I have been feeling incredibly unproductive these days. I have a few books to read, a textbook to buy and a cold to get over. Not to mention taking advantage of free time to spend with Josh and the others here. I have just been overwhelmingly tired. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally. I don't know what the cause is.. maybe just getting over break or something. Either way, many thanks to the hugs and hellos from everyone.
Josh, Cici and I went to church on Sunday. It was an interesting experience. The sermon was alright, and I felt sort of rushed in and out. We were late and I think Ci didn't want to linger so we left. I will say I miss worship so much. After being home in michigan, around music and the opportunity to sing in church. I haven't been in places where "worship nights" happen really anymore and it is bumming me out. Makes me want to just go find a room and start singing. Sunday at church I finally took a leap and tried to really pay attention to the words and music. I love when it kind of overtakes you.. the words and meaning. My voice tends to stray to its own thing and I don't care what it sounds like anymore.. its just my song to God. I probably look like a fool but I don't care anymore. I talked with Josh some about this the other day. I miss my freedom in faith, and I am starting to seek it out a little more. Being honest and open about how much I really love God and his impact in my life. Being transparent when I sing, and pray, standing up tall and not fearing judgment anymore. I don't know when I put a mask on but I'm ready to take it off. Its funny too because I don't know that a lot will change.. I mean I don't think people are going to go "woahhh what happened to you?". I think it is more of an inward change, perspective change I guess. Which is always good.
ASL is on thursday. I am nervous to start. I think Josh is teaching the first class and assisting for the others so that should be fun.. it makes me half nervous, and half calmed to know he'll be here. I am used to looking like a fool in front of him, and he has faith in me so thats always good :)
I am going to go take some dayquil and read a non school related book.. maybe if my brain will read SOMETHING I can convince it to read for class tomorrow..
have a good day kids.