C-E-Nevers

Have you ever heard the term C-E-Os? Well it means Christmas and Easter Onlys. Aka people that only go to church for those specific holiday. I have realized this week that I am really the opposite. For some reason I loathe going to "church" on Christmas and Easter. There is something about the fakeness of the majority of people that come- and the daggers from the eyes of those that have been going all year.. I don't know. I guess to me going to church on christmas and easter is my reminder how so many "so-called christians" "lukewarm live-ers" there are in a church, my church, our church, their church. It makes the meaning of xmas and easter wanting more. So I usually skip church. I am thinking that this year I am going to start a new tradition for myself.. although I haven't yet decided what it is. I really want to be in nature. Maybe climb to an overlook, a peak, a place to see the city and ponder how many souls he sacrificed for in just this view alone. I don't know but I know that (outside of still being too nervous to go to church due to the awkwardness of josh and I) I don't want to go to Agape, or any other church this week. I do however want chocolate.

Weird note: as I sit here my vision is doing something weird. there is a section of my vision that is all watery.. like when you laugh so hard you spit or spill on the tv and it distorts the image. This has happened a view times and I really hate it. I don't know if it is just something because i just woke up, or my contacts, whatever.. weird!