Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Today was a pretty long day.

I woke up to no time for a shower after a long night of nightmares (thanks to Daniel for the prayers and the check-up text today. It is nice to have someone to send those texts to again.. sorry to burden you with it).. death dreams have been recurring a lot in the past few weeks, especially but funeral attendance is a new one. I don't like it.. there are assumptions involved there. It was encouraging to see friends there, but I still don't know whose funeral it was. It was weird to not know.. even in the dream I waited for them to open the casket but they never did, like I wasn't supposed to know who it was.. so I just wondered and I was possibly more scared than when it was my own death in my dreams.

Class this morning was good.. we shared our "I am from" poems, which I am reluctant to post because it really is a pretty personal exposé. I dont know if it will offend or scare people.. who knows. It was hard to read the poems of the other students in the class.. I connected at so many levels with the hope and despair.. It was hard to read about other people and see myself in their words, the many things I didn't include in my poem, that I chose to omit, to hide, to fear. In the group I shared that my poem didn't fully portray who I am, only slices of me. Like crosssecting me and seeing the day they died, or the night he left, or the morning she called. Those moments say a lot but they will never say it all, they may show despair but in them was more hope than ever. So I explained that my poem should be a catalyst for exploration and questions rather than a blanket of understanding. I didn't want people to assume that the words on the page said it all.. they just opened windows for more. I would rather people ask about my story than read between the lines..

Pop/NFed meeting was great today: we designed our training and it is amazing. I want to implement it like now. Maybe I'll post some of it and show you the kind of work I want to do.

Ed for SJ was also good tonight... Bill Holiday came to talk to us today.. he is a high school teacher at the high school in town and he is amazing. He pretty much proved to us today that the assassinations of kennedy and king were setups, hahah.. it was awesome. He said he presents both sides.. far right and far left... to his kids so they can sift through it all and find their place.. rather than teaching from a text that MUST teach the middle so it can be sold to EVERYONE.. He invited us to visit his class any time.. I'll be going next week.. I want to see him teach his kids.

You know me and God
He's gotta rock my world to open my eyes

Brokenness is my Portal
to clarity and understanding

I'll take it"

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