I am tired. I am stressed. And I am utterly confused by my term paper. Everytime I get somewhere on it, I find out something more or different was expected. I am emotional today. This patience thing is hard..it has only been one week of patience.. one week. I hope it gets easier. I want to go home. I want this semester to end now. This big house feels lonely, despite the roommates being in the other room. I want Lydias wedding to be tomorrow.. so I will have graduated, finished all my work, moved, driven 24 hours, flown to GH, seen amazing people, and hopefully a few specifically cool people. I want to hug shyle to death, and find kate and play with er. I want a Russ hug, a Lacey hug, a Tracey hug, a Bryant hug, I need an Abs and Bethany secret or two and a huge bonfire with lots of singing. What I want the most is for God to take over my heart and continue to show me that his desires are bigger than my own. That his plan is safer and better. That he has someone out there for me who is pining just as hard without me knowing it. I want to be in Mexico. I want to sit with Chilito on my lap and giggle. I want to be mobbed by kids, and laughed at by a pastor. But I cant be in Mexico right now. I have Thesis to nail down, and a room full of crap to pack up. I cant be in Grand Haven right now. I have to suffice with tonights dinner with friends and tostadas. I cant go to heaven right now.. God has too much for me to do here.
"I want to be free in this world.
I hope that everybody understands
I want to be free and fly away
And smell all the flowers in the world
I want go go go away.."