So this weekend was an interesting one. Friday night and saturday morning were dedicated to studying. I wrote a term paper.. got some research done. It was a good time. We had our house filled with fam and friends. It was fun.. and a little strange. Couples galore. Its weird when you arent angry your roommates are couply, but you are frustrated because you dont want to WANT that. I dont. Im finally ok and completely at peace with being single. Im ready to move on the next phase of my life. I just get frustrated when I have to be surrounded by it. Thus I chose to spend a lot of my weekend time studying in my room or at the library. I wish you all good things, but seeing the ooey gooey just makes me want to leave.. so I did and will continue to do so.
I also find myself in a weird emotional predicament. I am catching myself detaching from friends. Its because I am moving in three months. When I really look at it, I dont intend to return to texas for anything other than really important weddings, or funerals. Its sad I know.. but Im not going to lie to myself. This mindset makes one look at the importance of priorities and the use of the little energy left. Im at the point where I am realizing that I dont need to invest without return into friends. It is kind of sad, but Ive been here before. Giving and giving, without return is like being friends with a black hole, and not worth it. I have left and been left a lot in my life, and you start to figure out what and who is worth the time. I love my roommates and friends, but there are few that I feel have ever invested in me as much as I try to invest in them. Maybe.. MAYBE a handful. Thats not surprising for me. I dont tend to have more than a few good friends at a time. The point of this is I see myself detaching from the people who havent been investing in me. I dont have a lot to give, but what I do have isnt worth just handing out to anyone. My struggle is that I do want to love all my friends like God does, but it has been difficult to be refreshed and renewed by black holes.
I hope I am not hurting anyones feelings, but its gotta be out there. I love you all, and I will do anything for you. However, I feel like Ive been trying to force people to listen to my issues. Screw it. God listens better and has better advice. Ill take my handful for now.