Monday, April 09, 2007

Sitting, Waiting.

I spent the morning reading. A little Casa de los Espiritus, a little Quinta Montaña, a splash of psalms, and a healthy chunk of Pathologies of Power. My mind is boggled with stories, english and spanish. I have class in thirty minutes and Im at a loss for words. When they ask me how my trip was, Im not sure what I will say. The typical description: incredible, awesome, challenging, I learned a lot, I hate being home. But there was so much more to it. I feel like this past week has been a huge rush of emotions. The trip had so many layers to it. God was in it all. And I feel like I had already known how huge the trip was going to be before I left. What should I be telling people? The trip was life altering, paradigm shifting, worldview shattering, and it felt like home. Its interesting that I have done a lot of travelling, and this is the week that really broke it all down for me. It stripped off that last layer of apathy. I know where my heart is, and how God will be in it. My dreams are still huge, and they are growing and expanding everyday.

Another thought: I have been a nomad since birth. We have always moved a lot and I never really felt like any one place was my home. I spent the most time in Grand Haven, but we didn't stay in one house for too long. That is not a complaint, I like moving. I realized this week that my heart is in the people. God showed me that I can feel safe and at home anywhere as long as I am looking to him first. Dios me cuidara. Right now, sitting in my living room, I don't feel at home. I want to go back to Mexico, sit in the church with kids all around and talk to the mom's about how I am going to kidnap their children because they are so cute. I long to talk to pastor desi about his vision for the church, and to the others there who can see God moving in their lives. Im ready for the next move, the next phase. Im ready to put my experience to use for God's kingdom. God is ready for me to give it to him once and for all.

Some favorites:
cakey neck raspberries from 4 yr olds
Uno with cheaters
talking about music with kids
encouraging kids that God will provide
seeing the kids faces light up when they see bubbles
feeling content in sticky heat
walking dirt roads through neighborhoods without feeling nervous at all
bedsheets for doors
tamales etc.
the most content 6 mo olds Ive ever met.
family, family family

No comments: