Sweet Pea made it...

So my little car and I made it back to Vermont. We crashed through mountains, over big bridges, crossed a few islands and sated our international travel bug with a quick sneak through Canada. Sounds a lot more appealing than it was, but I actually didn't mind the drives. I find it relaxing in the midst of all the stress. My butt hurts from sitting, but my mind is happy from not thinking about anything useless. I got to ponder people, faith, family, school, future, puppies, and other such glorious things.

I realized a lot of things.. many of which I am still struggling through and not yet ready to share with the world. I'll let you know ..maybe :P

I do hope I get to live with Kathryn for xmas break. I was relaxed and happy to be with her. She is fantastic, and though I didn't get to hang out with andy much, he seems like a cool guy. It was also nice to be living with animals again, much to steve's dismay (you hissed more than the cat did :P). I have grown up with pets all my life and then last year with Jack, emmy etc. There is something comforting about animals. Maybe its the fact that they are rarely mean, they don't talk back, and they will listen to you complain. Pretty much they are stress free cuddle buddies. Even the crazy cat was sweet. haha.

I am off to prioritize and get some work done

Oh Canada..well then Michigan.

So my journey to Thanksgiving in Michigan has been quite adventurous thus far. I got up Thursday morning at the crack of dawn as intended, and looked out the window to see snow. Why yes.. thats what I said. SNOW. Brattleboro got its first dumping the morning I needed to drive out. Now typically this would be no big deal, except that it is a fresh dumping of powder over ice, my tires are pretty bald, and in order to get to drivable roads I have to wind down from the mountain on curvy roads with big fat ditches. Well I got out to Kipling rd.. the road right off campus thinking maybe it would be ok.. it was like 830 so they "should" be plowed.. wrong. I turned on to the road and fish tailed for like 30 ft before finally conning my car into a 180 so I could grind my tires back up the hill and onto campus. I went back to bed and waited.. the weather folk were telling me that it was supposed to rain and warm up by noon. So around noon I checked the roads; all were salted, sanded, plowed and drivable. SO onwards and upwards I jumped in the car. Typically I hate driving long trips later in the day. Something about leaving early... I don't know.. maybe because I can sleep in til noon. so if half of my driving is done by the time I would wake up it definitely makes the drive feel quicker.. Well I didn't hit Canada until about like 930 or something like that.. which was 2 hours past the time I had hoped to already be in Michigan. I didn't get to dads til about 230am. yuck.

Well after a few minutes of chats some ravioli and a couple covered yawns (ehem.. piercing.. ehem) we crashed. Today we went to see Beowulf. In digital 3d. It was pretty good and I only screamed a few times. I have issues with 3d. It really freaks me out. When Nate, Lyd, Shyle and I went to Kings Island for a Third Day concert in 2003 we went on the sponge bob 3d ride and I was the only one freaking out.. I believe that I can be proud of my consistency.

Tomorrow, thanksgiving, dad and I are heading to Mike, Kris and Brian's house for the meal and hanging out. Then Friday Dad is riding with me to Grand Rapids, where Ill meet Wendy, and then Ill continue on to GH for fri/sat. I think Friday Ill go say hi to the frisbee folk then meet up with steve and hang out with kathryn too. Saturday I am hoping to see some of the youth group buddies.. I have heard from Abbey, Bethany, and Tyler so far. I am hoping to see mitch this weekend too.. after my dream I realize I miss the kid a lot. My forever brother he will always be.

This is what I do during my Thursday Practitioner Inquiry Class

Plans for Vacation

So today is Friday right? Yup. I checked. OK well tonight I am going to the Multicultural Fashion show with my new friend Josh. We hung out with him last night at Austine School for the deaf. He is such a patient guy teaching us new signs and trying to communicate. I appreciate it a lot that he would invest so much in new friends. Anyway he is coming tonight too so that will be fun.

There is a big party after tonight that I do not plan to attend. I have to leave pretty early tomorrow to go to PHILADELPHIA!!! YAY! I am super excited to see my family tomorrow. I miss everyone so much. I need to pick up a few things too. My guitar for one. A crockpot, a few books etc. I will be going to church on Sunday then heading back here for monday and class.

Then on Tuesday morning I am heading out to Michigan via Albany-> Canada-> Ann Arbor. We'll see how well that goes. Ive never done that drive. REMEMBER YOUR PASSPORT.

I will be in Ann Arbor Tues, Wed, Thurs and possibly part of Friday. But I plan to leave Friday at some point so I can be in GH by 5 at the latest. That will give me Friday night and all day and night Saturday. Ill hit the road Saturday morning. I wish I could stick around for church but I don't know if Ill have the energy. It is harder for me to drive at night than in the morning. Which is weird because I am definitely a night person :)

I am hoping to hang with Steve at some point, Abbey and Bethany, Ill be staying with Kathryn, and hopefully Ill get to see Russ, Lacey, Dave, and others. Im sad Lydia and Shyle moved. There is rumor Mitch will be in town-> I miss that kid so much its hard to breathe. I would love to see my real brother too but the number I have for him doesn't work! Maybe I'll hang out with Brian Zajac at some point, and any others who find themselves in the vicinity. Ill be back around for xmas break so that will be fun. If I don't see you this time around Ill see you in a few weeks!

I am bored. I have work to do. but i am still bored.

Friday:
- Presentation for Social Identity on Class and classism in the US, Indonesia and Cuba.
- Meeting with Janaki about all sorts of goodness including finding out that she actually does support the things I want to do. But she still ripped it to shreds and smiled afterwards. I love her.
- Went to Sam's Outdoor something or other and bought some super cozy gloves and hats for mom and I.. yikes on the bill though :(
- Went to Borders and bought the next to books in the youth fiction series I got hooked on.
- Came home and read one of them. yes. thats right.. I finished it.
- Watched Babel with Cece. I was not thrilled. It wasn't up to par with all the hype but it was interesting.
- Happy Birthday Grandma Phyllis! I got all your messages. We miss you.

Saturday:
- Woke up at 11. But didn't ever see 11:11 (first time since monday.)
- Cleaned my room
- Did my laundry. I hadn't in about two weeks and it was scary.
- Wandered campus with The Alchemist. Escaped to the woods before realizing I could get shot by hunters or eaten by the bears.
- Watched Men in Trees.
- Contemplated studying
- Contemplated being social.

I am now about to start reading the next book. I crave some time to relax without people, or the need to change the world in one fell swoop.

Things I want to do:

1.) Develop a program for youth that explores how social identity, faith identity and social justice are so tightly interwoven.

2.) Get out of the states for a few months to just explore life, explore humanity, and love it.

3.) Break bad habits, learn new ones. Learn a useful skill. and teach one too.

4.) Dedicate more time to the youth who have change my life more than I have theirs.

5.) Stay up all night under the stars, see a sunrise, see the deer in the woods and just feel it all.

6.) Organize my life and keep it that way. My room is always counterproductively messy.

7.) Dedicate my energy to a project and stay energized.

8.) Go out on a limb for my practicum, find something daring and adventurous.

9.) Write in Colbert on the presidential docket.

10.) Drink máte. Right now.

Hmmm..

A) I think I am saved from the wrath of my misspellings. I sent a confirmation email to Reg at World Vision with a corrected attachment. A few hours later I got an email from a lady who works with the West Virginia/Appalachia programs saying she was sending it in to HR. So hopefully that means that he just remembered and sent the new version. Does that sound logical?


B) I have a big presentation on Classism on Friday for Social Identity. My "part" of the research was on Cuba but I sort of slacked off. I got distracted by other things and pretty much just gave up. It was difficult to find an array of information on Cuba let alone recent research on its class structure post the legalization of the dollar. Anyway. I volunteered to be more involved with the activity facilitation and discussion plus put together the powerpoint. I feel better about it but I still sort of feel myself slacking. On a lighter note I finished my ICC paper in record time with good confidence that I will pass, and we had our last class period today (it is only two credits so only 8 weeks of class) SO that is one full day during the week that I will have free to catch up on all my other stuff.


C) I started reading Everything Must Change by Brian Mclaren. I had heard of his books and Steve just finished the trilogy (New Kind of Christian etc). He always intrigued me. I have heard him quoted in a lot of the sermons that really resonate with me so I was excited to dig in. I really like it so far. It is doing a great job of ripping apart the institution and historically horrible track record of Christianity in exchange for a faith that is actually focused on Jesus' goals, actions and most importantly hopes. It feels good to read a book that resonates with my heart at this moment. I feel like the weight of Christianity's horrible past has been on my shoulders a little bit at this school and I'm ready to give it UP. I can't blame people for judging the failure of christianity. I can't blamed them for feeling judged by it. I can show them that I love them. I had a realization about this very fact the other day. I said something using the word hate to my dad.. not at him just in conversation. He said, you know I have never heard you say that about someone before. As he said that I realized I didn't even mean it. There are a few people in my life I feel like I should be allowed to hate. But I still don't when I think about it deep deep down. Sometimes I feel like my dad's 77x7 times of forgiveness is about to run up, but it never does.

One thought: part of it goes all the way back to freshman year in highschool. The one person in the world that I have ever truly hated, and felt it, was Ryan Lyles. I remember the night I felt confident enough to say that phrase, "I hate him" coming up from a belly full of anger, hurt, and to pull from class 'internalized oppression. As I said it the many scenes of my worst years flashed through my head. In the midst of my family falling apart he used me as a pinata for his cruelest tricks. Now I know that it wasn't always him, and that at one time we might have been friends, or friends of friends at least. I think he was just the face that I focused it all on. I assumed he was the pack leader. I remember the taunts, the ridicule, the abuse, the depression, the longing to be accepted, the acceptance it would never happen. I remember consoling myself by hanging out with other people, yet knowing that I was being betrayed by my former friends with every step. Beautifully, in the midst of this a friend pulled me to youth group and God sort of plucked me out of that oppression, gave me hope and a cause. He gave me responsibility, leadership, and most importantly empowerment. Despite that, my freshman year I still remember harboring that hatred. The anger that all boiled into this one sack of hideous flesh. I remember being at the football game, it was dark, it was noisy. He passed and grimaced at me while doing so. I remember saying out loud : I HATE HIM. Later that night he and three of his friends stole a car and crashed into a tree, all four dying within minutes.

Now that is a long story merely to say that I don't think I have ever felt that hatred towards another human being again. Maybe it is because I have been empowered out of that internalized oppression, maybe because my heart healed in forgiveness, though a little to late. Possibly it was due to just never going through hell again like I did those few horrible years, praise God. All I know is that it is amazing to me that I can realize that I really don't hate anyone. It is odd alone that that is a surprise, but also a relief.

Now that I know I don't hate anyone, where do I go next. Can one not hate, but still not love? I feel like deep down I love everyone. I love you for instance, it doesn't matter who you are. God created you, God gave you life, and that is amazing to me. So whoever you are know that I love you. But that is not the question of the day. Love should be a verb should it not? So even if that layer of sentiment exists, where does action then come into play? How can I love my fellow human beings, on a personal and even individual way? I think Jesus had the answers. I think I'm gonna keep searching that out.

Sorry for the unintended ramble, but I guess I'm not really here to entertain you (i still love you!) so whatever. The point of today is to say I want to start exploring more. Venturing out with humanity in tow. Understanding more of my place within humanity and how I can make a difference within that world.

Blew my chances :)

So much for working at World Vision. hahah.. so I was checking something the other day and I realized World Vision is not Worldvision. So throughout that splendidly crappy cover letter.. I spelled the name of the organization wrong. Thats what the internet does to you. Blast www.worldvision.com for ruining me. haha.. woops.