Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Today was a slackers day..

I let my students out early from class today. Like we literally spied out the door til the professors left for lunch so they could go. I just had no incentive to pretend to teach them a thing. I like teaching. Its fun watching the students become excited about spanish, about something new and difficult. The majority of the students are a blast. They laugh at me and even sometimes my jokes, i can be real with them, but still kick their butts if they talk when im talking. Its been neat. I like leadership roles although I dont think teaching could ever be my full time job. Im just not THAT passionate about it. Teaching knowledge is difficult for me to do because I know how little I have learned from a lot of my classes. Teaching passion through experience is my thing. I want to bring the students into experiences that change their world enough that they want to be a part of something new and radical. Inspiring world changers is my niche in life. Everytime I get into leadership positions the same thing happens. I make connections, use my authority to gain respect not just obedience, and use it to get people excited to do their jobs well for themselves. That is work ethic, that is passion for the job, and I believe that is how God calls us to love others. Encouragement, passion, love, respect, joy in life. Everything comes back to the dream.. what a big dream. And everyday it becomes farther away, and closer too.
I cant believe this time next year Ill be a real person. Graduated, on my way to find a job wherever God takes me. I have finally trusted it to him. I have quit my job, quit trying to control my life, and given it over again.. every day I have to do it. but it happens. I love God, he has given me more life than I ever couldve asked for. He wisked me up out of some horrible situations and placed me on a rock! Set my feet upon a rock and now I KNOW HIM! God is soo good. I lost him for awhile there. Somewhere in the midst of wanting to marry stephen because he is such a good guy, and realizing that God has even bigger plans for my life I found him again. It had something to do with the faces of those beautiful children in Juarez. Of finding that comfort and strength in him against all odds, and despite my horrible disobedience.
God, I want to do your ministry, I want to instill your passion and worship you with my WHOLE life. Not just my weekends, or my hours volunteering, or my leadership. With my mornings, with my naps, with my preparation for teaching, with my tattoo(s) with my love for my roommates, dog, family, and new friends.

I wish i could play guitar. This is the time to write a song.. a psalm, a cry out to the lord!!!

My sister is buying a bible. It makes me want to cry to think about it. i have prayed for my family since the moment I met Jesus on that horrible and wonderful day back in middle school. 10 years of prayer, my sisters daughter wants to go to church because she found a rosary at her grandmas house and started asking about it. Amazing. My sister has been asking about Jesus for the past couple years, i think she is horrified and curious about my life choice to be a Christian and go to a Christian school. To not get drunk, or have sex. Those are the things she sees first .. but she also sees I am happy, and that my life would have dictated otherwise has something else not intervened to give me the strength I needed. I have made so many mistakes in my life, but despite my winters with God, he has always lured me back, because I am his child.

Mom is sick again, and it worries me. Mom you worry me. Dont feel guilty about it, I just love you so much and hate being away from you. I wish you would call me and talk to me when you arent feeling well. You dont have to say anything, I just want to feel like Im near you. I miss you all the time. I miss all my family. It was good to talk to my brother the other day. Andy you are a piece of work. I am crying in my pride for you and your accomplishments. I wish I couldve gone to your graduation. I am soo happy for you.

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