Sunday, September 30, 2007

I am very tired.

It was a good night out tonight. My date with dave went well, had a lot of fun. Saw "Good Luck Chuck" which was funny if you can get past the extreme sex montages and nudity. If you can't, don't go see it. I think I would've liked it had it been less overt. We did up the minigolf.. there was a hole called "the deep dark hole" and your ball goes in the "cup" but it goes like deep and you cant see it. You have to reach into the hole to get it out. Dave was brave and let his go in first.. but at this point we didn't know they had it rigged so that every couple 'balls' a hand smacks around in the hole to freak you out. We asked later.. but I didn't even try it. I just moved on. My fear of garbage disposals held me back. dinner was good.. paninis at this place in keene called fritz's fries. Then the movie and after we went to this bar called 21 for a beer and I got this pomegranate martini that has already given me a headache an our later. it tasted good but still. Andrew cunningham was there. It was cool.... these guys are a lot of fun.. real chill to hang with. Made for a good relaxing weekend.

Tomorrow I go to church with Kiera, do some homework then off to frisbee and finishing up of the homework.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Good times..

Ive written about this before.. but I have been hanging out with this cool group of folks from Keene.. yup that includes you Andrew "Keene" Metell... I chilled out with him/them last night for a few hours and had a really good time. Its nice finding people you can just enjoy spending time with.. no strings, expectations or requirements (aka alcohol or "the best night ever"). I am still a little sick and it was nice to chill out, walk around, snag a slice, watch a good movie and just relax. I am also grateful for tea. mmm.. that was good.

Today began a little later than desired but so far the morning has been quite relaxing. A little studying, some cleaning, stretching, munching. Real chill. This evening Dave and I are going out to play some mini-golf then off on some adventure I am unaware of but thoroughly excited for. Seems like a cool dude with his head on straight. I get a kick out of grounded creativity so we'll see how it goes.

Tomorrow morning Kiera and I are checking out a church together. She seems like she is in the same place I am as far as what we are looking for in a church so it should be fun to get to know her and try and find a place in the area. I crave fellowship and community. I know the point of SIT is to welcome diversity and thrive on the culture of differences, but I need some support. I am stressing out quickly and I need to get my mind and faith back in line a little. It has been awhile since I have just let it all go. I'm grateful His yoke is easy, and burden light, cuz I need to rest a little.

Dad is stressing me out. I'm going to just lay that out there. His solutions for my life are so frustrating, because they feel so contrary to who I am. I don't feel like he even begins to understand who I am and what I want for my life. Being here and learning about the different values frameworks has allowed me to be more patient, however it also brings to light the fact that he may never understand what is important to me because our basic values differ so strongly. I wonder how long it will take us to come to a point where it settles. He feels like I ignore everything he says, or purposefully goes the opposite direction. In some point I see that as true, not because what he says is bad inherently since it comes from him, but because our values are so different. The things he holds most dear are the things that mean the least to me. I don't need a successful lucrative job to take care of myself, be proud of myself and especially not to be happy. If thats what it takes to make him proud, than I'm sorry but that may never happen. I feel bad, but my happiness isn't going to come from making him proud, but rather what makes me respect myself. My joy comes in working hands on in the world, making change and doing what I can to improve the world one life at a time. If I do end up making a good amount of money, the majority of it will be spent allowing me to share that wealth, pay for travel, and not to gain respect or title. I would be content to get a job at barnes and noble, and work with the youth group as an intern/assistant. That work is enough for me. I hope that I can find a way to do something I love full time, but it is more important that I do what I love than to do something I hate and live "easily". My big dream, that I have stated here a few times, will probably leave me dirt poor for many many years. I will probably end up in debt for awhile. I guess part of me craves the challenge of it all. thats not the only reason, just a tiny portion.

Besides all that the only way it will be pulled off is if God is behind it. I am trying to get back to a point where I feel like I am trusting God with my education, future, family etc. I thnk I have been mad at God a little this summer. After Colorado, I struggled coming to him with Stuff.. I feel it in my attitude towards life. I don't like that.

Mom.. you sound like you are doing pretty good. I am happy.. i miss talking to you all the time. Ill try and call more often. I don't know how to pray for you any more. I do my best. I love you, I miss you, and you are on my heart. Be strong. I am so proud of you, what a great strong woman you are!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

sniffle. cough. sniffle. i hab a cohld.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

address.. i heart care packages.

Phyllis Chill
School for International Training
P.O. 676
Kipling Rd
Brattleboro, VT 05302

Send me stuff :P

Monday, September 24, 2007

First paper submitted. First Class attended. First night of intense reading? just beginning.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


I am approximately 15 minutes away from finishing and submitting my very first grad school paper. WOOT. slash.. im tired already.

On another note it was a great weekend. Spent friday doing nothing but sleeping and sitting in my room. My first night off from the craziness of class/going downtown/bonfires/roommate goodness/bridging the gap/team time/frisbee/ lawn camping/ and the list continues. I have had a lot of fun these first few weeks but I have learned a lot too. We all made fun of Organizational Behavior 1 (OB1) but despite its "obvious" and "simple" ideas, it was very interesting. We worked in a team of 5 students doing different tasks and eventually putting together a presentation and a team paper. My team was pretty great and we struggled to put our newfound education to task. It was a great class in teaching us how to be "aware of the process", another phrase we sort of joked about, meanwhile truly appreciating the information. But now the class is over, I have an 8 pg paper due tomorrow.. but I should be done here in a few. All I have left is formatting, bib page, and submission. Good times.

Tomorrow begins Fall II. My first class tomorrow is Theory and Practice of Social Justice in Intercultural Language aka TPIR. We are all about the acronyms up here. that doesnt start til after lunch so Ill be able to get some of my readings done in the morning. Assuming I go to bed early enough I won't sleep til lunch.

I played Frisbee in Keene today. Man it feels good to have something solid to look forward to outside of classwork. It was a great work out and it was good to see the guys. I joke about my talents as a "bridger". I have been trying to get to know people that go to the other schools in the area. Our school is so tiny and we have all realized and heard from alums that it only gets smaller and smaller as we spend every waking moment together. So I am doing my best to help us out. hahaha.. Right Andrew? hahah... I will throw it out there that we are also trying to up our male-female ratio. Its about 70% female here at SIT, and we are feelin it already.

Anyway. peace out to all. Ill let you know how courses go this week.

Friday, September 21, 2007


Ringin in the Good Times.

So here in Vermont I am living in Janeway dorm with a crew of women who rock my face off. So far we are a nice mix of personalities and it will be a blast of a semester. We are becoming well known for our fun spirit and always willing to have a good time whether it be a smashing game of Catchphrase or a night out on the town. So Word up to My Janeway Ladies. (Front L to R: Jennifer, Allison, Laura, Namiko, Jill. Back L to R: CeCe, Phyllis Katy. We are missing Caitlin and Akiko in this picture. We love them too!!!)

J DUBS!!!! (flash of gang symbol)

This is us all out at Friendly's for Jill's Birthday. Ya Laura definitely had some wicked spooning talent ;) Everyone was staring .. we liked it. Other casualties included Caitlin's oreo soup and Allison's suicidal ice cream cone. All in all a great celebration!

Me and Garret (sp?) at Moles Eye on Ladies/Salsa night. He is 21 years and 362 days old

Some more SIT kids at Mole's Eye

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

First class is going well... pretty busy. They leave us a good amount of time to chill out with people on campus. Which is where Im off to.. but I will update more tomorrow about the actual course etc.

and once it stops raining.. ill take pictures....

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Dad Time

Had an interesting weekend with dad. It was a good time for most of the weekend, i minor bout about the same old shit, but overall a good time. Got a new digital camera, and a few other things so that is exciting.

I am going to Keene,NH today to go play some disc with some people I met downtown/on campus. Should be fun, hopefully I won't be abducted or anything.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Yes Brattleboro is exit 1-3 in Vermont.. haha..
Just the beginning of gorgeous views to come.

OH YES. It says Moose Crossing.
You should be smiling now.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

So here I am in Beautiful Vermont. This campus is rediculous.. I don't have any pics yet, but Ill be getting a camera this weekend so the snapping will begin. It is hard to sit around and not just gasp at the nature surrounding. Besides that this campus is amazing in its diversity of students. We are all global citizens and travellers so it is super easy to get to know people. I am hoping to get to know Brattleboro a little more before classes start up but we got to see a little last night.

I took my spanish placement test today, hopefully Ill do french at some point this week though I dont plan on taking that as my language. Because I will probably fulfill my language requirement with Spanish, I am planning on taking Mandarin during the language courses. They aren't a load on top of other courses, it is free, and they are supposed to be great profs/courses to learn language. So it should be fun.

I am excited for Dad to come out to the campus this weekend and see it. He's going to be blown away.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Mixed Emotions

So tomorrow is the big day. Here's my plan.

6:30am: Wake up, shower, pack up remnants of my crap in jessie's room.
8:00am: Leave for VT via: 95N-287E-95N-91N... pretty simple.. plus no dealing with NYC.
1-3pm: Arrive in Brattleboro. Hopefully sooner than later... preferably with a pitstop at this mall on the way to see if they have a better winter clothes selection up in that area (Holyoke, MA).
5pm: settled in dorm, dinner and off to hang with already made new friends. There is some sort of a social that night after our dorm meeting.. but we'll see. Maybe some peeps will hit the town. Then again it will be Labor Day.. so it may be a ghost town. I bet walmart will be open across the river!! haha. Or maybe they will have a WAWA!!!!

For now, I am drying freshly dyed hair, watching heroes, and relaxing in an empty house.

Emotions rolling through me:

Nerves, anxiousness, excitement, disappointment, fear, hope, "feelings", frustration, gratefulness, sadness, impatience, unrest, uncomfort.


Ive done this before, no biggie
Oh shit this is the big one.
I wish, if only, oh well, what now, whatever.
God be with me.
I love family.
God is good.
I wish I knew the next step.
Am I ready?.. of course!.. well.. maybe
I want a hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, and an I love you.

These are the days when my desire for a serious relationship really hit me. God I wish I had a partner in life. Thats all I want. Someone to walk with me through the hard stuff, say you'll be fine, and also say I know you're scared, I can see it in you. I know you well enough to see it. Shit I wish I had someone near who could see how petrified and nervous I am. How did I do this last time? How did I go to undergrad so far away, with no fears whatsoever? Was I running? Part of me thinks four years seemed so long of a time that I didn't consider the end in sight. For me four years in one place meant having a home. I am serious about wishing I had someone.. I feel like if Steve was around he would be a comfort.. he's heard me whine and freak all summer long. But no he has to live a bejillion miles away.. sometimes I think long distance friends are useless. Almost as useless as long distance boyfriends. Almost. But if I didnt have long distance friends.. I would never have any friends. Cuz the people I am closest to always tend to live a few states away when I need them.

SHIT. Im scared. Im pumped as well. But Im nervous I am going to hate it, or suck, or hate the people, or get intimidated and hide in my little shell or something. SHIT.