Sunday, November 29, 2009


I'm at the office right now. I got a call from my angry (not at me) boss saying for some dumb reason I was scheduled to cover the front office from 12-4pm today (Sunday after thanksgiving) and was wondering if I wouldn't mind since we dont' have anyone to cover it. I am working 12am-8am on Xmas and New Years eve this year in order to take my holiday hours for other reasons. Because of that they said I wouldn't have to work over thanksgiving. WRONG.
The first trip will be a short weekend in dallas to see Brooke, Charles and Daniel for a little bit. Brooke is about to have her baby and Daniel will be off on his next adventure soon enough. The second will be in the spring when Justin goes on leave. We are planning on heading up to Alaska for a week and I am super excited. He talks about Alaska as if it is the promised land and I've always wanted to go. I feel like I would love every inch of it but we'll see.

To do this week:
- work on Justin's Xmas box.
- Popup Xmas cards
- Clean the house more
- fix the garage door opener
- get the cats fixed
- find a third roommate.. again
- figure out loan stuff for school

Monday, November 23, 2009


I just dropped justin off at the base. He flies out tonight on his way to Iraq for a year. He'll be in Maine for a day, then Germany, then Kuwait, then Iraq. I won't get to see him until the spring when he has his midpoint leave. But even that may be scratched because they may shorten the tour. Which would be ideal.

This morning was difficult though. We sort of avoided each other knowing that we were both on the edge of exploding. I stayed at Clara's last night since we had already moved all of our stuff into Justin's house and packed all of his stuff away. He still needed to pack for Iraq and I needed to get out of the house. It was too hard to watch him pack stuff especially all his gear and protective things. Scary. So I came back to his house this morning at about 8:30. He was on the phone with his dad, and I needed to shower. He shaved his head last night and changed into his uniform while I was in the shower I think. When I saw him that was it. He was a solder. He looked like one of the soldier actors you see on tv. Shaved head, uniform, stern look. He looked strong and willing. It was enough to make me break. I hugged him and we both broke down. It was a hard moment as neither of us have ever even seen the other cry :) We said I love you and resumed the mornings tasks. Breakfast, more packing, feed the cats, check farmville. I set up the utilities at the house, and he called more friends and family. About ten oclock we got in his pathfinder. He kept running through the list of things I needed to do. Drive his car around the block once every two weeks, forward all his mail to his dads, mow the lawn, go to the doctor, bring the cats to the vet, this envelopes for pastor tom, this ones for his leather motorcycle jacket. The list grew and grew. I just said breathe, its ok. I'll remember. It was silent for the twenty minute drive. The impending tears remained and we held hands quietly for the drive. We got to base and had to wait for about an hour. It was the longest hour of my life. We would hug for a few seconds then back away before the tears came again. He just kept saying his mantra.

It will be ok
Its just a year
I'll be safe
Don't worry
I love you.
Take care of Charlie.

We brought his bags where they needed to be and sat for awhile. We didn't really speak and the wind was kind of cold but thank God its texas and there wasn't anything too drastically miserable. Finally it was about 11:30 and we headed towards the car. I needed to be at work around noon and the suspense was killing us. We got to the car and had our final hug. We tried hard but the tears started again. It was too hard. There were sweet kisses, thick hugs, sniffling, tears and finally he pulled away and said 'Lets pray before we say goodbye'. We prayed together by the car and the peace came that we needed. He'll be safe. Its just a year, I'll be ok. He loves me like I love him. And charlie loves us both.

I got in the car and tried to suck it up.

Then he ran up to the car and said "wait wait.. did I ever show you were you have to bang on the car if it doesn't start?'

what?? I howled in laughter before realizing he was serious and already getting the blanket out of the back of the pathfinder to put on the concrete. So we squished under the car together, and he showed me what part I needed to bang on with a hammer if it didn't start. I loved every second of it. :)

We got off the ground, he put the blanket away and took his weapon off the car. I hugged him quick and said goodbye. I love him.

I cried all the way to taco bell, and then all the way to work. Where I am sitting now. The waves hit every once in a while. He's really gone. God please bring him back home. Charlie would die without him.

This year has been quite a ride and God has been watching us and filling our lives with grace and mercy since we've met. Please be safe. Know that you have a lot of people who love you and care about you, cats too. Come home safe. Be smart. And trust God. He's the best protection I could offer.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Winter Song

This is one of the songs that make me excited to learn guitar.. which I now have time to do. Next step? Get someone to harmonize with.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Spaghetti Brain

Well since I have last posted. I have graduated. You are officially reading the writing of Phyllis Chill M.A. Should I change my card? I kind of liked Phyllis Chill BA more because it made me feel like I could convince people it meant Bad Ass and kick them in the shins. Maybe not.

Today my brain is spaghetti. Masters or not I have zero work ethic and no brain capacity. I have done zilch in the office today except print out a few reports and sort some school supplies. I have lots of things I should be doing but zero desire to do it. I've lost my gumption. Could I have it back?

Part of the craziness is the emotional rollercoaster that is the next few days of my life. I am happy to be done with school, but I don't know what to start doing first. Plus my time is spent with Justin who deploys on Monday. VERY SAD FACE. I will miss him more than I want to think about and openly admit. Ok I admit it.

I told someone the other day that when I get stressed or emotional or well lets face it hormonal.. I tend to get what i call spaghetti brain. Where a thousand different thoughts swirl around and make no sense in my mind at all. Then I end up making stupid conclusions and decisions and end up super irrational and even more emotional than before. One of the things that I love about Justin is that with a word or a hug or a joke all the spaghetti straightens out and my head is clear. Or he just says Phyllis you are being irrational.. and I go Oh!! yeah ok. There are few people in the world that don't make me stubborn: my sister, brooke, and daniel .. and now Justin. Thats pretty exciting because the list isn't long and its hard to find. Praise God that he puts people in our lives who get us.

On a less selfish note.. Justin leaves on Monday morning deploying to Iraq. I will worry about him and pray for him but he has assured me that he will come home and I will see him in Alaska on his leave. His deployment should be over by next fall. I truly believe he is an asset to the military world and I am proud of his work. Now I just have to make it through the next few days.. I may not let him leave :(

Side note: we hit our 7 mo anniversary on the 15th. Thats my longest non-highschool not interuppted by long distance relationship thus far. Figures he deploys :P God speed Justin.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Wednesday = Friday

I'm at work right now. I have a pretty large office. Its actually a living room with two desks (one for me and the other for the interns. My desk is currently covered in sticky notes and reminders, a stack of tracking forms to update and file, piles of children's books, school suppiles and children's artwork. My Diploma from undergrad is hanging on the wall and very conspicuously above it there is a nail hammered in waiting to be the home of my diploma for my master's. Which I will have in no less than 10 days and however long it takes for them to mail it to me.

Today is my last day of work before my time off. Tomorrow will be spent packing and working on my presentation which.. honestly.. I have not even started working on. I will be printing out copies of my portfolio and thesis, making sure everything is in order and spending some time with the boyfriend before heading out on Saturday morning. I will be gone for 8 days returning on the 14th. Justin deploys on the 20th or so. At that point I will be a very happily graduated and sadly lonely girl. It will be strange and wonderful.

I have been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I need to have done before I leave work at the end of the day. I can't really figure it out. I mean I could file my tracking forms but its not really necessary. All my programming is ready. I've emailed everyone I need to, made the phone calls I need to confirm my presenters, reserved rooms, updated my bosses, turned in my reports early and advised my participants of my absence.

One of two things will happen as I leave the office for over a week:

Either I will have everything so prepared and ready that things will be a breeze and they will be grateful I didn't leave things a mess.


I will come back to them begging that I never leave again.

I do my job well. I know it. They know it. To bad this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. Graduating is making the wheels start turning again about what I want to do with my life, and what God is planning for me. I am excited about my calling here at work. I have two goals:
* Gain experience working in a non-profit learning how to write grants, track info for grants, facilitate presentations and workshops, become a part of the racial justice institute facilitators
* Create a sustainable system for this job position so that whoever takes over for me will already have a system in place that works and works well. This is a stepping stone job. The pay is not good enough to keep someone here too long, and the stress is high. BUT it is great experience for entry level grads.

So those are my goals. By May at my one year evaluation. I will look back and see those goals accomplished. However. I'll start looking for other positions and work at that point as well. I am ready to start taking bigger steps towards the non profit I want to open and although I am not going to quit my full time job to do that, I am making choices and steps to get closer to that dream and vision.

I took a nap with the cats at Justins yesterday. I miss them. I'll be happy to have them back when he deploys. I will admit though that I like him better than the cats.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Woah buddy.. take a moment.

I just realized it has been months... actual months.. possibly SEASONS since my last post. Thus.. an update....

It is November. I'm still living in El Paso. I had my evaluation at work like 3 months ago and I'm still working here. I am loving my job for the most part and at the very least happy about my goals with it. I have high hopes for improving the lives of these women, this organization and just an overall great sense of accomplishment. Despite all of that I am also starting to look again towards the future of Phyllisdom and what God's true vision is for my life. which leads me to an announcement...

I fly out to Philadelphia on Friday to party with my sister then drive up to Vermont to go present my capstone and graduate!! WOOOHOOO. Bonus= Katy, Aaron, Layli and a few others I adore will also be in town so I couldn't be happier. Bummer= I still don't have housing and I'm struggling to figure out my rental car situation but God will provide, things will work out. No biggie.

Next big update:.
Justin and I are still dating. We celebrated 6 months a few weeks ago and things are still going well. He is an amazing man with a great heart and a passion for life. He treats me well, keeps me on my toes and doesn't let me go crazy. Best of all he doesn't make me get all stubborn and nutso. hahah.. Thats new! Anyway.. He deploys on November 20 or so and Becky and I will be moving into his house and taking over his lease. So Becky and I are looking for a third roommate to join us and split the rent. We had a girl but she backed out last minute so we're trying to figure it out now. It'll work out. No biggie.

Health update:
Things are going better now. I went to the doctors now that I have insurance and she's been testing me for a lot of different things including seeing if any of the family related stuff may be causing some of my symptoms. So in the past like two months I have had more tests and appointments than I can remember. I also went to the allergist which sounds like the treatment will be miraculous. He basically outright told me he can't believe I have lived with my symptoms this long. I guess I never realized how sniffly/sneezy/coughy I was since I moved to texas. He also said he thinks my crazy hives are caused by my allergies being so nuts all the time. So I start allergy shots as soon as I can afford to pay 400 bucks upfront. I was hoping that would be this month but now with the cost of flying out to graduate I am putting it off until december. I've lived with it for 6 years another month won't kill me.

I have two kittens. They are wonderful. They are now Charlie's (Justin's cats) new stepbrothers . I'll post pictures later. I should probably go work again.