know what to tell them.

Im not a jock but Im athletic.

Im not girlie, but I like to be pretty.

Im not butch but I can wear sweats and short hair.

Im not a nerd, but Im intelligent.

Im not OCD but I like to be clean

Im not a scrub but sometimes I dont take a shower.

Im not a pushover but Im also not a B*tch.

Im not lazy, but I like to relax.

Im not a workaholic but I have a good work ethic.

Im not cocky, but Im confident.

Im not popular but I like who I am.

Im not a musician, but Im musical.

Basically this group is for those of us well rounded folk who arent molding ourselves to one category or another. We decided that although it is ok to be a part of a group such as the above mentioned, some people cop out and pick one because they are too lazy to figure out who they are. So.. Word to all the NOTS out there.. Are you a Not?


Other than that today was pretty crappy.. other than lunch.

I slept through my french class.. yep.. I did. I made it to chapel and was blessed with a lunch with marcus, phil, ahndria, sarah and well.. me. It was tasty and I like them. They are such sweet happy people. I hope to get to know them better..

Then I finally got a hold of my dad after a boring afternoon class. And hell opened. I told him about how I was looking at grad schools and michigan..so he'd know I was listening to him and putting away some of my pride.. I told him about how Rob basically offered me the future position of running one of his stores, so that he would see that I am enjoying my job and am talented at it.. And what happened? He blew up. He yelled and got pissed, and kept sying all this stuff about how I dont knwo what Im talking about and how I ignore what he says about maybe liking corporate stuff, and not letting me say a word at allllll.. I just stopped listening. I was so pissed.. SO pissed. He has burst my bubble and hurt me too many times. How long will it take for him to realize that although I understand his motives are pure.. or almost pure, it is still my life that I am trying to make something of and I may have to do it MY way.

I cant even explain to you how mad I was.. I got to the point where I almost.. ALMOST screamed F&!K you and hung up. NOT EVEN KIDDING. But I calmed myself atleast til I could get off the phone. He has never brought me to tears before, but this did it. OH this did it.

I am finally to a point in my life where I see a direction I want to go. And although I dont know the next step in the path I can see the general direciton. Its like when you are driving and night in a blizzard and although you cant see ten feet ahead of you you can make out the direction of the lines on the side of the road enough to just keep going. If you were to call someone and say hey what direction do I go.. taht wouldnt help you. Only staring at those lines on the road and being focused on what adventures lay ahead of you will work. Wow.. That just came into my head.. God is good. ANyways..

Work was alright tonight. Not busy. Even though the people I worked with were convinced that was the busiest it had ever been. ahhaha. funny.

Oh last night and this afternoon I had some pretty cool convos with my friend from Mexico City. Man I want to go down there SOO bad. I want to have a vacation so bad. By myself or with a friend. I dont know. I just NEED IT. So I think I am going to save up some of my money from work and fly down to Mexico City this summer for like a week and hang out with my friend. He's a pretty cool guy and I wouldnt feel weird about it. He's a great man of God and is always an encouragement. Plus he said he'd take me on a tour of the pyramids and all the cool museums!

I am a NOT.

Short and Long

For the simple minded:

I got lost in Abilene today.. actually I just missed a couple exits. I was distracted. I apparently like taking Treadaway to school.

I set off the alarm at work last night. I am an idiot. Oh well. First closing alone time. I was proud of everything else. Hey its not my fault he only showed me how to leave not how to go back in when I forgot my wallet and car keys inside the locked alarmed building. Woopsie.

Today in chapel we found out that the Soulforce is coming to ACU. Im not sure exactly what theyre about but it has something to do with Christians and admissions bans agains Gay, Lesbian, Bi or Transexual people. We are one of 14 institutions singled out by their campaign. Not that it makes a difference, but we dont have a ban on GLBT students. Well anyways.. as this was discussed in Chapel Dr. Money (sighing and heart palpitations did in fact occur) proposed different responses to this. He said we could charge them with trespassing and have them arrested. This was said in sarcasm but was followed by a Woop by some dude joking around (I would hope) and followed by laughing and cheering, something I hoped was in response to the woop but I fear was also in favor by some to the arresting of the campaigners. He then offered the option of treating them like any other guests on campus, with kindness, interest and dialogue. I heard some Thank yous yelled by others like myself and I realized I was clapping and saying the same thing before I realized the passion and disgust the previous response instilled. There are some things I can tolerate in the world, hating people with different opinions is not one of them. Thus.. I am excited to see the discussions incurred by the presence of Soulforce on our campus. Some of these students, including myself, need a challenge.

Long winded Phyllis.... If you are bored.. click the next blog in your favorites.. this is for my own personal catharsis. Although some of you may find it interesting. I wont take offense if you dont.

Today I found out that I cant be certified in ESL with my degree not being in education. That would have been a duh type situation had my advisor mentioned to me that he was not sure what the requirements were rather than just telling me that yes it was true and I should go ahead and jump into the 12 hours of courses. So I found out tonight. Its not a huge deal.. I get an endorsement rather than a certification. But still. There are other classes that might be more useful to me than read/write/connect or English Grammar. Seriously.. perhaps a business class, or something that would be helpful to future endeavors. So Im stuck. Do I stick with it and get an ESL endorsement in hopes that some highschool will emergency certify me and Ill be good to go.. Or do I only take the two classes I am now enrolled in and get certified later when I know I want to teach it. I can always take a summer course and get the cert. So Im stuck. The cool thing is that after chapel on Wednesday when they talked about owning your own dream instead of running on the coattails of someone elses (in response to MLK day and his dream) I realized that I have already taken ownership of this dream. To the point where I have openly told a couple people my dream. That freaked me out a little bit but it felt right. And that means a lot. Today in my ESL class I wrote on my Self Portrait page that my dream was to open a cafe as a starting point for a ministry that encourages service and missions in an international context. Wow. That is like only a sliver of the mission statement but it feels right.

So. What does this mean? I am taking serious consideration of the things I would need to get there. For the first time I am considering going and getting an MBA. I think for a long time I avoided it because my dad pushed it so hard even though he wasnt happyin his own business adventures. SO .. we'll see.. but God is pulling rugs underneath me left and right...

Finding Home

Classes started today. But thats nothing.

For the first time in a long long long time, I found home in myself again. I have finally found who I have not been for such a long time, and for such a long time has missed being.

If that doesnt make sense to you, dont worry. I feel at home with myself. And how did I find it? Well I have found where God fits in me. Or rather where I fit in God. I have struggled with it for so long. Do I have to be a missionary to be a good Christian? Can I only go to church once a week and still be a Christian? Can I be an unfaithful person and still be ok in God's eyes? The answer. I don't have to fit God into whatever turn my life goes in. I don't have to cut a God shaped box in my heart and slip Him in. What I need to do is allow myself to live IN HIM. That is such a cliche thing but I have realized it today. How? Well I dont know. But let me explain a moment to you.

I was in chapel today. I got there and felt the grumbles begin. I didn't want to be there, or I didnt want anyone to think I did. I didnt know whether I wanted to be there or not. I had had so many moments over the past years full of cynicism: All they do is sing no one cares what they say. And then the times where I could see the people with eyes closed and hearts bursting for God and think Showoffs.. they dont mean it. Rediculous.

Something happened in chapel today however. Blessed be thy name. The version where it talks about Blessing Gods name when the world is right or if the world is all wrong. Every time I hear that song I think of my life and see how much God has blessed my name. And I kind of realize as well how little glory I give to God for it. I thank him for the perseverence and character he gives me, but never really ask for more. I never really want to trust my life to more of his "teachings".

The other half of it is this: I am kind of scared to become a "christian girl". The one who glows with love and character, with hospitality and gentleness. The girl who goes on mission trips and babysits for free. I don't want to slip into the "cliche christian girl". The girl all boys think they can bring home to mom cuz they are the "right kind of girl". I dont want to be cast as that girl. Its not that I dont want to be a good person, a person who loves God, or a person of good moral character who is good enough to bring home to mom. I do however want people to see me, see my character and see the flaws as well as the perfections. I want to be a servant of Christ but not one that blindly follows cuz its in the church bulletin. So how do I set myself apart. Well now theres another thought. I am desiring to set myself apart. From good Christian people. So what does that mean? Am I a holier than thou? or do I just desire a genuine faith so that people can taste and see that the Lord is good? My family wont find God because I am "good to bring home to the fam". Thats too "transparent". Rugged Christianity is what I want. And yet that requires truth, confession, and brutal forgiveness, mercy and humility. Much of which I am also petrified.

So I am struggling with where God fits in my heart. Or I was anyway. Until I closed my eyes and sang "Blessed be thy Name" your GLORIOUS NAME! and it all melted away. It was good that I was wrestling with my faith, but even better knowing that God was glorious whether I was Cookie Cutter Christian or Rugged Hardcore Christian. Hey maybe I can just be Phyllis Chill aspiring to be more like the Christ who has been with me from creation.

A song that breaks my heart in a good way:
JARS OF CLAY LYRICS
"Worlds Apart"
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
[Additional lyrics:]
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now,take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I praytake my world apart

Um. I got a promotion. And a raise. Yum.

So I went in this morning for my first day of work at Third Rock Creamery and Coffee. The Ice Cream consultant had come in from Fort Worth and spent the day teaching us (the manager and assistant managers.. um yah apparently Im one of those!!) how to run the machine and different recipes. It was a fun but long day. 9-5. Literally. The craziness of opening a store ensued. The electrician n came to fix the espresso machine. I talked to the seller on the phone to figure it out. I got it turned on and heating up when the ELECTRICIAN decided she needed to move the machine. That cracked a pipe and it stopped working. This is a five thousand dollar italian machine. There are no manufacturers in texas to fix it in three days. SOOOOO we called the supplier again and the other asst manager had to drive to and from FW to bring it back tonight to be hooked up tomorrow so i can FINALLY start running recipes. Ugh. Well so the day was spent learning ice cream stuff. The machine is easy and the ice cream is AMAZING. man. Im gonna be FAT.

So the fun continued for hours untill about three oclock in the afternoon when the plumbers came to fix the ice machine and turned off a water valve that happened to also be connected to the ice cream machine we were about to run another batch through. Well twenty minutes later after the plumber had left.. the ice cream machine wasnt working. We called suppliers and technicians. It wasnt fixed when I left but will be.. apparently.. tomorrow. So Third Rock Creamery and Coffee has neither the former or the latter.. and we open on wednesday. Umm. wow.. BUT all will come together in the end. I trust that it will.

It has been a bewildering day. An eye opener. But a great light is at the end of so many tunnels..

I am excited to return to work tomorrow and continue the adventure.. for now.. sleep.

A blank day...

Have you ever woken up and wished the day you were beginning would not exist. Not that you want to die, but just that you wish it would be the next day already. That was today. After a long night of not great sleep I woke up and turned off my alarm. At about 10am I woke up again and forced myself to get ready to take a shower and wait for the call from my boss saying I could come in to work. Its not often you are eagerly awaiting that call. Well I got the call as I turned on the water for my shower. It was not the call I expected. Rather the shipments of coffee and other things we would need for the day wouldnt be there til tomorrow, Thursday. Well I chuckled and said "no problem, see you tomorrow". And slumped. I turned off my shower threw my pjs on again.. ehem.. and then fell asleep again. This time I slept relatively well until about 1pm. Due to paws and meows I finally got up and made my self presentable to the world. Not that I presented myself to it.. I didnt. Instead the day was spent setting up my schedule board, eating crappy steak express, and attempting to Oxy away the nasty stains on my carpet. Fun.

Well all of my chores were done hours ago so now I am watching Smallville and sending weird messages to Brooke who I am jealous of for being at work.

Its strange. I know that it is probably not the best use of my day.. you know wishing it didnt exist... but I am so anxious for having something to do. Idleness is not my cup of tea. Patience isn't either. Maybe because I am so excited about this job God is teaching me a lesson. I don't know. All I know is that my dreams were all about coffee last night and they were restless. I am nervous. Noone should feel nervous to be a coffee barista, but I am. Like I said yesterday, I feel like this job is going to make or break my dream. Basically if I end up hating it I dont know what I will do..find a different dream.. or maybe keep going with my dream and assume it will be different when I am fulfilling God's will for me.

Here is a little nugget to chew on for those of you who are curious:

Connecting missions with real life is something that will always be incredibly valuable to me. I grew up in a youth group that tried its best to follow up on mission trips and other acts of service. Unfortunately there was never a real tie between the foreign countries we served and our lives as highschoolers. So how do we make the tie. That tie is what awakes our desire to help those in need, those around the corner and those in the far corners of the world. Win Build Equip Send was the motto for our youth group in highschool. My youth pastor did a great job doing the first three, but in order for the equipped to be sent, that connection must be made mentally and spiritually. A person needs to see the eyes of the person their life choices affect. Serving those who sew the clothes we wear, loving the children who live on the wages their parents make from those jobs, and opening opportunities for improving the lives of both. So how do we do that? Well I dont know exactly quite yet. But my vision is to find it. And my dream is big.

Hotter than Hades.

So it is January 3 and it is 90 degrees outside. HOLLY CRAPP! yes craziness.

So I havent posted in well.. awhile.. so here I am.

My new years was fantastic. Brooke Jules and I went to IHOP for dinner at about 11pm. Brooke and I made it back to her place by the dropping of the ball and hung out making fun of stupidface Haley Duff while silently enjoying her music and being jealous. The past few days has been full of girl lunches, sleeping through church, Mona Lisa Smile, and Coffee. Yes Coffee.

SO MUCH COFFEE. Actually I havent gotten to the point of consuming it yet. I start that tomorrow. This week I have been putting together my training packet for next week when I Phyllis Chill train the employees on how to operate an espresso machine and create beautiful jitter starters.

Im kind of perplexed by the position I have been put in. One I havent actually made an espresso drink since 2 summers ago. Two I have never really been the one to know the ins and outs of the machine, that was all taken care of by management or corporate. And Three I have never worked at a privately owned cafe. All of this leads me to the conclusion that this is going to be an adventure. I am caught up in a fairly complicated but interesting situation.

The other part that kind of freaks me out is that this is preparing me for my future dream. Yes that dream that I have yet to mention on my blog despite its overtaking of my mind and thought process. This is the dream that has invoked a hope and desire to succeed and depend on God cuz there aint NO way I could ever do it by myself. Lydia, my darling, I hope still aspires to be my partner in this dream although I will be quite understanding if God takes her in another direction. Im stalling. I really am. It is one thing to talk and dream about something. It is quite another to confess it and type it out in front of me. I dont want to jinx it. I really dont.

This is a dream that has only just become something conceivable in my eyes. It has always been in the background as a fallback if I never know what I want to be when I grow up. I have always wanted to make a difference in the world. To build great relationships but most importantly influence people, especially youth and college students, to be world changers themselves. In my eyes there is no better way to change the world than multiply yourself into hundreds of world change focused youth. The church of tomorrow, the church of today. Man.

So my dream. Do I dare confess it? Do I? I fear the rejection of my peers as well as my family. Although I already have so many supporters in my mom, sister and even my aunt who I love dearly for literally giggling and bubbling with excitement when I told her. Much better than the horrible answer and discouragement I got from other parts of my family. Although they really never got to see the vision and Im not sure they would approve of it if they did. Either way. Its my dream.. and its a big one.

Because of this dream I have been thinking about stephen a lot lately. Not because I want to get back together with him, but because we dreamed a lot together. We would spend hours talking things through, ideas, hopes, questions what have you. I miss that. I wish I could sit down with him and talk this through for hours. I dont think thats possible. but maybe. Thank God for Brooke who brings up my dream daily to remind me its possible, and its a great dream.

I dont think I will divulge my dream just yet. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week. Maybe in ten years when it has come true. Until then. Be praying and keep your eye out for it. You'll know it when you see it.. You'll know it when you feel its effects on the worldchangers of today.

God only you have the power and the might to do this. You planted this dream in my head. Give me the vision, drive and confidence to follow through with something for once in my life.

Coming Home..again.

Wow.. my vacation in Michigan is coming to a close. I got to see Shyle and Lydia. Man. I missed them soooooo dearly.

Spent most of the weekend back and forth between family stuff. Drinking lots of Mountain Dew, Dayquil and tea. Playing lots of Poker, Craps, and BlackJack. Frosting lots of Xmas cookies and watching LOTS of Alias. All of Season four to be exact. MAN I NEVER SAW THAT ENDING coming from aMILE away. Sheesh.

It has been great to see everyone. BUT I miss Atown. I miss my bed, my cats, my compy. I miss relaxing. I wont miss the small talk. I love my family and I love that they want to know how Im doing but I wish sometimes I could just wear a sign. It would probably read:

Phyllis Nicole Chill
Abilene, Texas (yes.. Bush country.. No I dont think he's an angel)
20 yrs. Junior at Abilene Christian University (yes people do party)
Spanish/International Studies/ESL
GPA 3.66
Graduate in May 07
I dont know what I am doing afterwards.
This semester was really rough. Worst Class: Mexican History Best Class: Gymnastics
No Stephen and I arent dating anymore.
Yes he spent this summer in Africa and he didnt die.
I live alone in my apt. with my two cats: Ada and Z.
I am staying in Abilene this summer for classes and work.
I will be working at a Cafe/Creamery.
I was in Uruguay studying last spring.
I worked in Mexico this summer.. missions.. high school students.
I wont be travelling abroad for awhile.
I will be back in Michigan for a wedding in May.

For more information: talk to me directly or check my blog

hahah.. Seriously.. now lets cut to real conversations and card games.

PS. Craps is officially really confusing but LOTS of fun. As is Texas Hold em.

Ya regrese, ya me voy

Well I just got back from Juarez last night.

Man it was so amazing to see everybody again. I forgot how much I love everything about that city. I was real nervous driving my car around there, but it was easier to drive my little cochita than the big 15 passenger van. Crossing the border went smooth. Thank God for the gift of Gab when it comes to stressful situations.. we got inspected coming back from Juarez. Thats what happens when the passengers both have michigan IDs and a Michigan license plate and say they came down for a Quincenera.. one night.. thats it.. hahah.. he was like your nuts!

I got some great pics. It was hysterical to see Eileen in a dress and hating life. SHe hates being the center of attention. Oh was she!!!

The whole things started with a church service. The sanctuary was done up like a wedding.. Tulle-rific. Blue and white with these candle thins that kept falling over. About 30 minutes was spent greeting people. Some had come from far away.. others lived there. Then it started. The three escorts came in. This was hysterical because they are three of the most gangsterish, dark long haired, black finger nails, marilyn manson listening boys. They were in TUXES!!! they had to like wedding march in with the funny slow walk and stuff. Then Eileen was escorted in by her mom and dad. They had to help her from not falling cuz here heels were.. oh my gosh.. 4 inches and BRIGHT BLUE STRAPPY SCARINESS.. I about cried... She had her, eybrows, nails, makeup, strapless dress with like beaded blue and white corset.. FRIGHTENING.. but she was so pretty. She had a crown on and she was hiding behind all her straightened hair.. She sat down in a chair facing away from us and fidgeted through a 40 minute sermon about waiting to find the guy has for you, and living for what God desires etc. I had a hard time paying attention.

After the sermon he called up the parents and the godparents. They presented the bible, the ring, and a pillow that she then knelt on. Liz and I joined 9 other people (to represent fifteen in all, one for each year of her life) as she was prayed over and blessed. The ceremony ended and the next 40 minutes was for pictures and greetings again. Almost every candle got knocked over. hahah..all the kids were fast asleep on shoulders..

We all jumped in vans and cars and headed over to the reception hall. Ours was in the Penthouse suite. Basically the top floor with an amazing view of the city and it was private. We hung out for awhile until Eileen came in. They served cokes and dinner.. which wasnt very good. It was like this weird chicken that you had to eat with a spoon. a lot more difficult that worth the taste.. hahah.. it wasnt typical mexican dish. After that they did the waltzs. THIS WAS HYSTERICAL. Eilleen and her three escorts had to do all this choreographed waltzing.. All for of them wanted to cut themselves. they stared at the floor with zero rythem or desire to be there.. After that they had people go up and make some speeches. NOBODY wanted to. A couple of the gringos did, then a brother and a cousin. But neither parent did. it was weird. Dessert was served.. ehem.. I didnt eat any.. I was still reeling over dinner. People started to leave after that and the "dancing" was supposed to begin but it never really did. Everybody was exhausted so we all just mingled and talked. It was kind of dissappointing but it was cool.

We went home at about 2 in the morning and left for abilene at like 11 the next day. 2 and 1/2 hours were spent trying to cross the border.. the line was SOOOOOO long.. longer than I had seen it all summer. Everyone was leaving to xmas shop in El Paso. nuts.

Long drive. Long weekend.

I need to go repack for Michigan.. I go to dallas soon then off to Ann Arbor tomorrow.

Done and Done!

I am finished! Finally! This semester is over! Woot! Woot WOOOOOOOOT!

This semester has been full of so much.. drama, studying, dancing, singing, craziness.

I feel like I should recount it.. but Ill save you the death.. I mean boredom.

I will however EXCLAIM that I got an A on my term paper!!!!! If anyone needs to know anything about Day of the Dead and Mexican Catholicism.. YOU LET ME KNOW!!

I have also learned that fighting with someone over IM in Spanish is way more infuriating that would normally be expected. Arg.

One night down one to go...

Well last night was opening night for Eth05! It was fantastic!

Our rehearsals this week were exhausting but the show went GREAT!

I have video of our tango (thanks jules!) and our brazilian dance. I am SOO proud of our tango I feel like it turned out really well. My partner rules! hahah..

It is so amazing to be a part of something so great! I feel like I have gained a thousand new friends from all over the world. Oh wait I have! Friends from India, Africa, Brazil, Madagascar, Colombia, Guatemala, Argentina, Mexico, Honduras, and so many other countries I cant remember right now! Craziness!

Well tonight is our last night, afterwards is the celebration and I am so READY for it! man!
Starting tomorrow I am in work mode again for this term paper. I really have to buckle down and get something written. Im hoping to turn in my Intro/Thesis for review fromt he Professor on Tuesday but I dont knwo if Ill get that far..

Well I need to start cleaning my house.. Its a disaster after this week!

See ya!

Clearwire rules.

I am at starbucks. i have been here since about 5pm. it is pushing 8:20. I will be here another couple hours. I am on a study break right now. My mind is a flurry of spanish grammar... I have a test on tuesday and I am superdee duperdee nervous about it.

Friday night I went to Freshman Follies. No offense to those of you who were in the show.. but it wasnt worth 9 dollars. It was fun however to hang out with James. Hes fun.. itll be nice to have another crazy friend next semester.

After that I went over to Isaacs and watche he, jeremy and austin play some starwars video game. It was a blast. I miss watching Drew play for hours on end. Its like a movie I can get involved in. Plus it was fun to make fun of them when they sucked like I couldve done better... hahah not likely.

Saturday morning I went to Healing hands to help fold close for my Service Hours. I love it there. Kat is amazing and the girls that go from our class are so funny. I think Ill keep going to help out even after my hours are done. Kat has great stories and it is an amazingly impactful and passionate non profit!

I hit the Homer Hiccolm concert on Sat night.. that despite the crappy beore and after bands was SO worth the 10 bucks to get in. THey are amazing in concert. Wow. And great guys too!

After THAT.... the fun began. I went with jeremy and austin, to meet up with Isaac and a bunch of people I didnt know at this girls house who I didnt know. They were having a Salsa party, and it was SOOOOOO MUCH FUN. It has been so long since I have been in the social scene... let alone with a group of people I dont know. I didnt realize how much I missed hanging out with new people, groups of people, doing social things. Something God has pushed me to do this semester is spread out my time between lots of different people.. push my bubble a little bit to include people Im not used to, people that think differently, and people that intimidate the hell out of me. I have learned so much. I am so grateful to all the opportunities I have had to do it thus far this semester. It is busy and hectic, but I wouldnt trade it for anything. Its nice to have the challenge of a schedule, work, school, social..

crap ok Im off to studying again.

A hard day to be alone

Today was a hard day. I had a bummer of a test this morning. Ithink I did alright but it was really depressing to feel so stressed and unprepared despite the hours of studying I put in.

I also realized that this week is roughly the five year anniversary of the death of Ryan, Adam, David and John. Those of you that dont know they are four friends who died in a car accident my freshman year of highschool. I havent really thought about it in a long time. I havent really had to. Along with that comes every thing else. Dan and Andy who drown freshman year of college, my friend adam who died of cancer, my grandma whom I miss so dearly. It is hard to have them all within the same couple months. It just lumps together and hits so hard sometimes.

I sound like a downer. I am a downer. Oh well.

The past week has been a week of odd emotional rollercoasters. One minute I feel content and confident, the next I am in a sea of confusion and emotional inadequacy. Usually my feet land on the ground but today has been a tough fight for it.

I missed my mom last week. I needed one of her wonderful back massages soooo bad. I hated that I couldnt go home and get one, and then talk for hours. I miss my mom. Dearly.