Crack.

had my pt appointment yesterday. It hurt but he showed me some exercises to do with one of those big theraband things. I did them today and I hurt but its ok.

Got an email from SIETAR yesterday offering me an almost 700 euro scholarship to go to the congress conference in Spain this fall. Man. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. Could I bet on the possibility of taking a few days off to go to spain? Would I even want to do that alone? Anyone want to go to spain for the week of the 22-25 of October?

Talked to Dave at Greaterworks the other day about possibilities in internship stuff with them. Thats assuming AD stuff with YW doesn't work out. Not that I am even assuming thats what will happen, just saying its still a possibility.

Ohhhh geez OSCers are returning from soccer I gotta go get some finances done. Later!

Crapstack.

So we were all in the Clubroom (all meaning the area staff, because the KC and Booneville staffs are hanging out with us this weekend) watching nothing other than STEP UP TWO WOOOTTTTASTIC. I heard a plop but didn't think anything.. i was too busy grooving. Turns out my cell plopped into my glass of water. Good thing it wasn't soda. But I still don't know if it will be working yet.. SOOOOOO email me your cell # just in case. I can use my alternate if I NEED to get a hold of you.

Medical Update:
Went to the doc thursday.

He said:
Phys Therapy 3xweek x4weeks. I tore my rotator cuff, he believes. He is saying that its possible the PT will help but might not. If it is still excruciating in four weeks to go get an MRI when I get home so they can do the surgery. He was pretty much like most people would say do the surgery but with schedule stuff I might as well try PT first. Honestly it will waste more time with PT than surgery, but atleast he didn't JUMP to surgery......

pause. just scratched my head and a HUGE flying buzzing thing was on it. My left arm flew up to dust it off AKA PAINFUL OUCH GOING TO BED GOODNIGHT. Sad day.

Well, well well well.

So a pastor just prayed for me on the phone. That was nice of him

My shoulder hurts a bit today.Quite a bit actually but its ok. i head to the doctor tomorrow morning to get it checked out. The resident radiologist/ youth leader is telling me to get an MRI just in case. Yikes. I hope everything is ok.

one hand

Currently I am one handed typing. Well I should be but I have jimmy rigged it so I can sort of two handed type. Last Monday I dislocated my shoulder.. like seriously grossly done. Went to the ER, no bone chip but it is NOT getting better despite this God forsaken immobilizer sling pos. The hardest part is that I hide pain pretty well.. I think its a family trait ;) I'm not going to lie though, today I am hurting pretty bad. Ice helps a bit but I can't keep it iced all day. Ibuprofen helps, but not for long. The hydrocodone made me pass out and you can't run mission trips half dead. Last week's groups were awesome about it. it happened early in the week and they saw it all go down, out an dback in. YUCK. But now we have a new group coming and I can't decide. Wear the brace, explain the injury and hope that helps when I am having a painful day and can't go above and beyond. Or ditch the brace, let it hurt, and go to the doctor monday and the groups won't be the wiser. I seriously can't decide. Worst yet I dont' think my team believe me that I am in pain.. which is so hard. I don't want to let them down, I don't want to seem like a slacker, especially when I know Zack's knee hurts far worse. But I can't help it. I hurt, and it is exhausting.

In other news: God is good. I learned a lot this week about my own humility, the balance of living in pain without complaint, and allowing others to serve you. I learned that our team is a delicate balance of love and passion, perfection and need for rest.

Well.. just got the call a group will be here in 15 minutes. Gotta run. Pray for us. health. love. patience and that God will move!

Reuben.

Something hit me today as I read 1 Chronicles. Odd since I rarely actually read when perusing 1/2 Chronicles.. so and so begat so and so etc.. But today God used it. I was reading about how Reuben messed up and his birthright as oldest son was passed to Joseph. Man. I bet if he had known that he could have been the "Abraham, Isaac and Reuben" that he wouldn't have slept with someone else's concubine, or whatever it was. Sometimes I think about the dumb stuff I do that just seems like stupid choices. Have I missed out on my Abraham Isaac and Phyllis? haha. No but seriously.. I know that noone is perfect, and that if Reuben wouldn't have messed up Joseph wouldn't have had a shot at rocking the Pharoahs world. But still.. I want to fulfill the role God has for me in the world, and sometimes I think I am wasting my life away waiting for it to happen. Should I jump? Every sunday we tell youth that they are Jumping into God's will by being here this week and opening their lives up for God to move and transform them. Have I forgotten to Jump?

Its possible that I am super irrational today. but something within me is moving and writhing to get out. What am I missing? Am I denying God the chance to make me that third name? Or am I reubening by making easy choices and taking the road given me. We'll see I guess.. thats my catch phrase for life. I just wish I could take the bull by the horns and run in God's direction.


I sent an email to the Earlham Univ. Border Studies Program again today.. I never heard if they filled the position.. I also emailed Greaterworks, and still waiting about the YW! AD position... I feel pretty at peace though. Sometimes I just want to hit the road, grab a friend and explore people, organizations, communities.

I was sitting today thinking that the one thing I cherish about Youthworks summers is that I am always engaged with the world. I can't check out and read email, facebook or watch tv/movies. I am always in relationship, spending time with people etc. It reminds me of my desire to travel and invest in the body of Christ in an organic way. Not tied to an organization or a city, but engaging people in different places, blessing them, encouraging them, getting to know their personal culture. Its not that I don't want to settle somewhere eventually, but I don't want a life of complacency. I want to move, to be God's instrument, and have freedom in that movement.

Sheesh.. God is doing a lot in me these past few weeks. It is great, but I am sort of soul worn a bit.

Amendment etc.

Squidcat got adopted... by a dog. Ofcourse his name was Squid dog. He lives down the road. he showed up friday and fell in love with squid cat "momming" him and loving on him. This included tummy rubs grooming, and picking squidcat up by the scruff and gently bringing him to the shade etc. We came out an hour later to find them both gone. Squid cat never returned though Squid dog is seen randomly.

We had a group cancel this week so we only have 45 people coming. It will be a true blessing because we are going to go to a fundraiser for our evening meal monday night. It is for Jake, the boy who was burned so badly a few weeks ago. The town of Pawhuska has rallied around his family, and because we have a smaller group we will be able to go and support him and his family. It doesn't hurt that the fundraiser is an all you can eat steak dinner. Yum.

I am extremely excited for this week. God has been working on my heart this weekend, and for some reason I have an energy inside of me that is not typical of a Sunday. I am ready for more movement. He has worked so much in each of us this summer, and I am excited to see it come alive once again.

I have been praying a lot about the future. What the next few months might entail. I still haven't heard about the AD position and I am seriously at peace about it. I feel really great about the possibility of taking a few months to travel. Use my summer money to buy some bus tickets and luggable luggage, fly down to dallas, see some friends and then hit the road. I would love a travel buddy (feel free to volunteer anyone interested) and head to central america. I am interesteed in finding some various organizations and looking at the types of training they do pre-missions, pre- immersion trip, pre-study abroad etc. I need to make whatever I do practical for my program, but I feel like God is calling me to be more proactive in my time right now. It is a great time and age to be travelling and exploring. Is Youthworks settling for the easy route? I don't know that thats the case, but I am conflicted and convicted right now. WE'll see what God does this week. I have so many things in my head about certain friends and people I have met recently and long time ago. Some great college friends, some amazing adult leaders. Each week I give a testimony related to "holding on" and it is always more about God holding on to me when I just want to escape. His love is so deep and so penetrating that it is hard to take. But whenever I know I need it, I am scared to let Him in. He finds me in the darkness.

The nearness of God when I suffer is what keeps me praying for challenges. To suffer is to be with God, to be along side him, to be held by him. To be broken is to be moldable, and ready for renewal.

Highlights of this week:

- Friday at the Post office an idiot postal guy charged over seven hundred dollars to my account, thinking i wanted to pay for the money order on my debit, when really it was supposed to be in exchange for the stack of cash sitting directly under his nose. I was only meaning to pay for the postage on a completely seperate package with my debit. BUT God provided and I was able to deposit a money order (from the cash itself) into my debit account to make up for it. I still have to work it all out with the finance dept but its ok.

- We have a new member of our team. His name is squidcat McGee.. and he is a four week old kitten. :) He crawled through the door as we brought in groceries on Friday night. His mom was across a busy street so we put him outside in a place she could find him, but he was still there in the morning. I gave him a pretty hefty flea bath despite the warnings on the package because man.. like a hundred fleas. He is a cute, sweet kitty and will be chillin with us for the summer. An outdoor cat mostly, but naps with us from time to time. He came into our staff meeting last night on a whim :)

- Phil will NOT be coming to see me this weekend. Transportation conflicts made it impossible for him to make it into pawhuska and I can't pick him up in YW vehicles.

-We had a baptism in the principal's hottub last night

- Miss Betty is hysterical, her dog Petie looks like a loaf of bread.