Winter Song

This is one of the songs that make me excited to learn guitar.. which I now have time to do. Next step? Get someone to harmonize with.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUO0gd7cr9o

Spaghetti Brain

Well since I have last posted. I have graduated. You are officially reading the writing of Phyllis Chill M.A. Should I change my card? I kind of liked Phyllis Chill BA more because it made me feel like I could convince people it meant Bad Ass and kick them in the shins. Maybe not.

Today my brain is spaghetti. Masters or not I have zero work ethic and no brain capacity. I have done zilch in the office today except print out a few reports and sort some school supplies. I have lots of things I should be doing but zero desire to do it. I've lost my gumption. Could I have it back?

Part of the craziness is the emotional rollercoaster that is the next few days of my life. I am happy to be done with school, but I don't know what to start doing first. Plus my time is spent with Justin who deploys on Monday. VERY SAD FACE. I will miss him more than I want to think about and openly admit. Ok I admit it.

I told someone the other day that when I get stressed or emotional or well lets face it hormonal.. I tend to get what i call spaghetti brain. Where a thousand different thoughts swirl around and make no sense in my mind at all. Then I end up making stupid conclusions and decisions and end up super irrational and even more emotional than before. One of the things that I love about Justin is that with a word or a hug or a joke all the spaghetti straightens out and my head is clear. Or he just says Phyllis you are being irrational.. and I go Oh!! yeah ok. There are few people in the world that don't make me stubborn: my sister, brooke, and daniel .. and now Justin. Thats pretty exciting because the list isn't long and its hard to find. Praise God that he puts people in our lives who get us.

On a less selfish note.. Justin leaves on Monday morning deploying to Iraq. I will worry about him and pray for him but he has assured me that he will come home and I will see him in Alaska on his leave. His deployment should be over by next fall. I truly believe he is an asset to the military world and I am proud of his work. Now I just have to make it through the next few days.. I may not let him leave :(

Side note: we hit our 7 mo anniversary on the 15th. Thats my longest non-highschool not interuppted by long distance relationship thus far. Figures he deploys :P God speed Justin.

Wednesday = Friday

I'm at work right now. I have a pretty large office. Its actually a living room with two desks (one for me and the other for the interns. My desk is currently covered in sticky notes and reminders, a stack of tracking forms to update and file, piles of children's books, school suppiles and children's artwork. My Diploma from undergrad is hanging on the wall and very conspicuously above it there is a nail hammered in waiting to be the home of my diploma for my master's. Which I will have in no less than 10 days and however long it takes for them to mail it to me.

Today is my last day of work before my time off. Tomorrow will be spent packing and working on my presentation which.. honestly.. I have not even started working on. I will be printing out copies of my portfolio and thesis, making sure everything is in order and spending some time with the boyfriend before heading out on Saturday morning. I will be gone for 8 days returning on the 14th. Justin deploys on the 20th or so. At that point I will be a very happily graduated and sadly lonely girl. It will be strange and wonderful.

I have been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I need to have done before I leave work at the end of the day. I can't really figure it out. I mean I could file my tracking forms but its not really necessary. All my programming is ready. I've emailed everyone I need to, made the phone calls I need to confirm my presenters, reserved rooms, updated my bosses, turned in my reports early and advised my participants of my absence.

One of two things will happen as I leave the office for over a week:

Either I will have everything so prepared and ready that things will be a breeze and they will be grateful I didn't leave things a mess.

OR

I will come back to them begging that I never leave again.

I do my job well. I know it. They know it. To bad this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. Graduating is making the wheels start turning again about what I want to do with my life, and what God is planning for me. I am excited about my calling here at work. I have two goals:
* Gain experience working in a non-profit learning how to write grants, track info for grants, facilitate presentations and workshops, become a part of the racial justice institute facilitators
* Create a sustainable system for this job position so that whoever takes over for me will already have a system in place that works and works well. This is a stepping stone job. The pay is not good enough to keep someone here too long, and the stress is high. BUT it is great experience for entry level grads.

So those are my goals. By May at my one year evaluation. I will look back and see those goals accomplished. However. I'll start looking for other positions and work at that point as well. I am ready to start taking bigger steps towards the non profit I want to open and although I am not going to quit my full time job to do that, I am making choices and steps to get closer to that dream and vision.

I took a nap with the cats at Justins yesterday. I miss them. I'll be happy to have them back when he deploys. I will admit though that I like him better than the cats.

Woah buddy.. take a moment.

I just realized it has been months... actual months.. possibly SEASONS since my last post. Thus.. an update....

It is November. I'm still living in El Paso. I had my evaluation at work like 3 months ago and I'm still working here. I am loving my job for the most part and at the very least happy about my goals with it. I have high hopes for improving the lives of these women, this organization and just an overall great sense of accomplishment. Despite all of that I am also starting to look again towards the future of Phyllisdom and what God's true vision is for my life. which leads me to an announcement...


I GRADUATE NEXT WEEK!
I fly out to Philadelphia on Friday to party with my sister then drive up to Vermont to go present my capstone and graduate!! WOOOHOOO. Bonus= Katy, Aaron, Layli and a few others I adore will also be in town so I couldn't be happier. Bummer= I still don't have housing and I'm struggling to figure out my rental car situation but God will provide, things will work out. No biggie.


Next big update:.
Justin and I are still dating. We celebrated 6 months a few weeks ago and things are still going well. He is an amazing man with a great heart and a passion for life. He treats me well, keeps me on my toes and doesn't let me go crazy. Best of all he doesn't make me get all stubborn and nutso. hahah.. Thats new! Anyway.. He deploys on November 20 or so and Becky and I will be moving into his house and taking over his lease. So Becky and I are looking for a third roommate to join us and split the rent. We had a girl but she backed out last minute so we're trying to figure it out now. It'll work out. No biggie.

Health update:
Things are going better now. I went to the doctors now that I have insurance and she's been testing me for a lot of different things including seeing if any of the family related stuff may be causing some of my symptoms. So in the past like two months I have had more tests and appointments than I can remember. I also went to the allergist which sounds like the treatment will be miraculous. He basically outright told me he can't believe I have lived with my symptoms this long. I guess I never realized how sniffly/sneezy/coughy I was since I moved to texas. He also said he thinks my crazy hives are caused by my allergies being so nuts all the time. So I start allergy shots as soon as I can afford to pay 400 bucks upfront. I was hoping that would be this month but now with the cost of flying out to graduate I am putting it off until december. I've lived with it for 6 years another month won't kill me.

Last...
I have two kittens. They are wonderful. They are now Charlie's (Justin's cats) new stepbrothers . I'll post pictures later. I should probably go work again.

Monthly Report

Wow sorry things have been a bit crazy. It is almost one month since my last post and there is a lot to update.

Today I am swimming in hives. It is awful I took my first day off of work since I started and I hated every minute of it. I am covered in bug bites and/or hives varying from teeny to oreo size bumps. I don't know what bug might have caused it and the meds the doctor gave me were ineffective so I spent my day groggy in a sweltering bed (due to lack of AC still) for no freakin reason. I spent 75 bucks at the clinic, 50 on meds, and I missed a day of work which is about 80 bucks. Pissed = Me.

Other than that.. Work is going really well. I love my job though it is tiring and frustrating sometimes. It has been a long week and its only tuesday. but it should improve soon. I have my first evaluation soon and I am nervous. I feel like I am doing a good job but there is still a lot to learn. Friday night is my first outside of work social function so that will be fun.

Things with Justin are going well. Relaxed, no pressure but still healthy and productive. We spend a lot of time being active, relaxing and cooking. He is super encouraging, responsible, and a big ol sweet heart. We don't really know where we are at, and his deployment looms ever nearer in the future, but overall things are going well and I am happy.

I have been learning a lot lately about things I never thought I would learn, wishing I had more of a social services/social work/sociology background. I am thinking about takinga class or two at UTEP once I finish my masters. I can't imagine not having school outside of work. :)

On that note.. looks like the graduation will be pushed back to november. I just can't imagine finishing in August. I only have a month left and haven't even really taken a hard look at the thesis. Grrr.. Oh well. The bonus is that I might come to Coast Guard Festival in Michigan!

Week of May 18.

Its hump day. And I'm feelin it.. I tired.

Monday was a good day. Spent the day pulling together education resources which was good because I had a participant asking about nursing programs in the afternoon. Thank the Lord for all of my family and friends who have gone through that process. It is by far one of the more popular routes here since you can get your CNA and GED at the same time and build up towards the rest as you go. See I know what I'm talking about! WOOT! After that I got called into one of the caseworkers offices to connect with a new resident. She is pretty awesome and I can't say much because everything is confidential obviously but I am excited to be doing what I am doing. I'll be working closely with some of the other caseworkers and they have all been so nice. A great balance of being patient as I settle in as well as spurring me to take initiative as well. Adan, our administrator was so sweet today. He is excited to hear what projects I have in mind. I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't really there yet. I still sort of feel like I am playing catch up, but that I am almost caught up!

Tuesday I had a few different meetings and some good news about some of the ladies achievements and graduations! I am excited to start being a part of the process when that happens in the future. I had my first one on one with the new resident and signed my first real people papers. Last night I worked with the kids to make a thank you card for the rotary club and although I was a little surprised at the messy (but totally kid made) outcome Clemencia was so excited about it today! So that was good. She was impressed and I felt capable once again. As I left work a bunch of the kids I had met the previous week came up and said miss phyllis we missed you! I almost cried I was so happy. I get paid to be loved on and to love on others. What could be better? Cute little Baruc screamed Lator Gator as I walked out. I deftly answered After awhile Crocodile.. tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I love my job.

Today was a long but also a great day. I had my first offsite meeting with Shadecie at the Region 19 Homeless and Migrant Org. They run a summer camp that I'll be intimately involved in. Most importantly I get to go on field trips with the kids which means the Zoo, Bowling, Putt Putt and some weird place named BoB-Os. In the meeting we could not get "rafael" to pronounce it.. We thought he was saying Bubbles or bobbles or bo-bos. Finally when I got to the office I looked it up. Indeed it is called Bob-Os . Apparently they have lazer tag. Hurrrrah!! I get to play for a living. After that I worked in the front office most of the afternoon. I still don't know to many answers and I have to forward a lot of calls but I really enjoy the interaction I get with the Participants and staff. I get to play with babies and teach people on the computer, sign paperwork and do my own stuff when it gets slow. We had crazy donations today including two pallets of bananas, a lasagna, salads, cupcakes and a bunch of clothes. It was crazy!!

So today was a good day. I got home and crashed for a bit. I had every intention of studying tonight but I can't figure out where to start. I need UTEP library/internet to find sources because all the ones I want are nowhere to be found. So. Procrastination continues. I will hopefully move in to the new apartment next week with becky and be walking distance to the school so I can finish my paper. Deadline: May 31st for paper three. Outline of Thesis by June 15. We'll see if that happens. Yipe!

Days Three and Four + Training.

Day Three: Thursday May 14.

What did I do Thursday? I spent the day compiling contacts. I now have a rather exhaustive list of all my contacts from all the brochures and random lists I had found in my computer files left by previous ECD Specialists. It is frustrating to reorganize but I'm starting to feel better. It took a good part of my day and I don't know if it was that effective but hopefully it will be. In the afternoon Clemencia was like so are you ready for Life Skills tonight? AKA do you have childrens activities ready? Uhhhh... no. Why? Because I was not aware I would be responsible for it the FIRST WEEK. Then she was like don't worry we didn't expect you to quite yet.. PHEW. BUT you do have to get the rooms set up and ready to go. SO I started with that. Getting the water and snacks and things ready. Picking books etc. I was lucky enough to be in the room with the older Kids. I had: Cy, Al, An, Je, Ma, Al, Ba and one other girl who's name has gone. I'm trying very hard to learn names around here and failing miserably. It was a lot of fun though. The older girl.. Jessica I think... was a lot of help and we connected by pop up books. All I had was paper scissors and crayons so we made bird mask popups and she was so intrigued by how to make a simple popup. It was a lot of fun. One of the little girls kept cutting out squares, drawing door knobs and saying she made me doors. Which made me laugh. Then she had me draw a cupcake so I wrote in the card, Cupcakes are sweet and so are you.. She then made me a card with a cake and wrote ver batim: Christmas merry sweet to you have cake. I busted out laughing and gave her a big hug. No Idea. Loved it. Posted it on my wall.

Friday May 15:
Today was allll computers. I spent the entire day looking up job listings and printing them out. Nothing too exciting just trying to find the best sites for el paso. Sadly the El Paso Times website didn't work and they usually have the most up to date and legitimate job postings. Its fun to sort of be comfortable with this part because I spend my month of job searching myself. The hard part is that a lot of these women barely have there GED or don't have it so my searching focus is a lot different. I have to look for hourly skilled jobs for basically the equivalent education of a 16 year old, or an 18 year old. Some of the women have some college but some don't. I had to mark a lot of the ones for UTEP and EPCC as BA/MA required so they don't waste their time.

Reflections this week:
I am flip flopping between feeling competent, and feeling so tiny. It is because these women are so incredible. They are taking steps to improve their lives and they are so humble and sweet, yet hard and independent. I had a conversation with one of the women Lo. She is in the process of taking her gen Eds at EPCC in hopes to get a CNA by the time she leaves. After that she wants to pursue teaching with the money she is making as a CNA. I don't know how thats going to work quite yet but we'll have our first official meeting in a week or two. Either way she was so excited about this class she just finished her exams for. The teacher was proud of her and praised her in front of the other students. Papers that would take a middle class freshman 20 minutes takes her hours because she is not used to formal typing,writing, english, research etc. But she did it, with kids and work and all sorts of issues to deal with. These are the types of situations I'll be working with and I am already excited for my first graduation party.

But why do I feel competent/incompetent? I am that college freshman who grew up writing papers in twenty minutes. I can do my job and do it well. I am 24 with an almost masters, no kids, a full time job, benefits, a car, and a support system. But I had it so easy. How can I tell these women everything will be fine when I don't know if they'll pass their GED? Not because they are dumb, but because the system asks you to use a type of english they are not used to. I was reading a book called Understanding Poverty that talks about how students from low to very low income grow up with the social rules of their class which often excludes the formal register of speech required for success in the middle class. Think of life at work. When you have conversations with your friends, your conversations require their interaction. Every conversation is like a story being told.. Then so and so.. do you believe it? But when we switch to business or school the tone changes.. or register as this book calls it. You switch to a formal register. So and so has this job to do and will finish it by this time. Thank you, Sincerely Phyllis. This is the register that is a required rule for success in the middle class, but a register that most low to very low class families rarely use or have access to. The education system is based on the median "culture" aka the middle class culture and its rules. Which means low class students go to school in a middle class culture, and are required to learn the invisible cultural rules of that class in order to pass the tests. Think of testing: ALL IN THE FORMAL REGISTER. GED=FORMAL REGISTER. Applications, job interviews, job descriptions, course listings, everything needed to succeed in the middle class.. or any class.. requires use of a type of english that most of the women at the center don't really have access to.

So that leaves me with a question. How can I use what I know to benefit them?

Saturday May 16th:
My Training was this weekend!!!
I am not going to say to much right now because I'll be spending my day processing and I don't want to get into that brain right now but I will say it went very very well thanks to becky and peggy for all their help. My spanish was relatively rough but the activities we did helped a lot because instead of presenting content they could read it and we could explain it to the groups in more depth. It was so hard and so challenging but went very well! A lot of the women left very grateful and excited to use their new information. Success!