Sunday, February 25, 2007


So this weekend was an interesting one. Friday night and saturday morning were dedicated to studying. I wrote a term paper.. got some research done. It was a good time. We had our house filled with fam and friends. It was fun.. and a little strange. Couples galore. Its weird when you arent angry your roommates are couply, but you are frustrated because you dont want to WANT that. I dont. Im finally ok and completely at peace with being single. Im ready to move on the next phase of my life. I just get frustrated when I have to be surrounded by it. Thus I chose to spend a lot of my weekend time studying in my room or at the library. I wish you all good things, but seeing the ooey gooey just makes me want to leave.. so I did and will continue to do so.

I also find myself in a weird emotional predicament. I am catching myself detaching from friends. Its because I am moving in three months. When I really look at it, I dont intend to return to texas for anything other than really important weddings, or funerals. Its sad I know.. but Im not going to lie to myself. This mindset makes one look at the importance of priorities and the use of the little energy left. Im at the point where I am realizing that I dont need to invest without return into friends. It is kind of sad, but Ive been here before. Giving and giving, without return is like being friends with a black hole, and not worth it. I have left and been left a lot in my life, and you start to figure out what and who is worth the time. I love my roommates and friends, but there are few that I feel have ever invested in me as much as I try to invest in them. Maybe.. MAYBE a handful. Thats not surprising for me. I dont tend to have more than a few good friends at a time. The point of this is I see myself detaching from the people who havent been investing in me. I dont have a lot to give, but what I do have isnt worth just handing out to anyone. My struggle is that I do want to love all my friends like God does, but it has been difficult to be refreshed and renewed by black holes.

I hope I am not hurting anyones feelings, but its gotta be out there. I love you all, and I will do anything for you. However, I feel like Ive been trying to force people to listen to my issues. Screw it. God listens better and has better advice. Ill take my handful for now.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Let the Trumpets Sound!

It turns out that I am going to Grad School in the fall.. School for International Training. I forgot the lovely feeling of people going.. What school? Where? Never heard of it.. this is much akin to the reactions to me going down to Texas for Undergrad. But look how well that turned out!!!

So now I am hoping to live with my sister in Philadelphia for the summer working and nannying for her. Then up to Vermont for scary hard Grad school in September.

The most important aspect of this all: I am leaving Abilene in about 4 months.

1. Glad to leave Abilene, despite its quirks, I am very glad.
2. Brattleboro, Vermont is GORGEOUS and very small. Itll be like my very own lil stars hollow.
3. Sad to leave roommates and friends, but glad to meet new people again.
4. SO pumped to be able to spend time with my sister. I just hope it doesn't lead to conflicts or frustrations. We live completely different lives. Im ok with that, but there's gonna be some pressure and issues for me personally with feeling inadequate, or the opposite in feeling superior. I just can't wait to see what God has for me, hopefull at the very least ill get to work at a Barnes and Noble again.
5. Im trying to convince Phil Jacobs to move up there too. Hahah. how fun would that be? and it would be nice to have an ally in the Christian department, as well as just an amigo.
6. This is the beginning of the end educationally speaking. WOOT.
7. I can start being the outdoorsie girl again. Mountains, climbing, skiing, hiking, TREEEES!
8. FOUR SEASONS. yes that is SUMMER FALL WINTER SPRING.. oh lovely.
9. Change. Period.