Saturday, June 24, 2006

Our house is still a sauna.. hotter than hades. Oh well... I can live with it.. it just doesnt give me much incentive to clean.. which is what needs to happen soon..

I decided I am giong to accept Robs latest job offering. He is going to pay me to do the scheduling, hiring and training at third rock. It shouldnt be too demanding and he is making it worth my while. Its weird having him work so hard to keep me around. It feels good but makes me nervous. I feel like a commodity.. and i dontknow if its good or bad.

I think ive decided to stop working at highlan and start looking for a church in the area that fits me better. I started going to highlan and working there when stephen and I were dating. I was trying to become more comfortable with the denomination and get to know it a little. That and a lot of the acu students go there.

Now that I have met soem of the hardin simmons students, im starting to itch to get back to going to church regularly, and one that inspires me and really ignites my faith. I like COC for its tradition, but my faith doesnt click with it enough to become a member. It makes me frustrated because it actually becomes a filter for people i date or dont date. If they are serious about staying COC i really have to think hard about whether or not its worth it. I know that sounds dumb, but I just dont relate to that perspective towards faith. Not that its wrong, its just not the person God has called ME to be.

I have really been working hard on trying to figure that out lately. In the past few weeks I am seeing that God has really big plans for me, and that he has been calling me to them for years. He has known my path and where I should be working towards. I have been ignoring that call for about 3 years now. Not that going to ACU was a mistake, it wasnt. However, I began to slip into the casual christian atmosphere and focused on school, then work, and through it all boys.

My focus is regaining. I am still interested in school, work and yes, those monsters called boys, however they are starting to be filtered through God first. He should be at the center and the rest will come together. Anyway thats what Im dealing with right now. Its rough but it is soooo much better than my sorry existence without my loving creator.

No comments: