Monday, March 03, 2008
I got sunburned today. I went tanning. I think sometimes weird things in life really show me lessons about how relationships with people work. Now if you know me.. you understand that I am super into stretching metaphors until noone but me understands them anymore. So here goes.
Getting my sunburn was the best experience. It was warm and felt great. I went in knowing I should probably wear some sunblock, especially for certain areas.. like my tattoo :-p I didn't because I was lazy. At about 13 minutes I realized you know what.. I'm feeling a little toasty, but I had put the fan on high and it was cooling me off just enough so I didn't realize what was happening. Finally time was up, the thing turned off and I got out. I felt warm, but a little tight.. Like my skin was dry a bit. I could already see that I had been affected by the light of the bed, and I should have gotten out at 13 minutes before any real damage was done. I think the bed had different bulbs than I was expecting.. stronger this time.. it was still a relaxing 15 minutes.. but man am I feeling it now.
My face is a bit pink, my ass is apple red, and only half of my calves are burnt, but enough to hate my jeans as I walked home. Sitting at panera and then trying to study hurt. I scratched and itch and it hurt like crazy. The burn is affecting every inch of me, everything I do. I can't focus, its on my mind that I feel like I am heating up the entire room by body heat alone. I have my bottle to soothe the pain, but lotion can only do so much. I fear tomorrow and wondering if people will notice. Mostly I fear people will hug me and I will flinch because it will hurt. I know they are doing it for the right reasons but it still hurts.
Was the pain and frustration worth the 15 minutes of relaxation and warm bliss? Honestly? I have conflicting answers. Burns leave lasting damage- I wish I had gotten out earlier.. but I don't think I regret it. How was I supposed to know the bulbs were stronger than last time? And who knew the difference between medium and high on the fan would change my perception of the whole experience. Next time will I stay in for the full fifteen? probably...
So.. now is the time for the world to read this and try to decipher what the hell it is I am really talking about. haha.. whats funny is that I already know that Josh is reading into it every negative possibility that makes him the bad guy. He can criminalize himself. I didn't say anything on this blog that wasn't my own honest feelings. And yeah.. it is a free country.. and this is my blog.. I can express whatever the hell I want. I can make him out to be a dog if it makes me feel better.. because this blog is meant to be my own catharsis.. my own truthy mess of feelings and experiences. Just be glad you don't have the http for my other blog. You would crap your pants if you read the rawness of emotion in that baby. which is why it is mine.. because I already know that this blog requires a sense of "filter" and "censor" so as not to alienate myself from all the people who have f*cked me over, hurt me, or just simply annoyed the hell out of me.. as well as the people who I am completely and utterly in love with and worried about.
(PS. People need to stop asking about josh.. but more importantly asking "why" we broke up... I don't have the answer they want to hear and its not their business anyway. The exception goes to the JW ladies who have been amaaazzzing.. Your hugs.. even the painful ones.. mean the world)