yup.. this is me going.. really? I posted all that? hahaha.. oh well.. got to love a good cathartic blog... not that it was too drastic.. Ive had worse..

blitz

This is going to be one of those posts I regret.. you know.. openness that should probably be held back for the sake of saving face, salvaging pride or whatever. But right now I don't care about my pride, or my face.

I find myself in an unusual predicament. I am on the couch in a house empty of all inhabitants, except for the demon fish in the tank and the fat spider I trapped under a tupperware I am too chicken to move. I watched a little So You Think You Can Dance, did some Sudoku, and I was about to read some Harry Potter. My sister is at work, overtime for some fat cash, the kids are at Julies for the week, and Bill isn't back from his week in one of the Dakotas yet. I am not working again til after our week at the shore and I am realizing how quickly this summer is zooming by. Soon Ill be a graduate student struggling through case studies and research papers, trudging through snow in less than professional clothing, and yuckin it up with international students from all over the world. Before that I get to trudge Colorado with my favorite youths, do some hiking, and praise God for hours! I feel like so much is going on in my life, but at this very moment I am struggling to find activities to keep myself from my least favorite activity.... pining.

I hate pining, especially when there is so much mystery. I haven't heard from Tim all week, since Sunday night. Now let me add some context to those in the dark on this one.. hopefully Tim doesn't get weirded out if he reads this.. Number one I know not many read this blog anyway.. second.. oh well :P
Tim and I have been talking for about 2 1/2 months.. by talking I mean phone convos, emails, texts etc. It has been such a blessing getting to know him, and I have gotten used to hearing from him regularly. I don't feel like he "owes" me the calls, it is just nice to talk to him, and hear about his day. Point is I have gotten accustomed to his companionship no matter how trivial the conversations, and it is weird to feel a sadness because I haven't heard from him in 4 measly days.

The reason I say I hate pining is because it feels so selfish. Why hasnt he called ME? Maybe Ill call him, no I shouldn't be a stalker like that. I sent him a message he hasn't messaged ME back. I don't know, maybe it is just the fact that I assume he is off doing amazingly adventurous things like actually working, playing with my youths, walking Maddie, and spending time with the people I love like Russ, Lacey, etc. So what it comes down to is I am jealous, super jealous for his time. The other aspect is I have no right to be jealous for HIS time. So what changed in the past 2.5 months? When did my heart get wrapped in this guy I've never met but I feel like Ive known for years? Do I take a step back?.. Do I take it as a blessing?.. Am I obsessing?.. I don't know.

I have learned a few lessons though:

• God pines for my time.. He wishes I would turn away from the computer, tv and HP and spend time with him..
• God knows if Tim is worth pining over.. He'll show me in due time..
• Tim is worth the friendship..
• It is never wrong to care about someone, or to let them know they have touched your heart.
• I crave companionship, I miss being in a relationship that is based on God's will, I will be ready for a serious relationship very soon, but not quite yet.
• My nephew gives the best hugs, my niece the best smiles, my sister is quickly becoming my best friend, that makes me happier than I could ever say.

So.. to top off the longest weirdest post ever...
Tim, don't be freaked out... this is me working things out. I love talking to you, hearing about your day, or just saying Hi.. you will never "owe it to me" to call, but it brightens my day. I have invested some of my heart in you, and I like to know you are doing well. Prayers for the end of your rotation, the test, issues with friends, your ministry to our youths, and to a summer of surprises.

Amber, I love you with all my heart, and I am so proud to be your sister. Your friendship means the world, you have always been someone I can look to for strength and love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALBERT!

Well so far I am still on the job.. I work in a few hours. Should be fun. I am watching a Baby Story on TLC. Pretty much I am the typical girl right now. Pjs, Dr Pepper, Marie Claire, TV shows that make me excited to have a family some day, and lazy. It is a quiet house without the kids, they are off at Julies this week so I am free of the niece and nephew. I might actually miss the distraction.

I went to a walmart last night to pick up some amenities. It was the weirdest walmart ever. From the outside it was HUGE, but when I got inside it was claustrophobic. Everything was set up strange and they didnt even have a grocery section, just a few aisles with a few things. It was like 20 minutes away too. Not worth. Ill just CVS/ACME it up from now on.

This sunday at church I brought the kids while amber slept from work the night before. They got to hang out with Childrens church and from what I heard they really liked it. Jess helped with the little kids and they both got to make a book for their dad for fathers day. Beth, the lady in charge, fell in love with them.. ofcourse they are both such charmers. :)

So I should really be fired from my job at barnes and noble. But thats ok that I havent been yet. I have one shift this week (because I got my days switched and didnt show for my shift saturday.. oops) then off to the shore for a week. Hopefully SUPER AWESOME RADNESS STEVE will come into Phillie around the fourth, then off to Lyds wedding on the 13-15th.. Colorado the 20th-30th, then Ill need to start figuring stuff out for grad school.. CRAZINESS..

I am officially nervous.

An update on life...

Things are going so well in Philadelphia. I started my job.. and Ill soon be fired. Hahah.. no but I do have to ask off ANOTHER week of work for the Colorado trip with First Pres. Ill be missing the Harry potter release and the whole week after it.. woops. I shouldnt have even applied. oh well.. Hopefully I wont have to quit to avoid getting fired for "abandoning" my job.. as you can tell Im quite worried.. hahah

I got a new cell phone.. thats what I did the movie of Al on.. the pics turn out pretty well too.. who needs a digital camera.. i mean seriously..

We watched our family movie today.. how funny.. its possible that someday I wont be embarrassed of my naked infancy being recorded for all to see.. there was less blushing than normal.. but seriously.. my dad is an embarrassing man.. especially with the naked butt shot.. i mean sheesh..

Steve may be in town for 4th of July.. that will be fun to see him.. he was a cool guy..

Ill finally meet tim two weeks later.. things are going well there, I love talking to him.. what a dork.. It will be fun to take the Colorado trip with youth group and get the chance to get to know him better..


Thats about all I got..

This is my nephew.. He is nuts.. but he has the best giggle..
I love you Albert!

Church hunting

God is so good. This morning Amber, Jess and I checked out a church a few minutes from the house..

www.thewellpa.com

it was an awesome experience. Small, laid back, coffee, art on the walls, great band, and some of the nicest welcoming people. Not to mention you can tell they have their hearts in the right place. I am excited to go back next week. Jess LOVED it. She was surprised at the band, and how informal it was. This is my kind of home church. Makes me not want to move!