Ehem.. oops again..

I am so bad at this game. SO I thought that I had changed my settings so my "notes" don't upload to facebook. Thanks amber for commenting and proving to me that yup they do.

SO:

SORRY if any of the people who read it are offended. hehe.. You guys really have been supportive of me all year long and it was more of a general huff than towards any particular person. I think the silver lining outlook is expected.. I just don't want to see it yet.. :)

I leave tomorrow afternoon for MN!!! WOOT!

I am frustrated with people who think it is their job to pretend they know the "bright side" of a shitty situation. Can't you let me be angry for a minute? upset? hurt? sad? just for a minute? I'll get to the bright side eventually but life does always have to be about the "good side" of shit. I think silver linings are a cop out for people who don't know how to feel the bad stuff too. I embrace the crappy side of life.

So bummed about my sister's surgery stuff.. they didn't find anything so we are back to square one I guess. I have so much respect for that girl.. she is so strong.

I leave for Minneapolis tomorrow afternoon. I only just got my I9 signed/notarized and I am hoping the lady didn't mess it up. but whatever.

I have been brainstorming and thinking about some of the things I want to be doing this summer. Some team rituals, ideas, organizational etc. I started pulling together my planner for th esummer and I think it will work nicely. I'll test drive it this weekend/month and see how it goes.

I am such an impatient person- I am trying to work on it.

TOT is gonna rock my face off.

I took a fabnap today.

Target was amazing too.

I got my Timbuk2 bag in the mail.

IM MOVING TO OKLAHOMA THIS SUMMER! I got my site placement.. I'll be living here:

I'll be living on the Osage tribe reservation in Oklahoma this summer leading trips with Youthworks. Pretty crazy that I'll be down south, but it will be a great experience!

www.osagetribe.com

Oh Beautiful Day.

Today was fantastic. End of story. Rainy, quesadillas, and great conversation. Renewal.

POPUPS!

So today I had my training and it was so much fun. I felt pretty good about it, we made a collaborative pop-up book and individuals too, although we needed way more time for that part but I couldn't ask for four hours ofcourse. It was a lot of fun and everyone was great. They were all surprised at how simple it was once they got going. Such creative minds!

Now I am uber exhausted, and ready for bed despite having no dinner. I'll munch some cereal and swig a DP but otherwise get me to bed!

Sent in my contract.

Assignments: Mid-states region. Thats all I know :)

Big News.

So today I had my interview with Youthworks and it was amazing. I think Rita, my interviewer, and I should be friends :) It lasted about two hours and consisted of everything from updates since my last summer, to scenarios, "strengths and weaknesses", how do you strengthen your faith questions, leadership styles and decision making, how to work in a team, why you want to work with youthworks, etc. I felt very confident in my answers and felt like I was accurately conveying my leadership style, experience and understanding of youthworks and their values. I was highly impressed with the transitions they are trying to make into a more social justice based realm of content and education rather than skin-deep ministry which is typically self serving and short term. The work they are beginning to work with will have lasting impact and hopefully inspire action plans in the future. For my SJ project I am going to write a proposal/position paper about where I think Youthworks should be moving and what my ideal of their organization would look like based on my understanding of Education for Social Justice. This will tie directly to my desire to begin an organization like Youthworks, but one that is more effective in lasting and longterm impact on both community and youth serving. The job is pretty exciting, great compensation, and the skills I will develop are going to be so helpful in rounding out my resume. I am hoping to move into an Area Director position in the fall and continue on with them for my practicum, but I am not sure if that will happen.

The weird part right now is much like my situation when I was in Uruguay (last time I was in this application proces swith them for my summer in Juarez). I have no idea where they might place me. I know that it won't be Mexico or Puerto Rico, it will probably be either a rural or smalltown site, or a native american reservation. I told her I wasn't sure about working on the native american reservations because I didn't know youthworks' history with those sites. She said from their standpoint all of the sites youthworks is on, abroad and domestic, they have been invited into by the community. They typically have contacts within those communities, or groups who have been on trips elsewhere have contacts, and they are invited to come work with them. She said they first and foremost have worked with the tribal councils to make sure that the work they are doing is something that would meet community needs, and then the did networking within that community to connect with other churchs and possible resources in the area before coming in. Although I am still working through what it means to be a somewhat evangelistic group coming into this type of a situation, I appreciate their process and understanding of that need in the first place. It calmed some of my fears.

the point. YAY!

So now I am trying to get work done early so that I can go on my training next weekend to MN, figure out what I'll need to buy in the next few weeks, and get organized for the summer! WOOT!

My interview went well but I am not sure I'll take it if they offer it. The position is only 3 weeks long, and it may overlap with other possibilities. Apart from that the interview was good practice, and we'll see what happens. They were very flexible about timing and my own needs to fulfill the program so perhaps it will work out.

I am still waiting to hear from the job in El Paso, but I did find out that Samaritan's Purse got my application, they should be contacting me in the next few weeks. I also sent my stuff to Youthworks on a whim. I worked with them in Juarez and they had some openings so I thought I might as well. Within an hour they got back to me hoping to get me into the short term and long term processes. They have some site director positions open for the summer but I would have to commit to it by April 27. Their Area Director positions are more interesting to me, but they recommended the site director position as a possible lead-in to the the full-time work later. I understand but man thats quick! I'd have to fly out to Minneapolis for training May 2-4 and be there by May 27 for the whole summer. YIKES. So once again we'll see what happens. I am just letting everything settle down and see what comes up :)

My Desk.

My interview is in 40 minutes. Exactly. I woke up early today after a weird restless night, grabbed a shower and here I am. Sitting at my desk still covered in work from last night, papers I prepped for the interview, ipod, camera, keys, pop bottles, sunglasses, planner, stapler, pens and assorted writing utensils, ibuprofen, my bible and random post-its everywhere. The latest addition is my landline. It has been neatly tucked away in the abyss of my room since noone even had the number. I think the only people who do now are Daniel and the CEP people. Well SIT people too but they don't use it. I did my bible reading today and it calmed me a bit but I don't even remember what I read.

Listening to Pandora again. I heart this station, I really do.

So I am annoyed at myself- Typically when making big life decisions I pick the one I like the most, go for it and let it work itself out. This time is different because I applied to so many different things that I like in different ways that I just have no clue what I would choose. SO that is going to make this interview awkward. "Oh and btw you guys are the lowest on my list of jobs I actually want.. well second to last next to that IE position in San Francisco, and but I def want to do the IE, Sams and compassion positions before this one. " Yeah.. hmm.. maybe not that way eh?

Hey guys.

This weekend was pretty great. Thursday was a success and I feel like I can officially say things with Josh are no longer hell. haha.. no seriously he came to the potluck for ASL on Thursday and we were able to have some great casual catching up conversations, joke a bit and it was completely fine. I know it will still be a little weird for a bit, but at least it isn't anger or any of that. I think anyway :) Afterwards their was a fundraiser at Mole's Eye put together by one or two of the Janeway ladies so we went to support! It was hysterical. It ended up being karaoke night at the bar and it was majority SIT students. It was fun to just sit around and chat with people, although it reminded me why I like going to local shows, cafes etc. I missed being able to actually talk to people. Most of the time we go out and dance. Which is fine but you can't really have a good conversation with people while shakin your groove thang.

I missed class Friday morning- not a good choice since she talked about our project, but atleast I found out that I should be able to use my lesson plan for CEP for it (ed for SJ.. pretty much the same as CEP)

Friday afternoon it was 82 degrees! Yikes! Class with Ken was HORRIBLE. Hot, boring, frustrating. We did have a good conversation about Critical Resistance and prison abolition which I really like. That is the organization we are going to work with in New Orleans at the end of the year so our group is using them for our projects.

Saturday was a lazy start, but I DID manage to go eat both lunch and dinner in the IC. That has been a rough thing for me this year. I can't stand half the food. but in the spirit of saving dad some cash, I am trying really hard this week not to spend money. It has been rough. I finished my TSA group paper, my templates and models, my Training Abstract and overall rough Design. I almost finished my I Am From piece, although I am not super happy with the latest scene, but it'll do. I am trying to incorporate different types of media into them, so I used mags and photos a bit. I don't know that it fits with the rest of them but whatever.

I listened to Pandora all night, man I love that website. I had this great mix of funky music going.. Kimya Dawson (Juno Soundtrack), Adele, Sara Bareilles, Kate Nash, Nael Yaim, Natasha Bedingfield, The Owls, Kate Voegele, Britt Nicole, KT Tunstall, Grace Potter, Mirah, Anne McCue, Colbie Caillat, the list goes on. They threw in some Jack Johnson, DMB, the Fray, Lauren Hill, Jojo, Amy Winehouse,... Awesomeness.

Today I am writing my Ethics in ICC paper. BOOOOO I thought it was due tuesday.. its due tomorrow morning .. before my INTERVIEW.

VERY BOO. So instead of writing most of it today and then finishing it tomorrow so I can have time to prepare for my interview.. I'll be spending ALL day writing it. I suck at this. I am very disorganized this semester.

Civic Education Project

Things in the works:

I got an email from the Civic Education Project through Northwestern Univ. They want to interview me for the teaching assistant position for their summer programs. Its a pretty good deal. Chicago. 2500/4wks. networking, experience. Room and board etc. It would probably mean not going on the Mexico trip in late June. and I won't hear back from other positions for awhile. Either way I will interview and pull together the requested lesson plan (no clue where to start on that) and proceed with all intentions of filling the position. I mean really- thats good bank for a summer job. $5000 after expenses? true.

I REALLY need to just get this Samaritan's Purse internship stuff in the mail. It is in my backpack in an envelope ready to go.. but not yet gone.

I found out that my Compassion International App didn't ever get sent BOO. So I finally sent it. The actual job position there is not yet reviewed.

The Border Studies Program stuff is all sent- they started reviewing things the other day.

I sent a Resume to University of San Francisco on a whim. Its a pretty crappy year long rm/brd only internship in the IE dept but it would be SOMETHING if all else fails.

I still haven't decided about Project Serve.

I am waiting on Lydia for Myles Fish's contact info at International Aid. Gonna see if he has anything for me there.

Also looking at worldvision, worldservants, youthworks, madventurer, among others- just keeping eyes open.

So... I am job searching. And I am trying to be prayerful and serious about where I apply. I don't want to just apply and then turn down stuff. Eric Kelly said he has a job in mind for me with Youth for Christ, and that he can pass my resume along for me.. It is weird though. I have this weird thing about it because part of the salary is through support raising and I don't know how I feel about that. Number one I don't know that I have enough people who would "support" me, and secondly I just don't know how I feel about people being my "salary". Given it is only 1/2 salary but thats still al ot of money to be raising annually. On the other hand I sort of like the idea of people being involved in my work. It is an interesting thing in ministry, especially missions. The idea that people want to contribute monetarily to contribute to service when they themselves may not be able to do the work. Like people sending money so you can go on a trip to mexico- they themselves can't take off the week but they are given an opportunity to be a part of the work through support. So I don't know. I guess I am stuck on what to do. I was looking at the programs again and starting to think its not as bad as I thought. I also looked at the position that is open and its pretty awesome, and in Englewood, CA. So I don't know. I guess I need some wisdom. The other thing I am weird about is that although I am applying to all sorts of things (that I am ACTUALLY interested in, not just eVERYTHING like some people I know) I feel like if I tell him to put out my resume that I can't really turn it down if I get the offer, and that would be an insult to ... blah blah blah.. grr.. So this is me venting because I am a poor little educated girl with connections to great jobs and too many options. :)

Goodnight. I need sleep. PS> I am in Ann Arbor, I WILL get homework done this weekend, and I bought this amazing popup book- book.. ITS SOOOO COOL.. I am officially addicted.

Panera

SO this is funny. I am in Michigan.. but at panera. Yeah I can't escape it. Free internet.. thats all Im sayin. I am meeting russ in an hour and a half at Applebees and trying to figure out what I need to talk with him about. I don't want it to be another wishy washy convo.. but now IM the one who is lost. I applied to the few internships and jobs and I just don't know what I'll be doing. I was so set. But things change, life is about adaptation and following your heart right? So.. thats what I'm doing I guess.


MMMMmmmmm coffee

Capris.. just for spite.

I am willing it to be spring. No seriously I love spring, and I love this week of weather. Sort of like God is dangling a yo-yo and it represents the temperature changes.. a touch of cold, a touch of warm etc. Its sort of odd because I really appreciate it. I sort of see the beauty in it when I heard about the "sugaring" process- aka making maple syrup. Vermont's is the best around and apparently cold nights and warm days are what makes the sap "run". Interesting and fun.

I am off to FINGO tonight at Austine. Im not going to lie I am nervous. But not for fear of seeing Josh, rather- do I know my colors and numbers? haha.. seriously- Im nervous!!hahah.. I haven't been using it as much- not that Josh and I sat and counted together or anything. oh well!

I heart lightning.

Tonight it thunderstormed. I was napping- too exhausted and feeling unproductive to stay awake after dinner. I woke up at the startling thunder- I had cracked my window to the cool breeze that afternoon. The first thing I did was close my door turn off the lights. I tied off my curtain, and rearranged my pillows and blankets so I was cozied and basically hugging the window sill. The crushing sound of rain is so amazing. In my ears it is my favorite sound I think- refreshing, cleansing, dangerous. Rain is individual and collective, free, unchecked and all encompassing. It hits all the land, and has no issues with diversity. Rain quenches our thirst, and overruns our streets. I love it. There is something beautiful about warm spring rains. A lot of somethings actually. The lightning tonight was brilliant, literally! I didn't have contacts in, and I couldn't see much through the screen or trees, but I was blinded despite. The light penetrated the tree cover, and shocked my eyes closed no matter how hard I tried to keep them open. Sometimes I feel like lightning reaches our soul, that when you see it- God touches your soul and awakens your heart. He brings light to the dark crevices, the "dark and twisty" we all have inside. Where some fear lightning, I embrace it. I see God in lightning. For me that moment between the lightning and thunder is my repentance. God brings the light, I breathe in, out, and boom. I am clean, washed white, free, and hopeful once again. I haven't had a good storm in awhile. The storm was only a few miles away tonight, a few hit pretty close to home. At times I looked up at the tree outside my window and thought- if God wanted to, he could strike that tree and kill me in an instant. Why doesn't he? Not that I want to die, but what is it about our creator that he can be so merciful, so full of grace. I am only a girl. I am only a mistake-maker. I am only a child. I am only... his daughter. Ahhh.. maybe thats it. For today at least I see that I am His child, and that suffices my pain. I am not a mother, but I know what it is to be a daughter, especially His daughter.

So today the lightning brought me freedom. He broke the changes, cast off the burdens. I am His again, free and clear.

His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. Psalms 97:4

His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. Mathew 28:3

From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. Revelation 4:5

The voice of the LORD strikes with flashes of lightning. Psalm 29:7

Wink.

Feeling good about life again. Today was a somewhat productive day. A good day in class, email from the realtor lady, got my templates done for my training, I am about to start on work for tomorrow.. it is looking up :)

I found a few apartments that will take the cats too and only like 325/mo!! Hopefully they aren't too ghetto fab but its GH it cant be THAT ghetto.

Heard from Amber today- prayers that her hearing went better than it sounds..