Monday, January 14, 2008


I have been feeling incredibly unproductive these days. I have a few books to read, a textbook to buy and a cold to get over. Not to mention taking advantage of free time to spend with Josh and the others here. I have just been overwhelmingly tired. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally. I don't know what the cause is.. maybe just getting over break or something. Either way, many thanks to the hugs and hellos from everyone.

Josh, Cici and I went to church on Sunday. It was an interesting experience. The sermon was alright, and I felt sort of rushed in and out. We were late and I think Ci didn't want to linger so we left. I will say I miss worship so much. After being home in michigan, around music and the opportunity to sing in church. I haven't been in places where "worship nights" happen really anymore and it is bumming me out. Makes me want to just go find a room and start singing. Sunday at church I finally took a leap and tried to really pay attention to the words and music. I love when it kind of overtakes you.. the words and meaning. My voice tends to stray to its own thing and I don't care what it sounds like anymore.. its just my song to God. I probably look like a fool but I don't care anymore. I talked with Josh some about this the other day. I miss my freedom in faith, and I am starting to seek it out a little more. Being honest and open about how much I really love God and his impact in my life. Being transparent when I sing, and pray, standing up tall and not fearing judgment anymore. I don't know when I put a mask on but I'm ready to take it off. Its funny too because I don't know that a lot will change.. I mean I don't think people are going to go "woahhh what happened to you?". I think it is more of an inward change, perspective change I guess. Which is always good.

ASL is on thursday. I am nervous to start. I think Josh is teaching the first class and assisting for the others so that should be fun.. it makes me half nervous, and half calmed to know he'll be here. I am used to looking like a fool in front of him, and he has faith in me so thats always good :)

I am going to go take some dayquil and read a non school related book.. maybe if my brain will read SOMETHING I can convince it to read for class tomorrow..

have a good day kids.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hope you are feeling better today and reading a book for relaxation always works for me, as you well know! All is going okay here except that your grandmaw ran her car into her house this morning..she was not hurt just the house. I love you, darlin' take care of yourself and call your momma if you need a verbal hug.