Monday, July 16, 2007

Verbosely speechless..

Incredible weekend. The wedding was awesome, reception a blast, and night out with friends was a lot of fun. I was thrilled to see Steve as much as I did, and meet his friend Josh who was awesome.. I hope Canada's treating him well

Thoughts and memories:
I miss the beach a lot, and just walking with people around town here and from wherever. I love that. Summers in Michigan are beautiful, and I need to partake of them more often.

I don't know if Ill ever find community like that anywhere. I hope I do. I guess its because that's the place I really lived and dug in. Its amazing being able to go back four years later like no time had passed. Seeing everyone and just relaxing in life. I know if I ever need anything I can go back to find a net of community there forever. What a blessing.

It does make me think that I want one, if not two things: to find a place to call home base for a good while.. Not necessarily settle in somewhere for good.. i need my travel, but a place to call home, to come back to. I want a house somewhere near all this community and family i hold so dear. I hope my job next year brings me somewhere I can find that home/house..
If I cant find a home base I want a home somebody.. this is more difficult! It would be nice to have someone to travel with. I guess part of me is ready to find someone for good.. I know that I am not ready to be married this very second, but i think pretty soon Ill be ready to do that. I'm excited to have someONE to share life with. At this point my memories are scattered throughout the multitudes of people I have known, which is fine, but it would be nice to begin an adventure with one person and have lots of memories with them. I know weddings tend to bring out that "single for life" fear in me, but I finally feel like I am who I want to be, and I wont change that for anyone. I know I won't settle for a happy on the outside relationship. and I am glad to finally realize I had done that before.

The other thought and realization this week is that I am so happy I live my life. Like LIVE it really. I don't do as much as I wish I did, but I don't feel like I waste my days away, or cop out of life out of fear. I am also happy that I am wired to serve.. I cant imagine living a life that doesn't change lives, change the world in some way. It is so important to me that my life make an impact, and it doesn't have to make a big one. In fact I would be content at knowing that I made a kid smile this year. But I know I have a lot more to give and that the life that I do live, will be focused on giving out and not giving in. On another level I realized that the dream of a perfect home, family, house, job blahbity blah is so much different for me than many of my friends. Like I said I want to Live life.. and that includes struggling, fights, passion, hardship, sacrifice, dirt, blood whatever. I have so much respect for my friends and the lives they have put together.. Shyle and Nate are a prime example. They live a life of service. Their house is open all the time for anyone to come and use as a refuge. I am so grateful for their friendship and example of love. I liked seeing a billion people just relaxed and hanging out at their house like it was the most obvious thing to do. Anyone and everyone are welcome, all ages and types. it was great. Id like to have that... I will.

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